the rest of the story...

ok, so some of you have been bitching at me about how selfish I am in another post (http://forum.baby-gaga.com/about232903.html). And rightly so. I am being selfish.. To an extent.
But how is it fair to me for my fiance to bring another child into our home that he's not going to help with. As it is right now I take care of our new born son and 3 y/o pretty much by myself. I get VERY little help with the baby and only slightly more with my 3y/o. Yeah, it's great that my fiance is getting his son away from his crazy ass ex, but I'm the one that's going to have to take care of him. So why cant we get Karter on my terms? either right now so that everyone has time to adjust to having another person in the house or after the wedding (even the day after would be ok)..
My fiance is already going to be gone until the 2nd or 3rd of June. The wedding is the 7th. I just dont see how it's even possible for us to get Karter before then.
I just want it all to be over. I want it to be July so that the wedding is over and we have Karter....
I'm so afraid that I wont be able to handle 3 kids that are 3, 2 and new born. This is more about me being unsure that I'mcapable of taking care of the kids then it is about not wanting Karter here or whatever.... Someone tell me i'm not being completely stupid and selfish....

Ok, I know that you may have caught a lot of flack in your last post. How is having Karter there before the wedding going to be any different than after? if you don't think you can care for him, how are things going to be different July-October? You CAN do it, I know you can. You're much stronger than you give yourself credit for.

you know i can feel for you. My bf doesnt do that much with our son and i get on his back for it. He has started to make improvements by watching him so i can nap. he wakes me if he needs to feed cause i have the boobies. My sister does it too. she stays home with twins and than a son. her husband is always working so she is stresses. I would try to find friends and family around you to just help sometimes to ease your stress

Quoting Mommy Pullin:“ Ok, I know that you may have caught a lot of flack in your last post. How is having Karter there before ... [snip!] ... going to be different July-October? You CAN do it, I know you can. You're much stronger than you give yourself credit for.”

I wont have the wedding stress anymore.. as it is now, I catch myself unloading my stress on my 3 y/o and I dont want to do that to Karter. What if he gets here before the wedding and before I get the chance to get to know him and then I get stressed and accidently take it out on him? then he wont like me and might even be afraid of me. i dont want that. I want him to like me. I want him to enjoy being in our care... not that I purposely unload my stress out on my kids, but I have done it... i'm just scared

I don't think you would take it out on him. He's going to adjust to you and your fiance's loving home no matter what. BUT, if that's how you feel, then just let your fiance know. I think that Karter will be better off with your family than his mom's. Have a wonderful Alaskan wedding. Can't wait to see the beautiful pictures!

weddings are stressful but in your other post, you make it sound like a very small ceremony. If I remember correctly, just your mom, grandma, and sister will be there. You can't exclude his son. Why do you have a problem with your stepson? You knew he had a son when you hooked up with him. You will manage. Yeah it will be tough but it's not the end of the world. You can do this. You have to. If you make a big deal over his son, I promise you that you will regret it later. Suppose your fiance made the same argument about your daughter. You are being unreasonable.

Quoting Cassie's Taxi:“ weddings are stressful but in your other post, you make it sound like a very small ceremony. If I remember ... [snip!] ... you that you will regret it later. Suppose your fiance made the same argument about your daughter. You are being unreasonable.”

because I said that only 3 members of my family are going to be there and none of his family will be there you assume its going to be very small. it's just that neither of us are close to our families.. we have about 60 or 70 friends coming...
and we've already talked about the Karter issue. I know I will manage. The timing just sucks.
and i've had my daughter with me from the beginning of our relationship. he has not had Karter at all. so, yes I knew he had a son the whole time. Butbecause Karter doesnt live in alaska, it's not a reality to me yet. Did that make sense?

Poor Karter. I feel sorry for the little fellow.

Something you need to think about is, how does Karter feel? No one likes to feel unwanted and that's how you are going to make him feel with how you are looking at the situation at the moment. I know what its like to have a step parent not really want you around and I hate it, he gets mad anytime I come around because I infringe on "his" time with my mom. Needless to say I don't have much of a relationship with him and I don't care to. So you can either suck it up and be a good person and a good mom and wife or you can be the mean step mom and have a crappy relationship with Karter and hurt his feelings and your fiance will probably get pissed at you for having that attitude towards his son and may even rethink about the marriage. The choice is yours... But be realistic of the outcome of your actions.

Quoting haleybee123:“ Something you need to think about is, how does Karter feel? No one likes to feel unwanted and that's ... [snip!] ... his son and may even rethink about the marriage. The choice is yours... But be realistic of the outcome of your actions.”

Very well put!