Military

My BD has been wanting to join the military for a couple of years now. But we have 1.5 kids. (2 in march). When we went and saw the recruiter they told him he ha 2 choices.

1. Marry me.
2. Sign away his kids.



Noowwwww as a single father, are there any other options? Because we are not together anymore, as of August. I don't really want to marry a guy and same with him if we are already rocky and unstable BUT he does not want to sign his kids away...

Advice?

There are no other ways. They would consider him a single father and he would be non-deployable. They want guys that can deploy.

Then I guess he won't be joining the military.

nope thats about it he has to sign his rights away because they want to make syre the kids are taken care of and he will be considered a single father if he doesnt

<blockquote><b>Quoting Jas ♥:</b>" Then I guess he won't be joining the military. "</blockquote>



!! This, it's either those options or nothing at all.

So by him signing his rights away, what does that mean with him and the kids?

No contact? No child support? No visitation?.... What?

Quoting Jas ♥:" Then I guess he won't be joining the military. "

 

Military does not want to deal with the hassle of custody arrangements, visitation or the possibility of him not being able to do his job for any of those reasons.

He doesn't have to sign away all rights to his kids... Just has to make you the "legal guardian." That's a big difference than signing away all parental rights.

Quoting V's Mom! [EXPECTING #2!]:" So by him signing his rights away, what does that mean with him and the kids? No contact? No child support? No visitation?.... What?"

No, it just means that he is not the sole provider. They would make him pay child support and he would have visitation, just not a decision maker in their lives.

<blockquote><b>Quoting *Cade*Mak*Col*:</b>" He doesn't have to sign away all rights to his kids... Just has to make you the "legal guardian." That's a big difference than signing away all parental rights."</blockquote>




Well that makes a huge different, instead of him signing away his rights, he would just be agreeing that I have full custody?

Quoting khigh:" No, it just means that he is not the sole provider. They would make him pay child support and he would have visitation, just not a decision maker in their lives."

No, they dont make them pay child support. If there is no CS order.... there is no need

Quoting V's Mom! [EXPECTING #2!]:" <blockquote><b>Quoting *Cade*Mak*Col*:</b>" He doesn't have to sign away all rights ... [snip!] ... Well that makes a huge different, instead of him signing away his rights, he would just be agreeing that I have full custody?"

Yep!

Army Regulation 601-210 chapter 2


(3) Applicants who are not married at the time of enlistment but have a child out of wedlock and under state law are
considered to have custody rights, regardless of who currently has physical custody, are disqualified. However, if under
state law a mutually agreed upon contract between the two natural parents is sufficient to transfer custody and control
of any children, then it will be acceptable for enlistment purposes. Contractual agreements acknowledged by state law
are acceptable. Applicants will be advised that they are being accepted for enlistment based on the eligibility status of
being a single parent without custody. All applicants must complete a DA Form 3286 at time of entry into the DEP/
DTP or ARNG.

Army's reasoning, again from the same Army Reguation:

d. The U.S. Army recognizes that some persons for personal reasons have given up custody of a child or children.
For this reason, the following rules have been provided so a determination can be made for enlistment purposes. It is
not the intent or desire of the U.S. Army to require any person to relinquish custody of his or her children to qualify
for enlistment. Under no circumstances will any Army representative advise, imply, or assist an applicant with regard
to surrender of custody for the purpose of enlistment. Applicants will be advised that they do not meet the dependent
criteria of this regulation and that the Army’s mission and unit readiness are not consistent with being a sole parent.
Persons who are sole parents would be placed in positions, as any other Soldier, where they are required at times to
work long or unusual hours, to be available for worldwide assignment, and to be prepared for mobilization, all of
which would create conflicting duties between children and military requirements for the sole parent.

Same chapter same regulation:
(2) Those applicants who at time of enlistment indicate they have a child or children in the custody of the other
parent or another adult in accordance to (2), above, will be advised and required to acknowledge by certification that
their intent at time of enlistment was not to enter into the Army, USAR, or ARNG with the express intention of
regaining custody after enlistment. Applicants will be required to execute a DA Form 3286 (Statements for Enlistment
All applicants will be advised that if they regain custody during their term of enlistment, they are
in violation of the stated intent of their enlistment contract. They will (unless they can show cause, such as death or
incapacity of the person who has custody) be processed for separation (involuntary) for fraudulent enlistment.
Retention of Soldiers who have enlisted fraudulently is governed by AR 635–200.

Quoting V's Mom! [EXPECTING #2!]:" So by him signing his rights away, what does that mean with him and the kids? No contact? No child support? No visitation?.... What?"

Military doesn't get involved in that, that's a family court matter. If he "signs his rights away" he's basically giving up legal custody of the children.

<blockquote><b>Quoting V's Mom! [EXPECTING #2!]:</b>" <blockquote><b>Quoting *Cade*Mak*Col*:</b>" He doesn't have to sign away all rights ... [snip!] ... Well that makes a huge different, instead of him signing away his rights, he would just be agreeing that I have full custody?"</blockquote>




And as for child support, they would not have him dedicate a certain amount to helping me take care of our kids?