re: Military

reply #2 from a different perspective: Although I'm not AD anymore either ******* but speaking from police and child support side she needs to get an order stating how much he is to pay and child support do a wage withholding. That eliminates him being able to stop money flow whenever he wants, eliminates the confusion. I have answered many domestic dispute calls for this and now at child support let us and dfas do the dirty work. All that can be done together with custody hearing but if he gives up parental rights she will NOT get any support from him. Advise her to speak with an attorney asap

Quoting V's Mom! [EXPECTING #2!]:" <blockquote><b>Quoting *Cade*Mak*Col*:</b>" They aren't going to book him for child ... [snip!] ... career, but if he decides he wants out before a second enlistment, is mediation for joint custody when he is out okay as well?"

It's not even something legally done...
It's just a piece of paper you sign when filling everything out upon joining simply saying that you are the guardian and he understands that. He can still claim his as a dependent. Its not a legal thing... it's not something you go to the courthouse about. I have no idea what you are even talking about. I think that personally, it sounds like this recruiter just doesn't want him to join and was trying to scare him off, maybe.

That or things have changed A LOT.

<blockquote><b>Quoting *Cade*Mak*Col*:</b>" It's not even something legally done... It's just a piece of paper you sign when filling everything ... [snip!] ... like this recruiter just doesn't want him to join and was trying to scare him off, maybe. That or things have changed A LOT."</blockquote>




Weird. Because they call him nonstop about if he's made a decision. But from what he told us he said it needs to be done before signing in.

Quoting V's Mom! [EXPECTING #2!]:" <blockquote><b>Quoting *Cade*Mak*Col*:</b>" It's not even something legally done... ... [snip!] ... they call him nonstop about if he's made a decision. But from what he told us he said it needs to be done before signing in."

Well I guess all I can tell you is that we did nothing of the sort... and we were not married, nor did he sign over his rights to our son. He was paid as if our son was his dependent, still... and we received the housing allowance. He's in the Guards though, not sure if it makes a difference. They would NEVER ask a parent to sign over their rights as a parent, nor to force them into marriage. It wasn't even suggested to us.

<blockquote><b>Quoting *Cade*Mak*Col*:</b>" Well I guess all I can tell you is that we did nothing of the sort... and we were not married, nor did ... [snip!] ... NEVER ask a parent to sign over their rights as a parent, nor to force them into marriage. It wasn't even suggested to us."</blockquote>




We are makin an appt to speak with a recruiter tomorrow afternoon. Maybe even try today, we just have tons to do today so it will probably be tomorrow.

Quoting *Cade*Mak*Col*:" Well I guess all I can tell you is that we did nothing of the sort... and we were not married, nor did ... [snip!] ... NEVER ask a parent to sign over their rights as a parent, nor to force them into marriage. It wasn't even suggested to us."

Guard is a lot different than active duty Army because they are at much lower risk of deployment. They don't want the father to pull the "I'm a single dad. I can't deploy" bullsmurf when deployment comes up. And, if he has custody of his children, he can do that.

<blockquote><b>Quoting khigh:</b>" Guard is a lot different than active duty Army because they are at much lower risk of deployment. They ... [snip!] ... "I'm a single dad. I can't deploy" bullsmurf when deployment comes up. And, if he has custody of his children, he can do that."</blockquote>




We are also going to be meeting with a lawyer to discuss this with us as well so we know the proper and best way to do this. If it needs to be legally done, he and I already have come to agreement on most of this (we may have missed some things) so it should be quickly done in mediation.

Quoting khigh:" Guard is a lot different than active duty Army because they are at much lower risk of deployment. They ... [snip!] ... "I'm a single dad. I can't deploy" bullsmurf when deployment comes up. And, if he has custody of his children, he can do that."

Actually... guards are deploying a lot more. His unit is doing 12 month long deployments every 5 years, as well as a year prior they are training out of state almost constantly. He was gone 18 months last time. He was considering switching to active duty because they are deploying less, and for shorter periods. When he joined, he joined knowing he was to deploy that year... and they had no problem with the fact that he had a child and was not married. All of his buddies who joined into active duty did not have to sign over the rights to their children, either... nor be forced into marriage.

Quoting *Cade*Mak*Col*:" Actually... guards are deploying a lot more. His unit is doing 12 month long deployments every 5 years, ... [snip!] ... who joined into active duty did not have to sign over the rights to their children, either... nor be forced into marriage."

We got married 5 years ago when DH joined the Army because our choice was either get married or sign over custody. We got married.

ok here is another reply and I am also adding a link to the regulation he is referencing where you can read for yourself. Things have changed a lot. When I joined and when i got out single parents could join without anything but a packet that said they had plans for their child if deployed. It is not like that anymore. It appears that "parental rights" was the wrong term to use by the recruiter (which I agree). He just gives up custodial rights. link: http://www.apd.army.mil/pdffiles/r601_210.pdf

I have a recommendation. I am using AR 601-210 dated 8 February 2011 as a reference. Please do read paragraph 2-10 for Dependents. There is also paragraph 3-8 on Dependents but my recommendation is reading paragraph 2-10 and there may be a way out for you. What I am getting at as a point, the applicant does not necessarily signs away their custodial responsibility or control, rather a document showing that the child/children is with such as the mother, father or Grandparent. It is just paperwork purposes. Please read paragraph 2-10 and that comment may be correct to have an Attorney do the paperwork to ensure the wording is correct so that way the applicant can enlist. Basically the applicant is in no way giving up parent control at all.

I tried enlisting 2 1/2 yrs ago. I was in the process (was just waiting for time periods to finalize) of divorce and had majority custody of my daughter. I was instructed that if I waited to join til after divorce was done then I had to sign my rights over to my now ex or a family member until I made it through Basic training and upon entering AIT I could get my rights back to my daughter. That was a while ago though.

Once in though he will receive partial BAH to help with child support (it's really not all that much, my ex's wasn't even a third of what was court ordered), and the option for tricare and benefits on post.

Quoting *Cade*Mak*Col*:" Actually... guards are deploying a lot more. His unit is doing 12 month long deployments every 5 years, ... [snip!] ... who joined into active duty did not have to sign over the rights to their children, either... nor be forced into marriage."

Deploying every 5 years is different than deploying every year. Some units are on a very rigorous schedule where they are gone for 8-9 months and only home 3-4 and they do that every year. Most are 6 months home 6 months gone

As a single mom who just enlisted i know I had to give custody of my son To my mom and my custody agreement states liberal visitation
I can still claim him and he gets an allotment each month to core his expenses and my mom would never keep him from me so I can have him whenever I like
If I have a stable schedule he could live with me even with her still having custody.

Quoting V's Mom! [EXPECTING #2!]:" Sorry if im sounding stupid, the recruiters said this is something we have to figure out on our own (I ... [snip!] ... for us, if not for everyone. He thought even when he's out, he cannot see the babies, and he cannot be apart of their lives."

He would have to SIGN his rights away.. meaning, he doesnt get a say in visitation, schooling, medical or if you wanted to move.
However, YOU could allow visitation, and probably get it legalized.
As far as child support, depending on where you live, he would still be legally required to pay, if you took him to court for it. SOME places allow the father not to pay once the mother remarries, SOME states that is.
As far as going to mediation, MOST judges order you to mediation because they rather you work it out together then forcing a judge to figure it out.