re: Military

Quoting V's Mom! [EXPECTING #2!]:" <blockquote><b>Quoting *Cade*Mak*Col*:</b>" He doesn't have to sign away all rights ... [snip!] ... Well that makes a huge different, instead of him signing away his rights, he would just be agreeing that I have full custody?"

Yes, basically saying you are the children's sole provider and primare caregiver while he is gone. It doesn't mean they aren't his kids legally anymore... it doesn't mean he doesn't have any rights to them... it just means that since he is committing to the army, and will have to deploy.. that he is entrusting his children with you. My husband had to sign something when he joined saying that I was our son's sole provider and that he would be in my care when he deployed, and that I was his "legal guardian." He still was paid taking into consideration that his son was still a "dependent"... he just didn't get paid for having me as a dependent since we weren't married. We still got the basic housing allowance, too.

Quoting V's Mom! [EXPECTING #2!]:" <blockquote><b>Quoting V's Mom! [EXPECTING #2!]:</b>" <blockquote><b>Quoting ... [snip!] ... And as for child support, they would not have him dedicate a certain amount to helping me take care of our kids?"

you have to get it ordered

Quoting V's Mom! [EXPECTING #2!]:" <blockquote><b>Quoting V's Mom! [EXPECTING #2!]:</b>" <blockquote><b>Quoting ... [snip!] ... And as for child support, they would not have him dedicate a certain amount to helping me take care of our kids?"

Nope. They wouldnt enforce that unless there was a court order.

Quoting V's Mom! [EXPECTING #2!]:" <blockquote><b>Quoting V's Mom! [EXPECTING #2!]:</b>" <blockquote><b>Quoting ... [snip!] ... And as for child support, they would not have him dedicate a certain amount to helping me take care of our kids?"

They aren't going to book him for child support. He's not signing over his rights...you are not pursuing child support. If there was a child support order already in place, they'd take money out of his check for it. I don't know what everyone on here is talking about... it makes absolutely no sense to me. NO, he does not sign over his rights to his kids and stop being their father in the legal eye...and no child support order is magically going to appear because he makes you their legal guardian.

Quoting V's Mom! [EXPECTING #2!]:" <blockquote><b>Quoting V's Mom! [EXPECTING #2!]:</b>" <blockquote><b>Quoting ... [snip!] ... And as for child support, they would not have him dedicate a certain amount to helping me take care of our kids?"

they would only do this is there is a court order then it will be done as an allotment or if he fails to set that up they will garnish his wages.
but as a later poster stated he will receive pay for the child. He will receive BAH (Basic allowance for housing, at least that is what it was called when I was in) for that child since it is still his dependent.

Quoting SO + Me=3:" they would only do this is there is a court order then it will be done as an allotment or if he fails ... [snip!] ... allowance for housing, at least that is what it was called when I was in) for that child since it is still his dependent. "

He'll only get housing allowance if the kid is with him 51% of the time.But, he can get insurance for his kids.

Quoting ♡Sarah♡ + 2:" He'll only get housing allowance if the kid is with him 51% of the time.But, he can get insurance for his kids."

Well things have changed (not surprisingly). I have been out for 10 years and at that time they didn't have to sign over custody just have arrangements set up in case of deployment. When I was in they did receive BAH for children they supported even if they did not live with them at all. Many received a partial BAH when paying child support.

<blockquote><b>Quoting *Cade*Mak*Col*:</b>" They aren't going to book him for child support. He's not signing over his rights...you are not pursuing ... [snip!] ... father in the legal eye...and no child support order is magically going to appear because he makes you their legal guardian."</blockquote>




He said that he wants to agree on a certain amount of "child support" before he leaves. While him making me legal guardian, is that something we could have set up legally as well? And can all this be done in mediation? Or is it something that has to be done in actual court? We would like to just do this without as much interference as possible and for us to be coming to the agreement. (minus the guardianship)

Also, he wants to join for a full career, but if he decides he wants out before a second enlistment, is mediation for joint custody when he is out okay as well?

Sorry if im sounding stupid, the recruiters said this is something we have to figure out on our own (I completely understand) and neither or us have anyone we know in the military, and the one friend he DOES have in isn't active, and doesn't have kids so he didn't know crap about it.


This is something he really wants to do, we were going to get married BUT when things flipped in August, we are just trying to figure out the way to do this. But he was told he had to SIGN away his rights, not just agree on my having full custody. There is a huge difference there for us, if not for everyone. He thought even when he's out, he cannot see the babies, and he cannot be apart of their lives.

Quoting V's Mom! [EXPECTING #2!]:" Sorry if im sounding stupid, the recruiters said this is something we have to figure out on our own (I ... [snip!] ... for us, if not for everyone. He thought even when he's out, he cannot see the babies, and he cannot be apart of their lives."

I still know some people that are still serving in Finance in the army. Let me see if I can get them to give us some concrete info, I know they don't "code" pay like they use to but they should still know the regulations better than I and some others do.

Quoting V's Mom! [EXPECTING #2!]:" Sorry if im sounding stupid, the recruiters said this is something we have to figure out on our own (I ... [snip!] ... for us, if not for everyone. He thought even when he's out, he cannot see the babies, and he cannot be apart of their lives."

I know quite a few guys in the military get married for just this. They don't live with their wives and some haven't seen them in years, but they do it for custody reasons, health insurance for their wife, and BAH,

<blockquote><b>Quoting SO + Me=3:</b>" I still know some people that are still serving in Finance in the army. Let me see if I can get them ... [snip!] ... I know they don't "code" pay like they use to but they should still know the regulations better than I and some others do."</blockquote>




Thank you so much!

<blockquote><b>Quoting khigh:</b>" I know quite a few guys in the military get married for just this. They don't live with their wives ... [snip!] ... their wives and some haven't seen them in years, but they do it for custody reasons, health insurance for their wife, and BAH,"</blockquote>




Honestly that doesn't appeal to either of us. If I'm not going to be getting married for the right reasons, then I want to be able to date around and hopefully find someone that I can marry without me having to tell that guy I'm dating that I am already married, or know that my legal husband is probably sleeping around because we aren't marrying for the right reasons.

Quoting V's Mom! [EXPECTING #2!]:" <blockquote><b>Quoting SO + Me=3:</b>" I still know some people that are still serving ... [snip!] ... use to but they should still know the regulations better than I and some others do."</blockquote> Thank you so much!"

Here is the first bit of advice. This is coming from the finance side of the house so it may not give exact regulations and info but it is a start. I will update with more replies as i get them:

I would say "sign away parental rights" was just too vague of advice. I am sure what was meant is that he should get legal(court) documents outlining his parental status as to the legal and physical custody of the child and also establishing paternity if that wasnt done already. Obviously it shouldnt say he has primary physical custody as the military wont allow single parents to join but sepratly it would establish a legal document base for DEERS enrollment, Tricare benifits and would be a piece of the puzzle in starting MilPay entitlments for the childs support.

Quoting khigh:" I know quite a few guys in the military get married for just this. They don't live with their wives ... [snip!] ... their wives and some haven't seen them in years, but they do it for custody reasons, health insurance for their wife, and BAH,"

I do as well. Its better than the old contract marriage