My 4.5 yr old "wants to live with dad"

So long story short:
My husband and I split about 13 months ago, he lives in another state, is not in the picture. Hasn't skyped or seen them since halloween, calls about once every 3-4 weeks. Doesn't support, etc.
Anywho, all of a sudden my 4 and a half yr old son keeps telling me things like "I'm going to go live with my dad at his house because Id on't like this house anymore" just things along those lines. I really don't know how to explain to him what happened in a way he could understand. He has never really said anything, it was just viewed as we moved somewhere else, etc. Well now he calls his dad by his first name when talking about him, not dad or daddy anymore, and he will ask me "why did you leave ---- (ex husbands name)" and I'm like uhhhhhhh

P.S. I do NOT talk badly or about my ex husband in front of my children.

any advice? help!

It sounds like he misses his daddy badly. Divorce can really affect young children.

I would tell him that there are times when adults just can't get along anymore. It doesn't mean that you don't love your kids or that you feel any differently for him, but in order for you and his dad to be happy that you neede to not live together anymore. Kids usually think when their parents split that they're either the cause, or your love or feelings for them have changed which causes them to question it all. It's just him trying to understand what is going on, but of course, he's not old enough to fully understand the truth.

Quoting Nattielynn:" It sounds like he misses his daddy badly. Divorce can really affect young children."

But after a year?
I mean...honestly he hasn't really said anything to the tune of he misses his dad for the past almost year. he did for the first few weeks, then was over it. I don't date, there's no daddy confusion or things. All of a sudden out of nowhere he's doing this.
I WISH my ex would have a relationship with him, everytime he calls I ALWAYS answer the phone so my son and daughter can talk to him :/ it's just dishearting that he doesn't want that relationship

He's so young. Even after a year. Divorce is so hard on kids.

Just talk to him about it.

I'd just explain that daddy lives too far away for him to move there.

I used to do that all the time with my mom, usually to just get a rise out of her or because things werent going my way that day.

She would tell me to "write" a letter to him to ask him. The whole time she would talk to me about how she won't know what to do with my toys and how much her and all my friends would miss me...that would usually change my mind.

If your BD is good with him when he does have him..maybe you can plan a weekend trip for him one week? You could stay in a hotel for the weekend while he spent some time with him. I am not sure how your relationship is with him at this point or if he even wants to see LO again...

When he asks why, tell him that you and his daddy were not being very good friends, so he had to move into his own house so you both could be happier.

He misses his dad and its just the unpacked of the missing him that he is going throw. My daughter talks openly to me about her dad and she's only two and a half. She tells me she misses him and is ready to see him and I'm lucky with him still playing a good role in her life. You don't have to talk badly for then to see what's going on. I'm not going to tell my daughter what happened between me and her dad that to me isn't something she needs to hear but her dad was violent to me and was verbally abusive. He is great dad to her and to me that's what counts so when time comes for her to ask me about her dad I plan on telling her we wasn't able to get a long and didn't want to fight in front of her all the time. That we wanted to be happy for her in different relationships. Hopefully that answer works for her. Good luck

Quoting momof2cali:" But after a year? I mean...honestly he hasn't really said anything to the tune of he misses his dad ... [snip!] ... ALWAYS answer the phone so my son and daughter can talk to him :/ it's just dishearting that he doesn't want that relationship"

My parents separated when i was 15 (i'll be twenty in oct), and it STILL affects me. He's 4, its gonna take time. It sure doesnt help that daddy isnt coming around or calling much.

Quoting BoogerBear's Momma:" I used to do that all the time with my mom, usually to just get a rise out of her or because things werent ... [snip!] ... that you and his daddy were not being very good friends, so he had to move into his own house so you both could be happier. "

No, that won't happen. He will NOT come visit (he doesn't want to) and he won't have my son or daughter there either. I even gave him money last year he said he'd spend on the kids coming out...and well that never happened.

Quoting momof2cali:" But after a year? I mean...honestly he hasn't really said anything to the tune of he misses his dad ... [snip!] ... ALWAYS answer the phone so my son and daughter can talk to him :/ it's just dishearting that he doesn't want that relationship"

yea u have to think as a child, he is used to having his dad around and see's other kids with their dad....its just a faise..my 3 year old,,2 years at the time used to say i dont like you mom, i like my daddy..id just say awe thats nice nice hun, i dont say that to u...its just a faise thats all. maybe just explain to your son that living with his dad is not the best choice at the moment and his dad lives far far away