How do I respond?

How do I respond to this text from my son's grandmother who recently just met him for the first time?
My son is 10 months old and BD and his parents just met him. BD's mom sent me a letter so we met at their house. It was SUPER uncomfortable and I'm not trying to cater to BD who has never helped in any way with his son. I will however let his mom spend time with her grandson, but she enables her son who continually makes poor choices.


The text:"Hey there...just wanting to see how your doing and to know how u think everything went now that you've had some time to digest it all. Also I just got to thinking...I know its a long way to come here and it costs so I wanted to offer to help with gas when you do want to come for visits. I am very much looking forward to the next visit. Give me a call anytime you want to chat."

How do I tell her she can be involved but until her son makes his own efforts and steps up, I don't want to be around him nor do I want DS. TIA, and please don't be rude.

I honsetly wouldn't put her in the middle of it. I would just accept the gas money and visit whenever because it sounds like she wants to be involved. She is not her son and it might make everything worse if you put the burden on her shoulders.

I wouldn't put her in the middle of it either. I would however contact HIM and let HIM know how you feel about it.

Tell her exactly like that. You dont feel her son is making an effort to be there but you dont want to penalize her for that, so you'd prefer to have visits when he isnt around.

This is what happens with my piece of smurf brother. He couldn't give 2 smurfs about his kids but my mom does. She gets them all the time, helps out with them and what not. But she can't make him be a good dad. If he happens to be there when the kids are there then it happens but it isn't about him, its about her wanting to be a grandma

Why not offer for her to come see him the next time instead? Tell her you'd prefer it be just her. Have a separate conversation with his dad and ask him to do right by his child. I don't however think its right to keep the child from him unless he is a danger to him.

Quoting khigh:" I honsetly wouldn't put her in the middle of it. I would just accept the gas money and visit whenever ... [snip!] ... like she wants to be involved. She is not her son and it might make everything worse if you put the burden on her shoulders."

True it is between BD and I not her and I. She is genuine so I wouldn't want to burden her with this.

Quoting ::Mermaid Momma:::" I wouldn't put her in the middle of it either. I would however contact HIM and let HIM know how you feel about it."

I prob should but I cannot fathom having an adult convo with this man boy yet. He twists everything I say and is just manipulative.

My oldest's biological grandparents were like that at first. His bio dad isn't in his life (his own choice) but his family wanted to be. I take the kids to see them and if he is there, we just ignore him.

I would just explain to her that you would love for her to be in LO's life, but that for the time being, you would prefer him not be there.

Quoting Bearer of ʞings:" Tell her exactly like that. You dont feel her son is making an effort to be there but you dont want to penalize her for that, so you'd prefer to have visits when he isnt around."

This is what I want to say, and almost did but wasn't sure if it was appropriate. Thanks. I think I'll tell her that if she pries more.

I was take the gas money and visit her. My 10 yr old dd has a deadbeat dad does not come around very often, but she still see's his parents and his family even his other kids she spends time with, just not him. Dont put her in the middle its wrong. Just tell her that you dont mind visiting with her or other family, but not if he is going to be there. Thats how it is with my dd.

She can go visit whenever I go sometimes too, but if he is there its a no go, not till he steps up and makes things right...kwim?

Quoting Blythe.:" This is what happens with my piece of smurf brother. He couldn't give 2 smurfs about his kids but my mom ... [snip!] ... If he happens to be there when the kids are there then it happens but it isn't about him, its about her wanting to be a grandma"

Wow. It's good to hear though that grandma gets some grandkids time. I hope that happens with us. I would never want to be the one to axe that relationship.

Quoting khigh:" I honsetly wouldn't put her in the middle of it. I would just accept the gas money and visit whenever ... [snip!] ... like she wants to be involved. She is not her son and it might make everything worse if you put the burden on her shoulders."

this!!!!!

Dont put the hurt on her because HE doesnt want anything to do with your son.

Quoting Spencer Pratt:" Why not offer for her to come see him the next time instead? Tell her you'd prefer it be just her. Have ... [snip!] ... and ask him to do right by his child. I don't however think its right to keep the child from him unless he is a danger to him."

I have offered for her to come to my house. I live with my parents and she is afraid of what they think of her because of all the shanasmurfns her son has pulled with me. But I was thinking of asking her to meet me in my area at a park or something. His dad is SO untrustworthy so that is how he is a danger to my child. I always think I've seen the worst from him but then he pulls something even crazier out.

Quoting Juggernog-aholic:" My oldest's biological grandparents were like that at first. His bio dad isn't in his life (his own choice) ... [snip!] ... explain to her that you would love for her to be in LO's life, but that for the time being, you would prefer him not be there. "

I like the way that sounds. It's simple, not offensive and to the point. Thanks!