re: am I a heartless smurf?

It doesn't make you an smurf or heartless at all!!! I totally get where you're coming from. When my mom passed away everyone went to pay their respects before hospice came to pick up her body.. I was the only one that chose not to go see her after she had passed. I wanted to remember when she was alive and with us... I didn't want to forever have that image in my head of her gone... For years I always asked myself if I did the right thing... And I truly believe I did. I am happy when I think of her I see her smiling face rather than what that last image MIGHT have been...

Quoting Zbornak:" I'm in favor of assisted suicide too. I don't think it's right that we make people suffer. "

It's truly awful!!!!! If someone rather forgo the pain then let them!!

If you don't go it may eat at you for the rest of your life.

Nope, not at all. I had the same problem when my grandma was dying of cancer. But I had to suck it up because I was one of her caretakers until the end. My brother avoided seeing her altogether. He can't handle emotional things like that. He's not an smurf, that's just how he is.
My last memory of my grandma was actually a really nice one. A couple days before she died, she seemed really lucid and reached out to touch my face. Before that she would just look at me blankly but that day her eyes lit up when I came in. I'm telling you this just in case you do decide to go see her.

Quoting Tabasko:" Nope, not at all. I had the same problem when my grandma was dying of cancer. But I had to suck it up ... [snip!] ... look at me blankly but that day her eyes lit up when I came in. I'm telling you this just in case you do decide to go see her. "

I know a lot about death. Right before the final moments a lot do become responsive. It's crazy. It's part of the process. And I full heartedly believe that people hold on until they have those last good byes.

Not. At. All....
When I left for the military in 2005 my grandfather was i'd say mid-crazy....He was forgetting a lot, doing things over and over, had to keep reminding him who you were, he'd stop talking mid sentence.......
I saw him at my wedding a year later and he was almost completely gone.
When I moved back in 2010, he didn't know anything. I wanted SO bad to visit him, but I knew it wouldn't do anything but make me really upset so I didn't. He wouldn't know who I was, why I was there....my dad said the only thing he KNEW is he didn't want to be where he was and would cry and beg me to take him with me when I left. He passed a few weeks later. At his funeral I didn't even recognize him. He was just a skeleton of who he used to be. I'm upset I didn't see him before he left, but at the same time, i"m glad I remember him for him. not who the alzheimers turned him into.

i don't know what I want to do but I don't have alot.of time to think about it.
Im just scared  
And to make it worse we have $6 in the bank until Friday and no cash.
I have a half a tank of gas and she is an hour and a half away.

I feel like I want to but then I remember how horrible it's going to be.

Quoting ☆stumbleine ☆:" I know a lot about death. Right before the final moments a lot do become responsive. It's crazy. It's ... [snip!] ... It's crazy. It's part of the process. And I full heartedly believe that people hold on until they have those last good byes."

I believe it, and I'm grateful that my last memory is a happy one. She was my guardian for most of my life. I still cry about it sometimes especially on the anniversary which is on the 29th.

I lived with my grandma from the time I was 4 up until I was 16 when she died. She had hospice care at home and I couldn't stand to see her suffer so I did my best to never be home. It hurt me to much to watch her die. I loved her more then anything and she knew that so I didn't feel bad about not being around to watch her death

I think it's a very individual decision. I would have thought that I wouldn't want to see my grandmother who was in the hospital dying and was unresponsive as she was always so full of life. I wanted to remember her my way and given that she lived across the US . She died five years ago. I would give anything to go back and be with her.

No i do not think your are heartless but just because someone is unresponsive doesnt mean they cant hear you. as a hopsice worker things change before death also people with dementia and such can remember people in thier lives just before death just a thought

This is a little late, however; if you do decide to go to see her, they will most likely have some papers that you can read about what is going on. My grandmother was in a hospice with alsheimers and dementia. She actually was moved to the hospice after suffering a stroke that left her unable to swallow. I stayed with her every night for a week, I never left her side. The funny thing about death is that in a way it makes the person suffering more aware of what is going on. They say that the day before a person dies you will be likely to see them talking and acting like they always had in the past. My grandmother could barely recognize anyone in the family, but she did then. She could tell us she loved us and have short conversations with us. Basically what I am saying is that if this is the last time you will ever see your grandmother, go now. You can remember all the good times you had with her before even if she seems different now. You only get one chance to say goodbye.