....................................

....................................

Quoting ~*Icat*~:" my three year old has communication/social delays that put him at about a 1.5 year old in those areas. ... [snip!] ... shame over him. and now I feel shame for having felt shame. But it made me wonder....do you ever feel ashamed of your kids...?"

i think you were probably feeling shame that they were acting that way. how rude.
some people just dont know how to act socially.

I don't feel ashamed.. but sometimes embarrassed when LO acts up in public.
only because i know he knows better, he just does it when there are other little kids he can show off for, or my little sister is around. she's 8, and is quite the instigator....

but don't feel ashamed momma. its clearly something you cant control.
some children just have trouble in those situations. its understandable.

next time just say quite loudly, '' it's nice that you werent blessed w/ a specail needs child, cause you obviously werent graced w/the patients to deal w/it!"

sometimes. My 2 year old DD can be very hard to deal with and melts down very fast. One time I had her and my 4 year old son at the beach alone and she just lost it all the sudden and would not stop freaking out so I had to try to pack up everything, explain to my son we had to leave, all while holding her kicking and screaming, and everyone was just staring at me with their mouths hanging open once I got everything back in the car I just crawled in the back with them and well all just cried for a bit and I said I was sorry to my 4 year old and went to get him a milkshake, not the best day

Quoting ~*Icat*~:" my three year old has communication/social delays that put him at about a 1.5 year old in those areas. ... [snip!] ... shame over him. and now I feel shame for having felt shame. But it made me wonder....do you ever feel ashamed of your kids...?"

Yes. When people are being very judgmental it is hard not to. Even with my baby, who has just started screeching instead of crying. He's only six months but when people are giving me looks, I get super embarrassed. It is so stupid and I know it.

THEY are being unreasonable and they have no clue obviously. But I just think most people don't like having attention drawn to them and that kind of puts you in the spotloght.

My son used to throw groceries out of the cart at ppl head bang scream etc at age 3 due to sensory issues etc.. it was embarrassing at times however once I realized I was embarrassed for me and my parenting skills verses his skills it got.better not his fault and we had to work on it

my 3 y/o has thrown tantrums everywhere and sometimes he gets crazy out of control.
I will admit i get mad because he acts like this but i don't get embarrassed. he's a child and plenty of kids act like that.
i have seen ppl give me looks but smurf them.

I have a difficult three (almost four) year old as well, but his issue isn't necessarily screaming... more or less running, jumping climbing and just being a general terror. I wouldn't say that I have ever felt ashamed of him, but embarrassed and frustrated... like why can't you just sit still and behave for once! He has a communication delay and what they are calling socio-emotional issues that we just had him evaluated on so he is getting the help that he needs in that respect. Other than that though, he's a pretty happy guy and I try to deal with it as it comes... I know how absolutely frustrating it can be!

I wish people were more understanding. I was on a plane ride with my daughter and she was a couple months old and she was really tired and cranky and a man across the isle made a comment about how children shouldnt be allowed on planes.

Usually Im much more classy but all I could say was "smurf you".

He didnt make anymore comments.

But that didnt stop me from being flustered and embarrassed.

I used to be a bit embarassed, but after your kid verbal stimms loud enough for the entire universe to hear, tries to snatch people's drinks out of their hands, grabs people to try to get them to get him something he wants, jumps, flaps, and screams in the highest siren screaming voice ever-nope not any more.Most of the time I am too busy dealing with him, and the other times I am too tired to deal with ignorant people. However I am very upfront when people do look at me quizzically, or try and talk to him and I tell them he has Autism. But I remember being where you are, and sometimes it is a sad and lonely place-I am sorry, but it really does get better...or we get better, idk.

And part of the issue is that I have to handle both of them at the same time EVERY time I take them out. Which means a wandering 1.5 year old who doesn't listen, and a three year old of the same communication abilities of the 1.5 year old.

I'm confident in my ability to parent him, and my skills as a parent.

and yea, I guess im ashamed by his actions sometimes...not of him in general.

I know he isn't doing anything on purpose, and it isn't something he can really control. Sometimes I get angry because cognitively he's very much a three year old, and quite smart....and I feel confused...like he SHOULD cognitively know better...he just can't seem to get the cognitive and communication levels to sync up, and that's causing the meltdowns and frustration.

Quoting mama3trish:" I used to be a bit embarassed, but after your kid verbal stimms loud enough for the entire universe ... [snip!] ... where you are, and sometimes it is a sad and lonely place-I am sorry, but it really does get better...or we get better, idk."

yea, maybe it is the "we get better".

I appreciate your understanding though. thank you. I feel so ashamed for feeling embarrassment. No one talks about this part of parenting a child with high or special needs. Its a taboo subject, and feeling this way makes me feel like I'm a smurffy parent.

Quoting ~*Icat*~:" And part of the issue is that I have to handle both of them at the same time EVERY time I take them out. ... [snip!] ... just can't seem to get the cognitive and communication levels to sync up, and that's causing the meltdowns and frustration."

I can completely relate to what you are saying... my daughter is almost two and the communication delay with him puts him at her age yet his cognitive abilities are advanced for his age. He is so very smart... I just have the hardest time getting through to him sometimes. It took me awhile to realize that there was more going on with him than just typical three year old stuff... I'm now grateful to have him going in the right direction and feel as though I can work through it better myself.

Quoting ~*Icat*~:" yea, maybe it is the "we get better". I appreciate your understanding though. thank you. I feel so ... [snip!] ... parenting a child with high or special needs. Its a taboo subject, and feeling this way makes me feel like I'm a smurffy parent."

It makes you human, we forget that we are people too, not just parents. This may sound mean, but we laugh. We didn't at first and we don't laugh at tantrums, but if he is stimming really loud or breaks out in a fit of giggles at the most awkward of times we laugh-it took us a long time to find our humour again. Sometimes we get so caught up in how it should be that we don't see it from their perspective and when you do things make sense a little more and get a little easier. It took me 6 months to realise that my son cried hysterically when he went to school because he had to go in through a different door, so when we figured it out my other two kids and I made a game about going through a different door-we made it fun and the crying stopped. When my son wakes me up at ungodly hours of the night I still giggle if I hear him laugh or echo something like "shut the door", some of the only words he has ever said. You will find that the more you see things from his angle and embrace his different abilities that people tend to relax around you as well. I think my kid is pretty cool and it has made my other two kids more accepting of others. There is always positive in every situation, but when we are stuck in negative it is hard to get out. Hang in there mama-ever need to vent I am here.