my story... *AS*

Id like to share my experience, mainly for myself just to get everything off my chest, everything is still fresh in my mind, and i want to make sure everything is as accurate as possible.
I know how much i struggled with this decision, and hopefully if there is another mama going through this, this story can give you some peace of mind.
This is just going to be the experience of the actual abortion, if you want to know my story on why i decided this was the best decision for me, i will let you know.
on September 4th, 2012, i decided to have an abortion.
I had to wake up around 630AM...took a shower...and waited on my friend to come pick me up...during this time 1,000 emotions went through me...is this the right thing? am i sure?...
finally i was on my way to the clinic..over 2 and half hours away.
i was mostly nervous because i had no idea what to even expect,id never even seen an abortion clinic, and i had expected to see a crowd of pro-lifers with posters standing outside, but i was wrong.
the closer i got the harder my heart was beating, when we pulled up, i saw a nice 2 story white house looking building.
when i walked in the waiting room was surprisingly full, all types of women, couples, moms and daughters, all different ages...all different stories.
i remember they had a flat screen on the wall, playing Mean Girls.
i walked up to the window and let them know i had an appt for 10:00am,
and let me say, i had no idea this process was going to take SO long, i was in there for over 4 and half hours.
once i signed in, they collected my money, 350$ and told me to wait to be called back...
it felt like i had only sat down for a few seconds before the door opened and i heard my name...my heart was still beating fast.
they led me into a small room where the nurse asked me a series of medical questions, then gave me a gown, instructed me to change, afterwards, a different nurse pricked my finger and got my blood to check iron and determine blood type....from there i was called by another nurse to follow her into a room for the ultrasound.
this is possibly the HARDEST part, for me anyway.
the nurse did a vaginal ultrasound to determine how far along i was,
7 weeks and 3 days...
"can i see the ultrasound?"
i dont know what came over me, the whole time i had planned to not look...but i did...and it broke my heart...ill never forget that sonogram.
the nurse handed me 2 pills, ibrophen and a pain killer to relax me
then she handed me 2 more pills,
she told me to hold them in the cheeks of my mouth and let me know that those would be the pills to cut off the hormone needed to continue the pregnancy,
i starred at the pills for what seemed like 2 hours, then i looked back at the ultrasound and started crying...at this point i wasn't sure if i was going to go through with it or not, the nurse handed me my clothes, and told me if i wanted to think about it and come back that i had up to 13 weeks to do it, but i knew if i was going to do it, it was going to be that day...
so i stepped outside...talked to my friend...cried..called my mom....and prayed...then i just stepped out of my emotions..looked at my situation and the future with all possible options, then i just knew, this is was right choice...i walked back in, went back to the nurse, she gave me a gown to change into and told me to put a pad on because the pills would make me start to bleed.
i remember holding the pills in the cheeks of my mouth, it tasted awful, and made my whole mouth sore. while i was waiting on the pills to dissolve, they had me go to a different waiting room, where 8 or 9 other girls sat in gowns, they had some jennifer aniston movie playing.
i laid across some chairs and covered up with a blanket, the pain killers were kicking in and i was getting sleepy.
the nurse called my name to go back to another waiting room...this room had 5 big comfy chairs, there was a girl holding her stomach crying, and i sat there...terrified
then, the nurse got me to go back to the procedure room.
it was very bright, very cold...
i laid on the table and the nurse put a gas mask on me to relax me
i remember breathing in as hard as i could
from there on it was a blur...
i was conscious during the whole thing, i felt everything
i wouldn't say it necessarily HURT, it was just more uncomfortable than anything, i could literally feel the suction in my uterus.
the whole thing only lasted about 4 minutes, as soon as the dr. finished,
the nurse was helping me up
i was as white as a ghost...my hands were shaking and i felt like i was about to throw up.
from there they sent me back to the small waiting room...took my blood pressure..made me wait 10 mins, then handed me my clothes, a prescription for antibiotics, and for birth control.
and that was it, i left.
i had no emotions whatsoever afterwards, i kind of just felt like a zombie.
so that's where i stand as of now...
physically im exhausted, sore, just feel run down, wasn't able to sleep good
emotionally im okay..

if anyone going through this or is trying to make a decision, you can def feel free to ask me any questions or to talk to me...
you can private message if you don't feel comfortable asking in the forum.

*Hugs*

I did the exact same thing almost 10 years ago, so I could relate entirely to your story. With time it does get easier, but I'd be lying if I said I didn't still have those "what-if's." But I know that if I hadn't made the decision that I did then, I wouldn't have the life - and children - I have now.

If you ever need to talk, I'm here for you.

this made me cry...
im sorry you had to go through that, but im happy you made the right choice for you family... hugs momma

*HUGS*
I know it wasn't an easy decision but you had to do what was best for you and your family.

ive been listening to this song all day...seems to fit my situation so perfectly...
depression is kicking in a little...

I cried reading this as well.

I contemplated going through the same thing and decided keeping the baby was best for me. A lot of it had to do with the fact I was terrified of the procedure itself and another part was the heartbreak that came from SO when I told him I didnt want to keep his child.

You are a strong woman. I pray I never have to go through that situation and my heart definitely goes out to those that do. *hugs*

Quoting L&B +1:" I cried reading this as well. I contemplated going through the same thing and decided keeping the baby ... [snip!] ... are a strong woman. I pray I never have to go through that situation and my heart definitely goes out to those that do. *hugs*"

its not something id ever do again...
this has been the hardest thing ive ever dealt with...

<blockquote><b>Quoting supermommy☠:</b>" Id like to share my experience, mainly for myself just to get everything off my chest, everything is ... [snip!] ... free to ask me any questions or to talk to me... you can private message if you don't feel comfortable asking in the forum."</blockquote>




You are so brave,mama! And very mature,to weigh your future potential and use logic instead of emotion.

Your experience was sooooooo much like mine,from the long wait,to the ultrasound.
I actually asked for a copy of mine,funny because I don't see HOW that would help me or WHY, because I had NO DESIRE to carry or birth so why would I want a picture of my embryo ? And why did I weep after I got home?

Hormones do wacky things to women.

Thank you for sharing your experience,you've given me a chance to share the baffling parts of mine.

If you feel scared or doubtful or ANYTHING like that, PM me and I'll be there for you.Stay strong mama.(hugs)

Wow, I had no idea this happened. You were in the april dd group   I'm sorry

Quoting £egendary Zeppelin:" Wow, I had no idea this happened. You were in the april dd group   I'm sorry"

yeah....