We're telling lylian today :(

So we talked last night about our friend who's dying (see my last post) and when we should tell lylian. She's almost 5 and understand death and talks about it and asks questions a lot right now. Since she really adores my friend we want to prepare her for what is to come, especially since we don't know how fast it is going to happen. Our friend might be coming home from the hospital this week so we don't know how long it will be before she passes.

We're basically just gonna say she's really sick and goin to heaven is the Only way to make her feel better. We don't know when god will take her but were gonna enjoy her until that day comes.

I just don't want her to be taken by it surprise when it happens and I want her to understand. If anyone has any suggestions on what to say from experience with death and talking to children I would appreciate it.

Also wanted to add she dealt with the sudden death of my cousin last march and is still very obsessed with that situation. I think it's cause it was sudden. So I want her to be prepared this time. But I'm expecting 100 questions for at least a yr.

That sounds good, at least she will be prepared to know instead of just not seeing her anymore. I don't have advice on what to say though. I was 10 when my grandma passed away, and it was hard, I use to see her alot and spend lots of days with her. My parents had just told me she went to heaven because she was sick and it would make her better and they had to tell me I wouldn't be able to see her anymore. It use to make me cry because I didn't quite understand why I couldn't see her anymore.

Quoting lolajessup:" So we talked last night about our friend who's dying (see my last post) and when we should tell lylian. ... [snip!] ... I think it's cause it was sudden. So I want her to be prepared this time. But I'm expecting 100 questions for at least a yr."

I would discuss the emotions that she and others may feel and express. You are putting a positive spin on the death (saying that the friend will feel better), but I'd also be sure to discuss how its normal for everyone to still feel sad for a while, and she might want to cry and others might cry, and that's alright, but whenever someone goes away like that, people usually feel sad about it. That way she will be prepared for the emotions she'll witness in others as well as those that she may feel herself.

<blockquote><b>Quoting ✰ johnna ✰:</b>" I would discuss the emotions that she and others may feel and express. You are putting a positive spin ... [snip!] ... about it. That way she will be prepared for the emotions she'll witness in others as well as those that she may feel herself."</blockquote>


Oh thanks! That's really good to know. I wasn't even thinking that way. I really appreciate it. I will definitely talk about that.

So saying she won't be in pain anymore but we will all be sad and miss her and it's ok to cry. (I'm sure I'll cry when telling her)

My son is about to be 4 and although he talks about death I really dont think its something children fully understand. I remember my aunt dying of cancer when I was 8 and still at that age it was hard for me to get she wasnt coming back for a while after she passed.

IMO it will be a surprise to her once it happens no matter what, It may be better to wait until it does happen since it could honestly be months from now, Thats not something someone can put a real time limit on ya know.

Im really sorry to hear this sad news though   I just went through my friends year death from cancer, She was only 21 when she passed and it was really hard. Praying for your friend and family.

Quoting lolajessup:" <blockquote><b>Quoting ✰ johnna ✰:</b>" I would discuss the emotions ... [snip!] ... she won't be in pain anymore but we will all be sad and miss her and it's ok to cry. (I'm sure I'll cry when telling her)"

And that will be a perfect opportunity to explain why you're crying, how its hard to say goodbye. Its emotional and it hurts and makes people sad, and that's all normal ways to feel, and those feelings will get better over time.

<blockquote><b>Quoting ♥3rdTri♥:</b>" My son is about to be 4 and although he talks about death I really dont think its something children ... [snip!] ... my friends year death from cancer, She was only 21 when she passed and it was really hard. Praying for your friend and family."</blockquote>

I was til the average time in hospice care is only 17 days. So it's hard to say. It also depends on some other factors they're trying to work it. So it's very complicated. I just don't want her to be taken by surprise when it happens and make it worse. My friend just turned 22. Idk if u read my last post or not.

She does know about death since my cousin died. And asks a lot of questions. So she already knows bout where people go when they die and how we don't see them again until we die. That type of stuff.

<blockquote><b>Quoting ✰ johnna ✰:</b>" And that will be a perfect opportunity to explain why you're crying, how its hard to say goodbye. Its ... [snip!] ... emotional and it hurts and makes people sad, and that's all normal ways to feel, and those feelings will get better over time. "</blockquote>


Thank you. That is very helpful! Have u been though a conversation like this with a child?

Quoting lolajessup:" <blockquote><b>Quoting ♥3rdTri♥:</b>" My son is about to be 4 and although ... [snip!] ... So she already knows bout where people go when they die and how we don't see them again until we die. That type of stuff."

Well like I said hun, Its just my personal opinion of what I would do, Thats all.

Quoting lolajessup:" <blockquote><b>Quoting ✰ johnna ✰:</b>" And that will be a perfect ... [snip!] ... over time. "</blockquote> Thank you. That is very helpful! Have u been though a conversation like this with a child?"

Not exactly. No one in his life has passed yet, but he's a little strange/sensitive, so he has had bouts of being really upset by the fact that people will die at some point. (I was the same way as a kid, though I never experienced any close losses). But I have had to discuss death with him mainly because he worries so much about it..

<blockquote><b>Quoting ♥3rdTri♥:</b>" Well like I said hun, Its just my personal opinion of what I would do, Thats all."</blockquote>

Oh I know what you mean. It's just something so and I decided to do.

My sister was 20 last august when she was tragically killed in a car accident. She lived with us so my 5yo son was pretty attached to her. We just explained to him that she went to Heaven and was going to live there with God. He was sad and he cried and his innocense really touched my heart. He asked if God would give her mountain dew. Which was her favorite soda that she drank all day every day. I explained to him that Heaven was a beautiful place and that she would live there and have a ll the mountain dew she wanted and live with her dog who had passed a few months before. And that God had chosen her to be an angel and that its such a gift to be chosen to be an angel when God has so many to choose from. He asked other questions about what we would do with her stuff since she wouldnt need it in heaven and when we would be able to see her again. He doesnt know any of the details of her accident or how she died. I was worried that he would be terrified to get in a car. A year later he still talks about her from time to time, but he doesnt cry anymore. Children can be so resiliant. I still cry almost daily, but he is a champ. I hope that all goes as well as possible explaining this to your child and I hope that you and your family and friends can all find peace.

<blockquote><b>Quoting *Gaven & Ashton's Mommy*:</b>" My sister was 20 last august when she was tragically killed in a car accident. She lived with us so my ... [snip!] ... all goes as well as possible explaining this to your child and I hope that you and your family and friends can all find peace."</blockquote>


I'm so sorry.   I am glad though that she got to experince death first with a family member who she didn't know super well (they lived a couple hours away and she had just went off to college) so that she already has te death background and knows kind of how it works. I'm just worried more cause she spends a lot of time with my friend and just adores her. Everyone does. Which makes this so hard