Friend dying/slowly losing someone close to you

Has anyone lost a close friend? I'm kind of beside myself right now and don't really know how to accept this. Heres the story...

So last yr my friend kept having Abdominal pain and went to the hospital several times but they kept sending her home. Finally she had the last straw was throwing up terribly one night and her mom rushed her to the er and she had a 15 inch cyst on her ovary. So the dr on call removed that ovary since it was completely wrapped around it. For a week we waited to see if it was malignant and the time came and he found out it was. She started chemo right before her 21st bday. Lost all her hair a week after she turned 21.

So all was well that summer(last summer) and the chemo was working she didn't get too sick and all was good. She got her first follow up pet scan and all was good. Went in to the hospital right before she was scheduled for her next one (3 mos later) with the same symptoms. They determined it was back on the other ovary. so they removed that one as well.

Did chemo again, a little more aggressive. Did her follow up scan a few weeks after ending it and she had some "pockets of fluid" on her bowels. So they watched them and come to find out they were also malignant. So she went to two major hospitals in the country to find out what was the best plan of action. She picked one after a month of waiting for them to give they're recommendations. She was supposed to start last Monday on a very aggressive chemo but on Sunday the night before she went to te hospital cause she was puking again and she had a uti. Well they had I delay chemo cause she can't do it while sick or else tell kill her. So she waited in the hospital to get better.

Problem now is she's not Gettig better or well enough for chemo. She got another test and her specialist said the cancer has now attached to her liver. She was given basically no hope since she's not well enough for chemo. She's in so much pain she can't even get from one dose of morphine to the next. Her abdomen is filled with liters of fluid they keep draining but It builds up so fast. She said she's done fighting and doesn't want to hurt anymore. So she rejected another bout of chemo. She's going to be sent home on hospice care until she passes.

I just don't know what to do. I don't want to lose my friend. But I also dont Wanna see her suffer. It's just so hard. I don't wanna be sad cause she's still here and I want to enjoy every minute I spend with her not worried about what tomorrow is gonna bring. But it's scary not knowing how much time she has left. I don't wanna tell my dd about it cause she just adores her. And she is starting to understand death and I don't want her upset. I just don't know how to physically and emotionally process this.

This didn't happen to a friend of mine, it happen to my father, except it started out as brain cancer. If you need/want to talk, you can PM me or PT me... It's about time for me to eat, but I will be back on later tonight. I hate this for you & your friend.

know how you are feeling. my aunt is dying from cancer. the chemo is only prolonging her life. its hard no knowing how much time she has left.she get well enough to be sent home, but then a week later something happens and shes back in the hospital. she is such a fighter. she was tol she would be dead by march after finding out in december. its now september tomorrow and still is hanging on.

I just lost a cousin 3 months ago and an uncle 2 weeks ago due to cancer, Its not an easy thing to deal with , But when you think about them not suffering anymore it relieves some pain! Im sorry and my condolences are with you !

Poor sweet girl. Just be there with her each day that you can. Life has a funny way of working but remember she won't be suffering anymore. Try to make some good last memories with her. My prayers are with you.

I had to watch my seemingly healthy grandmother go from diagnosis in December of 2001 until march of 2002. It was the hardest thing n my life to watch and my family has never truely recovered. There was nothing they could do for her it was too far advanced. I watched my grandmother suffer and had barely anytime with her before we all said good bye. It will ne hard to say good bye but keep your awesome memories of the great times u guys had together close and remember that person for who they were before. I will always remember playing mother may I on my grandma's porch with my grandma and that got me through the hardest time of my life. I am so sorry u r going through this and if you need someone to talk to you can message me.

I lost my grandfather to small cell lung cancer two years ago tomorrow. He caught pneumonia, went to the hospital and he had a spot on his lung. They tested for TB and it came back as cancer. The pneumonia weakened him too much for chemo and radiation. But they said if he got strong enough for it, that it would only prolong his life for 9 months, then the cancer would mutate and stop responding to treatment and he would die anyway. He turned down the treatment and went into home hospice care. Slowly he stopped eating. And it went downhill from there. You learn to treasure the moments you do have. You watch the shows you enjoy together. You talk about the weather. Talk about your kids. You just enjoy spending time together. It's all you can do.

I also lost my grandmother 3 1/2 years ago to an inoperable brain tumor. She had bronchitis that turned into pneumonia and then instead of getting better, she got lost in her own kitchen and tried to pee in a closet because she got lost on the way to the bathroom. :/ She didn't live in a large house. They found the tumor and gave her 6 weeks to live. She lasted 8. She was on steroids for the swelling. We would take her to Target and she would say "Oh what a wonderful, beautiful place." We would do family dinner nights at her house once a week. We even did take out Olive Garden and brought it back to her house because she LOVED Olive Garden lasagna.

I know what you're going through and it hurts. I hope that you find peace and that you enjoy the time you have left with your friend, however long that may be.

Thank you ladies. This is hard. I've really only lost people suddenly and traumatically so I didnt have time to dwell on it.

The dr isn't Even saying how long she has which makes me think not much. Since if she goes on hospice care they will not allow medical procedures to prolong her life. So basically she's just gonna fill up with this fluid that's leaking into her abdomen until what? It crushes her lungs and she suffocates? Idk. It's just so sad. She just got it drained turs and already looks full term preg again   we went to see her today in case it's the last time she's "normal" ya know. But it's still hard cause she's not normal. She's usually loud and peppy and he's just drugged and shows no emotion. Somber. I don't want her to give up but I also don't like seeing her in pain. I want her to do what's best for her. Not worry about how everyone else feels. She's only 22 for gods sake. Never even got a chance to be a mom, an aunt, nothing. Her brother just graduated and started college last week. He's been home every weekend and he is 4 hrs away.

Quoting lolajessup:" Thank you ladies. This is hard. I've really only lost people suddenly and traumatically so I didnt have ... [snip!] ... an aunt, nothing. Her brother just graduated and started college last week. He's been home every weekend and he is 4 hrs away."

Well, I believe they still drain the fluid for comfort sake. I could be wrong, but I would think they would still drain her. Unless they've said they wouldn't do that specifically. And that's horrible that she fills up so quickly like that.   I'm glad that you support her decisions.

<blockquote><b>Quoting Blair Waldorf:</b>" Well, I believe they still drain the fluid for comfort sake. I could be wrong, but I would think they ... [snip!] ... do that specifically. And that's horrible that she fills up so quickly like that.   I'm glad that you support her decisions."</blockquote>


What else can I do really? It won't help to make her feel guilty about it. It's her body and only she knows her pain and when shes ready to go. She's scared I'm sure but I don't want her to think we don't support her.

Quoting lolajessup:" <blockquote><b>Quoting Blair Waldorf:</b>" Well, I believe they still drain the fluid ... [snip!] ... only she knows her pain and when shes ready to go. She's scared I'm sure but I don't want her to think we don't support her."

And I think that's awesome of you to do that for her. Not everyone has people supporting their decisions even on something like this. It's sad. I'm glad she has you.

<blockquote><b>Quoting Blair Waldorf:</b>" And I think that's awesome of you to do that for her. Not everyone has people supporting their decisions even on something like this. It's sad. I'm glad she has you."</blockquote>

Yeah there's a group of 5 of us who work together who are close friends and we are all trying to stick together for her and support her. We don't want her to think nobody cared about her or gave up on her. So we're gonna try to get her OuT and do things if she can when she gets home even if we need to push her around in a wheel chair. Right now she's still able to get up and walk a little.

Quoting lolajessup:" <blockquote><b>Quoting Blair Waldorf:</b>" And I think that's awesome of you to do ... [snip!] ... when she gets home even if we need to push her around in a wheel chair. Right now she's still able to get up and walk a little."

That's good. Hopefully there will be a way to drain her fluids even in hospice. The idea is to keep her comfortable and that to me is a comfort thing.

<blockquote><b>Quoting Blair Waldorf:</b>" That's good. Hopefully there will be a way to drain her fluids even in hospice. The idea is to keep her comfortable and that to me is a comfort thing."</blockquote>

I know that's what I'm hoping. But hospice doesn't do medical things like a home visiting nurse so thu wouldn't be able to clean it or change it. Idk. Well see.

Sorry if I repeat anything someone else has said, I don't have the time to read the replies.
I haven't been in a relationship similar to this, but I've lost a few close friends due to suicide. Of course, not the same thing.
Just try being there to support her, spend time with her.. bring her gifts and make memories while you still can.
Maybe make her a scrapbook of the current memories.. and keep it after she passes for the ones in the making. Write her a book, a letter or something.
Let her know how much you care.
I'm sure she'll appreciate anything at this point in time..
Best of luck to you and your friend.