*Here is hoping Mara makes this a sticky*
My name is Yvonne. I had an abortion in 2009. I was in a horrible place.
My oldest sons father and I were in a very toxic relationship. He did stuff to me one morning with our son in my arms that I called my mom and I packed everything and I left. A couple nights later, I hooked up with my ex from in middle school. We had unprotected sex. Then a few days after that we had [stupidly and very dumbly] wanted to try for a baby. Yes, you heard that right. I made a baby. Well 3 weeks went by and I was in FL. Found out I was pregnant. I was happy, he was happy. The first day that I got home from FL, my oldest sons father wanted to spend time with me. So dumbly, I agree. I knew what he wanted. He wanted to get back together.
I am not ashamed. I told him that I was pregnant, with the other guys kid. I know he went outside to smoke. I think there were words said. But then he said, I just want one more night with you. And we stayed up all night. Talking. Things kinda felt good, like he had just came home from the hospital after being sick [another story]. Then he said to me, if you want to be with me, you have to get a abortion. Yes, he said "the baby or me". I chose him. So we went, I got the pill. I went home, he went to a wedding the next day and our son went with my mom. I took the other 2 pills and held them in my cheeks, for 45 minutes. 20 minutes after having the pills in my cheeks, I started bleeding. I started crying. I started passing tissue. I kept [TMI] pulling it out and looking for the baby that I "wanted" and "loved". I was in so much pain. My uterus was contracting. And it was painful and all I wanted was my sons father to hold me and tell me that everything was alright.
But he was cold. 3 days later, I felt good. I was RELIVED that it was over and my sons father and I could start everything and plan for our future. But that is when it started. A few weeks after I got it done. What HE wanted me to do.. He started yelling at me when we were in fights telling me that I was good for nothing and that I killed my child. I was useless. I felt horrible. I still do. I had nothing but my 2 year old son to my name. NOTHING. I felt like I had done all of this for him and he didnt give a smurf. He told me at one point, if I got pregnant again that he would force me to keep it. Then a couple days later, told me that if I got pregnant, that he would force me to get an abortion. He would bring it up everytime we got into a fight for a year. Until he left me for his now wife.
I have come to see, that I am grateful that I got the abortion. Some part of me thinks that if I didnt get that abortion, nothing would have put him on edge enough to try and find someone "better". I have a 5 year old son right now who is sleeping. I also have a 10 month old son that I placed for adoption, because again I was not in that spot to have another child. I did not have the money for an abortion, nor were there funds to completely fund it for me. Nor did, I have any other financial help at all.
Here is my thread from march 2009...
Here is my adoption story...
Here is my adoption blog:
Just know that there is a light at the end of the tunnel. It will get better. <3 If you want to talk, you can message me and talk to me.