re: Experiences of others that have had abortions

To bump this up...

http://feminspire.com/i-am-grateful-for-my-abortion/
http://pro-choice-teddy-bear.tumblr.com/

Bumping this up...

Quoting Yurvette [♥]:" I hope to make a sticky of this to help women that are thinking of abortion and want help. http:// ... [snip!] ... do not post pro life comments.. This is a protected forum. I posted this to help anyone who wants to hear others stories."

I ♥ Katie Stack (2nd video) SUCH a smart woman and she's a major activist for womens reproductive rights, AND she's currently working in an abortion clinic. Yes, I love her  

Quoting NICKEL☮POLIS:" I ♥ Katie Stack (2nd video) SUCH a smart woman and she's a major activist for womens reproductive rights, AND she's currently working in an abortion clinic. Yes, I love her  "

Wow.. I didnt know that... Wow.. Im all for womens rights.. so go her.

My Jewish Abortion

It’s no secret why frightened looking girls walk into the social worker’s office on the second floor of the Student Health Center at UC Berkeley.
And while I sat there, vaguely nauseous and needing to pee (for the third time that hour) I avoided eye contact with the students walking by. After all, Nice Jewish Girls don’t get knocked up freshman year of college.
The social worker had a warm smile and a firm handshake. She was short and petite with close-cropped curly hair and kind eyes. She reminded me of my mom, and I tried not to let that bother me.
“So,” she said once we were seated across from each other. “You’re pregnant.”
“Yes.”
“These things happen,” she said, “and it’s my job to make sure that you have all the resources you can to make your decision.”
“I’ve already made my decision.”
“And?” she asked, her face as neutral as the beige walls. On her wide wooden desk, she had one of those small water garden fountain thingies, and the sound of trickling water rattled the stillness between our sentences. Not very Zen. I had read somewhere that the sound of flowing water is supposed to make people feel calm in the face of chaos, but it just made my bladder spasm instead.
“I’m not ready to have a baby.”
“Have you spoken with the father?”
“No.”
“Any reason not to?”
(Aside from the fact that I wasn’t really sure who the father was…) “No. There’s just no reason to involve him. Why mess him his finals schedule, you know?” I could feel my smile, shaky and lopsided, slide off my face.
“Ok. Well, we’re here to support any decision you make,” she said, reaching for a stack of brochures to her right on the desk. “Here is a list of outside doctors you can contact,” she added as I took the pamphlet. “Do you have SHIPP insurance?” she asked, referring to the student health insurance plan that most students opt into when they enroll each semester.
I nodded.
“Good. That that will cover some of the cost, but you will need to come up with around $250.”
I gulped.
“It’s actually quite reasonable,” she said when she saw my baleful expression.
I had no idea what the going rate was, but $250 seemed like a staggering figure.
Immediately after my parents and I had unloaded all of my boxes into my dorm room on the August afternoon I had moved to Berkeley, the three of us had walked down to the Campus Credit Union office where they opened a checking account for me. On the first of every month, I would race down to the mail room, eagerly awaiting the long thin envelope addressed to me in my mom’s loopy script. I’d ignore the long letter and the pictures of the garden or the cats that she’d always include, and gleefully stuff the check for $100 into my back pocket as I skipped along Durant Avenue to the Campus Credit Union.
My parents figured since I was on a flex meal plan, and my housing arrangements were already taken care of, that $100 a month would be more than enough for extra expenses like a good book or a dinner at Thai House.
“And you might even save some money!” my mom had said with a hopeful smile.
But with my penchant for a little light body modification, the occasional dime bag, vanillacigarettes and way-too-expensive lattes at Wall Berlin, I barely had enough extra cash to cover the month.
At that moment, I had a grand total of $12.97 to tide me over until Dec. 1.
And I knew asking my parents for money would break their hearts.
“Hypothetically speaking, what if someone doesn’t have enough money?” I asked.
The social worker looked at me, her eyes alighting on the silver Jewish star necklace I was wearing.
“Are you Jewish?”
I nodded. My face flushed, and I looked down at my shaking hands. I taught Hebrew school at my synagogue. I received the Rabbi’s Scholarship for Outstanding Work in the Jewish Community. I kept kosher. And I was 19 and pregnant.
“Ok that’s good, because there is a philanthropic Jewish women’s group that offers a scholarship of $250 to help cover costs. Would you be interested in that sort of thing?”
I wondered if I would have to write an essay or give them my SAT scores or show them my Bat Mitzvah certificate.
“How would I qualify?”
“By being pregnant, and by not wanting to be pregnant. And by being Jewish,” she replied. “Look, I’ll contact the president of the organization, and I can have a check made out to you by the end of the week. Sound good?”
It sounded great. And not because I had found a way to finance my abortion. But because for the first time since I found out I was pregnant, I realized that I wasn’t the first-nor would I be the last-knocked up Nice Jewish Girl.
Look. I know that some of you will not agree with my decision. In fact, some of you will be sickened by it. But I did what many other 19-year-old girls would do: I chose to stay in school. I chose to teach Hebrew on Sundays and Wednesdays. I chose parties at Hillel and ZBT and dating and weekends with friends. And I chose not to bring an unwanted child into the world. And there are a thousand different reasons why I do not regret my decision to have an abortion freshman year, and I am grateful that I was able to make that choice in a safe way.
And I am grateful that my body healed quickly and my heart … eventually.
And I am grateful that there were other Jewish women out there who understand that when you’re young and scared, you need help.
This post originally appeared here on Kveller.com. a website for those who want to add a Jewish twist to their parenting.

Kelly's Story
When I was 19 I started seeing my partner, whom I am still seeing to this day. Our days and nights would consist of getting drunk on cheap wine and having sex. Not all the time with condoms.
I started getting sick but passed it off to being hung-over. I decided to get my act together and signed up to do charity fundraising around the country. When I was in a different city, after throwing up all day (to what I assumed was travel sickness), I did a pregnancy test on my lunch-break just to rule out the possibilty.
I was pregnant.
I phoned my boyfriend and cried down the phone to him. I had no way of getting back to my home city as the fundraising agency I was with was not able to give me any money as I had only been there for 5 days. I was not in the right state of mind to carry on working for another week and two days in order to be eligible to get paid, so I called around my friend’s to see who could lend me the £30-ish to get back.
I managed to get back the next day, and told my mother who gave me a fierce hug and said she’d support me no matter what, but she hoped that I would be able to carry to full-term and give the baby up for adoption. At that time in my life I had an abnormal fear of pregnancy and giving birth, something that I had had from youth, but to which I no longer suffer from.
I went to my doctors’ who referred me to a hospital to proceed with the abortion. It took a week before I could get an appointment, and then I found out I was 9 weeks gone. I was able to see an ultrasound, which was pretty neat, and then given a tablet. On the way home, sickness kicked in, and I only just managed to get off the bus before being vomitting in front of the shocked driver and passengers.
The next day I went in at 10am to have another round of drugs, and I had to stay in the hospital until the foetus came out. I had told my partner that I was OK going in alone, so I took my notebook and a few books to keep me company. I was put into a room with four beds, three of them occupied by women with their partner’s and friends.
I was the only one on my own.
The nurses were very kind, and you are entitled to one meal, which I unfortunately vomitted up. Since we were in hospital gowns, and there was no telling when the abortion would occur, we were not allowed to leave the room to go to the canteen, so I went all day without food.
Everytime we went to the bathroom we had to take a cardboard pan and either urinate or defecate in it, and then alert a nurse who would check it to see if the foetus had come out. I remember when mine came, I just looked at it in shock. It looked liked a malformed puppy with a muzzle for a face, not the image that the pro-lifers used (not that I believed that hype).
When the nurse came and took it away, I was free to go.
Although I do not regret the decision to have an abortion, at times I find myself day-dreaming about the What If’s, as in, What If we hadn’t had an abortion - it would now be going onto it’s 3rd birthday. But then I remember all that I’ve done in the past 3 years, and it doesn’t seem as bad. I just see it as postponing the inevitable. I am going to have children, just when it is planned for, and is financially feasible.
(I give permission to use my name)

Kayla's StoryI love you, I whoever you would’ve been.
I had my abortion a little over a year ago, when I was fifteen years old. I am still, to this day, dealing with the pain it’s caused me. The child’s father, my boyfriend of just a few months at the time, told he me would support me either way. My father assumed I was keeping it. My mother pressured me and insisted that I get an abortion. She had me when she was sixteen years old and said she wanted better for me. She said we would be kicked out of our house by her significant other if I kept the baby and we’d probably end up on the streets. She said I would be selfish if I kept my child. So I found myself at the abortion clinic.
When I arrived, there were no protesters there. It was a really hot, humid day so I supposed that was why. The other people there were horrible and obnoxious. I was the youngest person. There were a group of girls dressed in short-shorts and tight-fitting shirts with their cleavage showing. Although I’m all for people dressing however they want, it just seemed very unfit for the location, and it made me extremely uncomfortable. There was one lady who kept loudly playing music on her phone, not seeming to care that she was sitting in the waiting room at an abortion clinic. No one else was crying except me. And I cried the entire time from the moment my mother and I walked in the door until we left. The procedure itself wasn’t painful. I chose not to look at the ultrasound image, which I’m not sure if I regret or not. On my way home, I ended up vomiting in the car. I’m not sure if it was the meds I had taken at the clinic or if I had just worked myself up to the point of vomiting.
At first, I don’t think it really hit me. The first few days after I was a bit guilty, but otherwise fine. I don’t know why, but it was a few months after that all of my emotions seemed to hit me. I developed an eating disorder. Although I’ve shown eating disordered behavior my entire life, they came to a head at that point and turned into an actual disorder, and I used that disorder as a way of punishing myself for my abortion. I still do it to this day.
My father never said a word about my abortion after it happened, until a month or so ago when he got drunk and called me a whore and said he didn’t think I had a right to feel sad about it because I was the one who had spread my legs and let myself get pregnant to begin with. We’re no longer speaking. My abortion ruined my relationship with myself and my father. I will always regret my decision and would do anything to take it back, but since I can’t, I do feel like I need to punish myself for it. I don’t feel like it would be right for me to ever get over it. I think about my baby every day.
I am still and always will be pro-choice. But never let another person, be it family, friends, or a significant other, influence your decision. Don’t go through with it until you’re positive it’s what you truly want to do. In my case, my abortion has greatly effected my life in a negative way. But I think that for some people, it is the best decision and it’s not something they’ll regret. Despite my feelings about my own abortion, I will always support a woman’s right to terminate her pregnancy if she wants/needs to.

Zoe Gillard, 32
Academic administrator
Fifteen years ago, when I was 17, I had to have a late-term abortion at 21 weeks. This was obviously hugely upsetting, but particularly because I had always been very conscientious about contraception. I had been taking the pill throughout my relationship with my boyfriend, and when I missed a period, I went straight to my doctor to have a pregnancy test. It came back negative.
I was hugely relieved. My boyfriend was going away to university, so we split up and I came off the pill. Weirdly, I was still missing periods. I returned to my doctor, who said that I had nothing to worry about - it was probably due to the hormonal changes of stopping my oral contraception.
A short while later, I met someone a few years older than me who had a child, and she confided that she had found out about her pregnancy too late to have an abortion. I did another pregnancy test then, which came back positive. I was 18 weeks along.
I was at the start of my upper sixth, I was doing my A-levels, and it just seemed impossible for me to have a child. I had very supportive friends, and my ex-boyfriend came to see me and said he would help me with whatever I decided. For me though, the decision was made as soon as I heard that I was pregnant.
I arranged the abortion myself and my GP was very helpful - I think that she felt quite guilty. It took about two weeks to set up an appointment and I told my parents the night before I went into hospital. They were shocked, but supportive too.
I went in on a Tuesday and the doctors administered a pessary to induce dilation and labour - but nothing happened. They waited and tried again, but still nothing. It got to the point where different doctors were streaming in and out of the room to see how many fingers they could put in. They administered three pessaries and none worked. It was Thursday by this point and they decided to send some sort of psychologist in to see me. "Couldn't you just go through with the pregnancy," she asked. "I mean, you're already halfway through."
The doctors and nurses were all pretty unpleasant to me - one doctor asked, very sarcastically, whether I had ever thought of contraception. I was stuck in a room just off the maternity ward, too, so all I could hear was families with their new babies.
After three days, they told me that they could only try the chemicals once more, and, if that didn't work, I would have to have a caesarean. I was horrified. Eventually though, on the Saturday, it worked. I still hadn't been told though, that essentially I would have to give birth. My breasts swelled up, I started producing milk, my waters broke, and I had contractions - it was terrifying.
Eventually the foetus came out and I just started screaming and couldn't stop. It was visiting time in the maternity ward and so the doctor told me to shut up. They anaesthetised me and then took me away to remove the placenta. When I woke up, I was on my own in a bed full of blood.
I wouldn't say that I ever felt relieved, because, although I had only known for three weeks that I was pregnant, my body had known for four and a half months. I felt physically empty in a way that I have never felt since.
Despite the trauma of the experience, I have still always known it was the right thing for me to have done and have never regretted it. The fact is that, for me, it was the only thing I could have done. I don't know who I would be now if I hadn't been able to make that choice.
Kat Stark, 23
NUS national women's officer
I found out that I was pregnant at the start of my second year at university. I was just 19, didn't have a serious partner, didn't have any money, and was halfway through my degree course. I couldn't have been less ready to have a child.
I knew immediately that I wanted an abortion then - in my particular circumstances, it was a very easy decision to make. I rushed straight to my GP's surgery after confirming the pregnancy and asked for an emergency appointment. I didn't want to say why I needed one, but the receptionist asked very loudly, "Is it for a termination?" Matters didn't improve when I saw the doctor. I was naturally feeling really vulnerable and he kept asking me all these probing questions about how I had got pregnant. He also kept asking me to consider my options and to have counselling and to think about whether I was really sure. Frankly, I couldn't have been more sure. He also said that getting an abortion wasn't automatic - I would have to really show that having a child would be a serious problem for me. Everything he did was obstructive until eventually he just told me to go away and think about it.
I was hugely put off - despairing, really - but a friend encouraged me to see another doctor, who was much better. I was referred to a really good clinic on the outskirts of Leamington, where I had the abortion under general anaesthetic. It was very straightforward, not painful at all, and afterwards my overwhelming feeling was relief.
There hasn't been any point when I have regretted my decision. The pregnancy was a moment when my life could have gone in one direction or another and I feel really happy with the decision I came to.
Alison Boyd, 31
Nurse specialist
I became pregnant in very unfortunate circumstances. I had been having a relationship with someone who had been told that he couldn't have children, so we hadn't been using contraception. On what must have been the last occasion that we had sex though - just before we broke up - I became pregnant. I found out two weeks later.
On finding out, I felt 30% happy, 30% devastated and 40% confused. The father made it clear that he didn't want anything to do with the situation, and I really didn't know what to do myself. It wasn't until a couple of weeks later that I made the decision to have an abortion. It was a difficult decision - I would definitely like to have children one day - but I knew it just wasn't the right time for me to have a baby.
Setting up the procedure was fairly straightforward and I had an early medical abortion at six weeks - the process is that you go in on the first day and take a tablet, and a few days later you insert a tampon that is infused with another drug. That empties your womb.
This procedure was quite simple, but not without its problems - you go through much of it at home, and I did feel very numb and alone.
Mary Pimm, 56
Retired civil servant
I had an abortion in the early 70s when I was 23, just a few years after legalisation. At the time I was in a relationship with a man who was black, and the pregnancy was the result of a contraceptive failure. The relationship was over by the time I found out about the pregnancy, I had no way of supporting a child, and I knew that, if I went ahead, a mixed-race child was very unlikely to be adopted. I discovered I was pregnant fairly early on, but I was just under 12 weeks when I had the procedure and I have never regretted it.
Cath Elliott, 41
Community librarian
I had an abortion back in 1997, when I was 31. I had already had four children - aged between two and 10 at the time - and when I realised I was pregnant again, I knew almost instantly that I didn't want to go ahead. My husband and I had felt so happy during my earlier pregnancies, but when we discussed this one, both of us were thinking the same thing: what on earth are we going to do?
I went to my GP when I was a couple of weeks pregnant, expecting the process to be straightforward. My doctor kept stalling the process, though. He insisted that I have an NHS pregnancy test, for instance, and, when I went back a few weeks later for the results, he told me bluntly that they hadn't arrived.
At this point I was in a really emotional state - I had started experiencing morning sickness and I just wanted the whole process to be over.
Eventually, when I visited the GP's surgery again to collect the results, he literally whistled me into his office and announced, "I'm delighted to tell you that you're pregnant." It was a really hostile gesture. At that stage I was sent to a hospital in Milton Keynes, where I expected the procedure to take place, and although the doctors were very helpful, it turned out that they could only sign the form that confirmed I could have an abortion - they didn't actually carry them out there. For that, I had to travel to Leamington Spa.
Overall then, despite visiting the doctor in the first few weeks of pregnancy, it was about 10 weeks later that the abortion took place. I had a surgical abortion under general anaesthetic, on the NHS, and it just took a couple of hours.
For me, the whole thing was an absolute relief and I have never regretted my decision.
Rachel Gasston, 30
Student
I had an abortion in 2002, when I was 26 years old and studying for extra A-levels. I was all set to attend university, and had been offered a conditional place at Oxford, so I was working really hard.
Living with my parents, I had been feeling very ill, and thought that it must just be a general malaise. I mentioned it to my mother though, and she asked whether I could be pregnant. I was pretty shocked, as I had only been seeing my boyfriend for about three months, and, even at that stage, it wasn't a great relationship.
After a couple of pregnancy tests, though, the doctor confirmed that my mother had been right. I remember immediately thinking, "I'm not doing this." I was absolutely sure. That was weird, because I had actually been quite anti-abortion before. I knew one woman who had had an abortion and I had been quite disapproving. As soon as I knew that I was pregnant, though, my only thought was that this had to be over as soon as possible.
Setting up the abortion was fairly straightforward and I had a surgical procedure at a Marie Stopes clinic (paid for by the NHS) at eight weeks pregnant. I was fully conscious throughout - I think I was offered a general anaesthetic, but I didn't want an overnight stay - and I have to say I was shocked by how violent the procedure was. It wasn't painful, but I was taken aback at just how vigorous the doctor was.
I am from South Africa and there it is illegal to have an abortion. Even now, when I think about it, all these years later, I am overcome with relief and gratitude that I live in a country where it is my decision - not the state's - whether I have children or not.
In fact, I actually think that the abortion saved my life. If I hadn't had the option of a legal termination, I would have tried to do it myself, and, if that hadn't worked and hadn't killed me, I'm fairly certain I would have killed myself.
Lynne Miles, 26
Economist
I had an abortion about two and a half years ago. I had been seeing my ex-boyfriend (still a good friend of mine) casually for about six years and when I found out I was pregnant it was a huge shock. I talked to him about it and he was very supportive. In fact, he was everything that you would wish for in that situation - except that he wasn't in love with me.
I had a surgical abortion privately, at a Marie Stopes clinic, when I was eight weeks pregnant. The procedure wasn't painful, although it was upsetting that my boyfriend had to wait in the reception - it was quite a lonely experience. The day afterwards I was sore, but I also felt bizarrely euphoric.
The only comment that you ever hear from people who have had abortions are really heartwrenching stories - "Oh, it was terrible, I never got over it," or, "Oh, I had one, I got an infection and now I can't have children." You see those stories in soap operas all the time and I understand why. It makes for good drama.
It is really important for people to hear from women who have had abortions and who really feel fine about it though.
Irina Lester, 30
Librarian
I had an abortion when I was 22 and in my final year of university. I had just split up with my boyfriend, which had been depressing in itself, and when I found out I was pregnant it felt like an utter catastrophe.
My family was supportive of my choice to have an abortion - actually, I never felt it was a choice in the true sense, it absolutely felt like the only thing I could do. And when I told my ex-boyfriend, he was also supportive. He actually offered to look after me after I had the termination, so eventually we got back together and we have now been married for eight years.
I had a surgical abortion at four weeks pregnant. People talk about abortion being a trauma, but for me the unwanted pregnancy was a trauma and the abortion itself was a huge relief. Women should never be made to feel guilty about having an abortion - we don't owe it to anyone to carry an unwanted child.
Eileen Blake, 54
Social worker
I live in Derry and I had to have an abortion in my early 40s. I had got to that age without ever having to face this issue - I had always taken responsibility for contraception myself. I had been lied to by the man I had been seeing though, who said that he was infertile.
At the time, I had decided to go back into education and I had my life mapped out - I was desperate to escape the poverty trap myself and my children were in. Having another child would have jeopardised all that, but, that said, it wasn't an easy decision.
The man I had been seeing gave me the money for the procedure, and so I travelled to the mainland and had a surgical abortion. It was fairly straightforward, but I am well aware that this can be impossible for other people, because there's not just the cost of the procedure to cover - you have to factor in the cost of the flights and subsistence too. Then there is the emotional cost of travelling alone. Very few women can afford to have someone accompany them.
found from this site... http://www.guardian.co.uk/lifeandstyle/2006/oct/27/healthandwellbeing.society

Here is also I site to go if you want to read more stories. http://www.imnotsorry.net/

Quoting Yurvette [♥]:" Zoe Gillard, 32 Academic administrator Fifteen years ago, when I was 17, I had to have a late-term abortion ... [snip!] ... someone accompany them. found from this site... http://www.guardian.co.uk/lifeandstyle/2006/oct/27/healthandwellbeing.society"

" I wouldn't say that I ever felt relieved, because, although I had only known for three weeks that I was pregnant, my body had known for four and a half months. I felt physically empty in a way that I have never felt since. "

I completely relate to this and know the exact feeling she is talking about.
Thank you for sharing all of these stories  

Quoting NICKEL☮POLIS:" " I wouldn't say that I ever felt relieved, because, although I had only known for three weeks that ... [snip!] ... I completely relate to this and know the exact feeling she is talking about. Thank you for sharing all of these stories  "

You are more than welcome. I am going to try to keep this thread bumped because I know many women / girls it will help.

bumping it...

bump a bump a lump! <3

Bump bump bump it up...

I had an abortion May 13th, 2010. I had a 5 year old daughter and had just came out of a bad relationship with her father. It was just me and my daughter, and no matter how hard I tried to keep my family together and work it out with her father, he just didn't want to....he was stuck in the party scene and didn't want to grow up, and he got me pregnant at 16 so I had to grow up for my daughter which is sad because he was 3 years older and still immature.
I DONT REGRET MY ABORTION AT ALL. I regret wasting so many years with her father, when I could of left him while I was pregnant.
I hid my pregnancy and when I went to visit him one day he broke my heart by thanking God that he never got me pregnant again while in an argument. So I kept the pregnancy from him and immediately made my appointment for an abortion, I was 4 weeks and had to wait 2 weeks for the surgical abortion. I spent that mother's day pregnant which made me feel sick. I was very scared and nervous because I didn't know what to expect.
At the abortion clinic, the nurses were really nice and took care of me. I felt no pain during the surgical abortion and the doctor who attended me was very good and it went by fast. After the abortion, I cramped but similar to period cramping. I healed just fine.
After lies, cheating, lying, and partying...my daughter's father wanted to get back together when he saw I was doing so much better without him and even out dating. It boosted my confidence and self esteem. He tried and tried but I refused, and then I got very angry when he mentioned that he wanted to have another child with me that fall. That is when I confessed my pregnancy and abortion blaming it all on him. It broke his heart but I knew he wouldn't change even if we got back together because there was too much drama and other women involved.
Today, I am happily married to my first love who Ive known since I was 13 years old, have an 8th month old son with him and currently 5 months pregnant ( surprise!), even though money is tight, I am not worried because our babies will have all the love they need.
If I didn't have my abortion, I wouldn't have the chance to be as happy as I am today but be degraded by a man who all he did was treat me like crap. I know with my daughter I made a mistake by trying to form a family with her father even though it was hectic and alot of women have that mentality of staying with the father just because they have kids together but live miserably.
Me and my princess are both very happy today.