I am so, so sorry. You can be forgiven. I hope you are able to fnd resources to get the help and support you need. You are not alone. http://www.silentnomoreawareness.org/search/index.aspx
Here are some words that have been a comfort to me in my life: " If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness. My dear children, I write this to you so that you will not sin. But if anybody does sin, we have one who speaks to the Father in our defense--Jesus Christ, the Righteous One. (From 1 John 1). Sending big hugs and lots of love.