Welp, never thought I'd be posting in here...

A few months ago, I decided to leave my husband. I was simply unhappy because I felt like something was missing... I wasn't in love. I left him because I wanted to see what else was out there. I had every intention of remaining alone for a while, but not long after, I ended up hanging out with an old friend, and sparks flew instantly.

We both made the conscious decision to continue seeing each other even though we realize how crazy the situation is. (He just came out of a marriage, also.) Now, I know what this looks like, we are both in rebound relationships, but I assure you, it's not that.

My question is my kids. We have been together for 3 months now, and I know it's not a long time, but I spend a lot of free time with this person, well, all of it, and frankly it is starting to stress me out to have to separate my life as a mother, and my life as this person's girlfriend.

I would like to start gradually having him around my kids. Not like, "this is mommy's new boyfriend!" but just casually, as a friend, no intimate actions, just totally casual. I have a lot of guy friends and I know my kids would think nothing of it. The thing is, I am wondering if I am doing it right. Should I gradually ease them into knowing him, or should I just wait longer and then drop the bomb one day? I don't want them looking back and thinking I left their father for this man, because that is obviously not the case.

This is a thread asking for advice from other mothers who may have been in a similar situation. I do not want to hear to go get counseling for my marriage, I do not want to hear criticism about "breaking up my family". I am well aware of my situation, and I assure you my children, and everyone involved are happy and my soon to be ex is ok. We are very amicable and are still friends and still do things as a family... unless you lived a day in my home or know me personally, this is going to sound crazy to you. I assure you, it is not.

That being said... I welcome all stories and advice... thank you  

Well I think the best way is to start introducing them to him in a public place like the park or something. Introduce him as "mommy's friend" and feel it out from there.

Good luck to you  

I would tell your husband, because you are still married and your kids will.

Just have the boyfriend over to hang out.

This does sound like a rebound on both sides though, good luck

What I did was wait about 3 months and do you like fun days at the park

Quoting Blythe.:" I would tell your husband, because you are still married and your kids will. Just have the boyfriend over to hang out. This does sound like a rebound on both sides though, good luck"

He knows I have a boyfriend. I have thought about asking him how he feels on this matter, but I don't want him thinking it's more serious than it is. Yes, we are exclusive and have very strong feelings for each other, but it's not like we're getting married or moving in together.

I know it sounds like a rebound... but it just doesn't feel like one.

I think that you should do whats right for you and what feels right. Everyone is different and some people wait months some right away etc. I met my husband when I was a single mom amd my daughter was 7 months old. I had a few long term relationships and with him it was something else. He actually met her right away, there was something about him. It might have been different if she was older and could question things etc but she was an infant and could have been anyone for all she knew. Now we are married and have another child. My bff was also in a similar situation and was casually dating a guy amd introduced her 5 year old to him after a few weeks or so. She said he was just her friend and its going pretty well.

Well, today we were going to go to the park.. but one of my girlfriends is also coming along which I feel makes it less weird.

<blockquote><b>Quoting Biotch:</b>" Well, today we were going to go to the park.. but one of my girlfriends is also coming along which I feel makes it less weird. "</blockquote>




See that's a good start because you have someone there your kids know and someone there that your kids slowly need to get use to

Quoting Biotch:" He knows I have a boyfriend. I have thought about asking him how he feels on this matter, but I don't ... [snip!] ... not like we're getting married or moving in together. I know it sounds like a rebound... but it just doesn't feel like one. "

I wouldn't even ask the hubs how he feels if it doesn't matter. I just say tell him cause some guys are nuts and say that mommy is a slut or whatever to the kids. Does your new guy have any kids?

I have been through this twice actually, same child though, but before I tell you how I went through it, how old are your children?

My oldest daughter was 2 when I introduced her to the guy I was seeing, so she was pretty oblivious to it all, and then to my now husband when she was 4, and she was good with it, I just casually brought him into the picture, just as Mommy's friend, but when we did get married, she said to me, I wish you were marrying Daddy, she was 5 at that time.

If anyone criticizes you for ending your marriage, tell them where they can shove it, too many people stay in a loveless marriage for the children and I think thats wrong, you have to be happy too

What you are doing is good. Just ease it in at first he's mommys friend then when you are sure he is going to be around then say more. I broke up with my sons father when he was 2 I dated my neighbor who already knew my son because our kids played together I never introduced him as mommys bf until about 6 months in. We broke up 2 months later and I got back with my sons father. My mistake was I didn't catch the red flags with this guy and explained to my son mommys bf too soon before I really knew if it would last. He was 2 so I'm not sure he even remembers us dating our kids are still friends, but we don't speak really. I think it is perfectly ok to introduce them now. Just wait till you know of it is going to last before you go further in. Good luck!

Quoting Blythe.:" I wouldn't even ask the hubs how he feels if it doesn't matter. I just say tell him cause some guys are nuts and say that mommy is a slut or whatever to the kids. Does your new guy have any kids?"

He doesn't. But he adores kids... this was a topic that was brought up a lot, because I do not think I want anymore, and this is something he definitely wants. So, it upsets me a lot because I can't take that away from someone, but he always says that the relationship means more to him. He has two nieces and he is just so cute with them... he would make a great dad... it makes me sad   It's not completely off the table yet...

Oh right, I should mention, my daughter is 4 (5 in October) and my son is 2 (3 in December). My daughter picks up on things very easily and is very wise beyond her years...

I went from being engaged to my sons father to dating someone else in a matter of months, everyone thought it was a rebound after calling off the engagement but it really was and is a true bond 2 yrs down the road we are still strong.

Like others have said casually meet up at parks and public areas , keep the contact to a minimum and let the Little ones feel it out. Its hard living to separate lives one as a mom and another as someones girlfriend but it will all form into one when the time is right. My So has been with my son and i since he was a year and half. I set guidelines and was very upfront with what i expected for the relationship to work. You are taking your kids feelings into consideration you will know if its working and pick up on any "weirdness"

I too let my Ex know when i was dating someone new and the progression it was taking , i just felt like it was the courteous thing to do. Hope everything went well at the park  

I actually have to give you props for holding off this long--that's not something that occurs to most moms on this site. They think because it "feels" right that that makes it right, and unfortunately that can lead to a lot of hurt and suffering for kids. So good for you for being objective about this and using your head; that's good parenting.  

Having said that, I understand your dilemma. My question to you is, even if this relationship doesn't pan out, do you think (realistically) that you and he would be able to remain friends? That would be the determining factor to me. Because you will bring him in gradually, here and there, as a friend, but over time they will get used to seeing him and come to realize this relationship is more than a friendship. You already said it: your daughter is perceptive. She's going to realize what's up before long.

I guess my point is, I don't see anything wrong with it at all, but I would try to keep it casual (with and in front of the kids) for as looooooong as possible to protect them should things go awry.

And good luck.