I hurt my boyfriend by telling him too much about my past

My boyfriend and I have been through a lot together. We have two kids and have been together for 3 years. I am 24, he is 27. A week or two ago he read my diary which I kept before I met him. He told me about it yesterday. I have snooped on him in the past and I had my reasons, but I was still not mad at him for reading my diary. All he wanted from me yesterday was to feel better, I guess. He was asking me a lot of questions, like if I missed being with my ex, and he said anything I wrote about him(my boyfriend) was negative (a lot of debating why I should stay with him because he cheated on me in the beginning of our relationship). I have forgiven him for this completely as he has done more than enough to make up for it and make me feel valued and loved. Anyway I told him how glad I am that we stayed together because I love him a lot and he is the only one Ill ever want to be with. Then I made the mistake of going on to tell him WAY TOO MUCH about my past. I thought he wanted to know. He asked me so many questions. I think the way I wrote it, I spoke too fondly of the ex. I dont have any left over feelings for this guy, I havent had a single desire to be with him or around him during my whole current relationship. I confessed to him information about a different ex that he could have gone without knowing, but he ASKED, so I had to tell him the truth. But I took it too far and went into too much detail. He was extremely thrown off. He cried. I told him I didn't mean to make things sound the way I did but the damage was done. He deleted the email and I deleted my copy. I sent him a new one... a long one telling him how much I really love him, and how the past doesn't mean anything to me, and basically just opened myself up to him and poured out my heart, telling him all the positive things I felt about our relationship and not focusing on the negative. It was just a short apology (I had already told him I was sorry 1000 times and didnt want to make him think about it a lot during this particular email), and a wall of text about how much I love him and exactly why I love him. He read it and immediately said he felt better, and that he forgive me. We had a big, long hug and went to sleep last night. When we woke up this morning, he acted happy and we even had some intimate time (his request), and he went off to work. But when he got there he texted me and said he thought he was in a good mood but bad thoughts about last night ruined it. I told him just now I was prepared to do whatever I could to make him feel better. He says he is ok and he will read my nice email when or if he feels bad.

I still feel emotionally exhausted. I guess I just want unbiased people to talk to about it, and I don't know who to turn to... Is there anything else I can do? How bad is what I did? I have said all I can, done all I can to fix it and take it back. I wish I had not written him the email the way I did, telling him the reasons I fell for the other guy. I feel like such an smurf. I feel drained, and my kids are about to get up and I just dont want to do anything. I want to lay around. I want to sleep for days.... I want to dig a hole and bury myself in it. I feel sick! I feel so helpless and stupid and ashamed. I want it to go away. I am scared he wont be able to get over it and he will not want to be with me anymore. Would that be reasonable of him? Is that likely? Obviously you all dont know him, but I just want to feel better by hearing related stories or advice.

tl;dr- my boyfriend read my diary and had some questions about my past and my feelings for him. I answered them and everything was great, then I went on to tell him too much detail about my past because I thought he wanted to know. Now he is hurt and I don't know how to help him. He says he will How do we move past it as quickly as possible?

My husband did the same. I also offered a lot of information in the beginning of our relationship that I shouldn't have but when someone asks vague questions, it is hard to know what to answer with. To this day he still holds a few things against me. He asked, i was just being honest but I don't think he expected the answers to hurt him the way they did. I have dug myself into holes worse than when I started just trying to fix it. Ultimately, the only thing that I could do is hope time would heal and I would unknowingly prove to him that he is who I want to spend my life with.

your past is your past, this is his problem and he needs to find a way to get over it. You've done all you can do. Give him his time, he can either pull his head out of his ass and see all that you two have together, or he can leave, be miserable and ruin everything because you had boyfriends before him  

and take it from me at 34 years. NEVER tell them your whole past. Men have feelings too, more feelings then we give them credit for, and us women do talk too much and give too much detail.

I didnt read it all but sounds like you guys have some trust issues. Or atleast he does. Neither of you should be snooping in each others things. Especially an old diary from before you guys were even together. its in the past. If you cant talk about the past without getting pissed off then dont talk about it. I can talk to my DH about his past and he even asks me things about my past, which is fine because we dont get all worked up over it. There are certain things i dont want to know because it might upset me, like knowing details of his sex life before me...i just dont ask those questions if i dont really want to hear it. I know how many and who he has had sex with, but i dont care about the details. Those arent important for our relationship to be good. Maybe just talk about both of your pasts to get it out in the open. Or if you guys cant handle it then drop it and leave it in the past.

There really is no "quick fix" for jealousy. He needs to get over it at his own pace. Just be there for him. Let him know he's your number one. Remind him that he's the one you chose to settle down with and have children with. That you wouldn't have done that if you weren't serious. Actions speak louder than words.
Also let him know that it's not cool to go snooping through your stuff. Trust is a two-way street.

Errr he sounds like a giant baby he shouldn't have read your old diary first off idk why r apologizeing idk what u said but as long as u didn't say you still love or felt something for its ex's he really should get over it its ur past we all have one that's what he gets for digging where he shouldn't my DH ask about certain things in my past I tell him he doesn't like hearing it so he hardly ask but he doesn't act like a pouty baby bc of my past that had nothig to do with him. I think u have done enough just let him sulk he'll drop it eventually if not he has some serious insecurities.

cant really dish out advice when we dont know whqt it is that has your SO so upset ......
my DH still has issues sometimes w/the fact that i had more ''partners'' b4 we met

<blockquote><b>Quoting 5 blessings so far....:</b>" cant really dish out advice when we dont know whqt it is that has your SO so upset ...... my DH still has issues sometimes w/the fact that i had more ''partners'' b4 we met"</blockquote>



My DH hates that too I do aswell tho bc he was a virgin when we met.

Thank you for the replies. I already am feeling a little better. I have done all I can. I am just going to be more open with him about how I feel. I purposely have avoided telling him everything I feel about him because he did hurt me. So I opened up to him, and I did let him know that he is my number 1 in those words. He is a smart guy and I will just have to have faith that he will be able to get the thought of me with someone else out of his head. I think he will... hopefully the worst that happens is that the next few days are a little awkward. Maybe we will have a date night this weekend, and try to reconnect and have some fun together. We have gotten through so much together so there isn't really any reason we can;t fix it. I just hate that I have no control over how quick he is able to forget about it. It means nothing. I didn't say I had feelings for my ex, or anything like that, because I don't. So all I can do is give him his time to get the image out of his mind that is probably there.

What I am going to do now is lay down and breathe and relax myself, and then go get my babies, and start my day. Thanks for the words, everyone!

Quoting Janice21988:" Thank you for the replies. I already am feeling a little better. I have done all I can. I am just going ... [snip!] ... do now is lay down and breathe and relax myself, and then go get my babies, and start my day. Thanks for the words, everyone! "

if you didnt cheat, and he is having a hard time getting over the image of you with someone else, there is something REALLY wrong. That is possession and obsession and can lead to abuse.

Quoting Shannonsfirst:" if you didnt cheat, and he is having a hard time getting over the image of you with someone else, there is something REALLY wrong. That is possession and obsession and can lead to abuse. "

that is a huge leap...I don't like the idea of my SO with someone else either and if it was put in my face I would be upset for a while too. I think it is more about finding out that there are things other people did for your SO that they enjoyed that you may not do. It gives a feeling of inadequacy. This was our case anyways. For example, my ex worshipped the ground I walked on to the point that he did not think for himself. I mentioned to my SO that it was hard going from someone who was - for lack of a better word - obsessed, to someone who would rather have a more "alone time" than "couple time". This of course made him feel as if he did not give me the attention I require "maybe I would look elsewhere", and basically he could not or he would be sacrificing himself. It became an internal struggle.

Quoting EskimoKiss:" <blockquote><b>Quoting 5 blessings so far....:</b>" cant really dish out advice when ... [snip!] ... i had more ''partners'' b4 we met"</blockquote> My DH hates that too I do aswell tho bc he was a virgin when we met."

yeah, my dh was only w/1 person b4 me and it was only for a few months. Even after 15yrs together he still has issues and sometimes it makes me feel crappy.....he is bipolar and has intrusive thought disorder so i know why he has these issues but it still hurts my feelings  

<blockquote><b>Quoting 5 blessings so far....:</b>" yeah, my dh was only w/1 person b4 me and it was only for a few months. Even after 15yrs together he ... [snip!] ... crappy.....he is bipolar and has intrusive thought disorder so i know why he has these issues but it still hurts my feelings  "</blockquote>


*hugs* Ugh that must be hard my DH doesnt bring it up much bc It bugs him so he doesn't torture himself with thoughts of me under someone else it just puts him in a bad mood but I tell him you can not get mad about something I did BEFORE I even knew you I also say "hey you knew about my past before you said I DO its not like I tricked you, for better or for worst remember? So shut the hell up" lol I also stroke his ego a lot in the bedroom that helps lol

Quoting Janice21988:" My boyfriend and I have been through a lot together. We have two kids and have been together for 3 years. ... [snip!] ... to know. Now he is hurt and I don't know how to help him. He says he will How do we move past it as quickly as possible? "

My SO told me everything about her first partner. It tore me apart. I've only been with her. Not all guys are alike. It doesn't bother alot of guys. It does me. It is the way I was raised. It doesn't make me or her right or wrong per se. I was just raised to be with one and only one person. I can't imagine it any other way.

Tell him to suck it up and deal with it.