Quoting buzz killington:" i'm hoping it's just a phase but it really doesn't seem normal at all to me."
It never seems normal and honestly if he's your first you really don't know what normal is.
I thought for sure that Jacob wasn't THAT bad. That he must be somewhat close to other kids his age. When he started deliberately trying to break kids arms and fingers and jumping off high objects and beating me to a pulp at almost 2. That's when I knew it wasn't a phase. Especially when my neighbors were calling the police on me because he was screaming so much.
He is at that age where he is 1 and he probably wants SOME independence.
My daughter is a horrible diva. Although she is 2 and 1/2 it takes her 20 minutes to get out the door because she needs everything in order and YOU must carry it ALL. And then it takes her another 20 minutes because YOU have to open the door for HER to climb into her seat and let her buckle herself into her seat. And if you try to help her at all, she's on the floor of the car having a temper tantrum, which only delays you further.
And you don't want me to even begin everything else that results in a temper tantrum. The things are endless. However, she's perfectly normal compared to Jacob. She's just going through a diva from hell phase. Which I went through too at her age(reports from my grandmother).
If you are truly worried though, the best thing to do is to contact an early intervention specialist in your area. They will test him and they will tell you if they think it's a phase or if it's something more. They told me right off the bat that something was wrong with Jacob but they just didn't know WHAT.
Even today, and he's 6, I had to endure a temper tantrum from hell from Jacob where he screamed at me for almost an hour, and deliberately crushed the eggs in my shopping cart, punched his sister, threw a book at me, and yelled the whole time about how he was going to "smash my skull in and cut it with a knife" or that he "wasn't going to eat because I'm a bad mommy" and that he was "going to call 911 and have the police arrest me" etc....even though he is "special needs" I know that he was honestly just really upset with me and it wasn't called for but it really didn't have much to do with his special needs other than I violated a routine, and that resulted in a very bad temper tantrum.
What I'm getting at is you really need to just sit back and watch him. You need to try and see what is truly just a tantrum and what could be more. And like I said, contact an early intervention in your area. If you have better documentation of what you think is wrong(for example the difference between what is possibly just a tantrum and what could be more) that will really help.
Just saying from someone who has been going through all of it and then some more for the past almost 6 years!