vasectomy

Ok, so I told my husband that I think we should just be really careful about birth control for the next 5 years and then we'll decide if we're really done having kids and he agreed...
Well a few days ago he sat on the couch this was our convo:
Hubby: "I need to talk to you"
Me: "About what?"
Hubby: "I don't want anymore kids"
Me: "ok"
Hubby: "I'm gonna ask the doctor about getting fixed"
Me: "Ok"
Hubby: "Well what do you think"
Me: "It's your decision"
Hubby: " Well what the hell do you think?"
Now mind you we've had this discussion...
Me: "I told you my opinion months ago"
Hubby:"All you have to say it ok?"
Me: "What do you want me to say, it's your body"
Hubby: " whatever"
So he wouldn't talk to me for most of the night all because I am not sure getting snipped at this exact moment is a well thought out decision. I figure we should give it a little time to make sure we're really done.
Anyone else have this problem?
Now I know that legally he can't get it done without my consent but I wouldn't stop him if he really wanted it done. I know this isn't really a question but I just wanted to know what everyone thinks I should have said or just to get opinions in general.

Quoting jrandjasmom:“ Ok, so I told my husband that I think we should just be really careful about birth control for the next ... [snip!] ... isn't really a question but I just wanted to know what everyone thinks I should have said or just to get opinions in general.”

I think its good you are discussing it, make a decision together, you need to be in on it or you may have problems later on.

One question, why would he need your consent to have it done, ID think that is true, a woman doesn't need hubbys permission, why would he?

Quoting jrandjasmom:“ Ok, so I told my husband that I think we should just be really careful about birth control for the next ... [snip!] ... isn't really a question but I just wanted to know what everyone thinks I should have said or just to get opinions in general.”

Sounds like he was looking for support for his decision, but I would've said the same thing as you. Or if he really wants an honest opinion, why don't you tell him that you think he should give it a bit more time before he gets it done.

Interesting - I didn't know that legally a husband had to ask for permission from his wife to get snipped. Does a woman have to get her husband's permission to get her tubes tied?

He absolutly can get it done without your consent!! Florida law does not prohibit that at all! Anywho, I think if you really want more children, you should try to bring up the conversation again. And also keep in mind that if he does go and get it done, and you both decide later that you want more children, it is reversible.

Quoting SRQShannon:“ He absolutly can get it done without your consent!! Florida law does not prohibit that at all! Anywho, ... [snip!] ... also keep in mind that if he does go and get it done, and you both decide later that you want more children, it is reversible.”

Don't ever go into something like that thinking it's reversible!! It's not!! It is a rare case that the reversal is successful, I just spoke to my dr about those issues, with reversal of tubal and vasectomy, she said people have this false idea that it is a very easy thing to do, ITS NOT!! Very difficult and usually not sucessful.

Quoting SRQShannon:“ He absolutly can get it done without your consent!! Florida law does not prohibit that at all! Anywho, ... [snip!] ... also keep in mind that if he does go and get it done, and you both decide later that you want more children, it is reversible.”

According to my doc neither one of us can get done without the spouses consent.

Quoting jrandjasmom:“ According to my doc neither one of us can get done without the spouses consent.”

I dont think so, AND he woulnd't be going to your dr so he doesn't even have to really tell another dr he is married or ever give them your info. I am getting the essure method, my dr hasn't ask my hubby anything, its my choice, not his!! Same thing with my best friend, she is having her tubes tied, no hubby consent needed.

I think he sounded a little short with you but.. IDK - I don't think I could blame him for not wanting anymore.. You guys will have 3 & kids def aren't cheap.. But maybe I'm a little biased because I know 3 is my limit and always has been.. I mean, I love kids and babies and pregnancy, the whole nine.. but realistically I only have so much to give. I'm honest about that..

It's a permanent decision though and I think it needs more indepth convo between you two.. If you're already telling him "OK" then I have to wonder how passionate you feel about a 4th.. Doesn't sound very.. If you were, then I think it'd be perfectly within line to voice this to him.. My hubby wanted to stop @ 2 and I definately wanted one more.. It was a very hot debate for us but he didn't do anything drastic until we were in agreeance.. HOWEVER - this third one is suprise so.. guess I got my wish regardless of the bad timing  .. I will say he's extremely excited about this baby.. more than I am I think.. So sometimes it's funny how and when Men come around..

Bottom line - Needs more talk-time IMO

Quoting jrandjasmom:“ According to my doc neither one of us can get done without the spouses consent.”

My friends hubby just went through the health dept and got a vasectomy without her consent.... and she was furious.

Quoting jrandjasmom:“ According to my doc neither one of us can get done without the spouses consent.”

My hubby has QUITE a few friends who have had it done w/o their wife's consents.. I wouldn't trust that piece of legal info.. They're a Dr. not a lawyer after all.. Just beware

Quoting SRQShannon:“ My friends hubby just went through the health dept and got a vasectomy without her consent.... and she was furious.”

Yeah I just got curious about whether it was a law or a specific doctors opinion and apparently there really isn't a law (Not that I would tell him he had no choice anyway ) but some places ask to have the wife sign a form saying she is aware of the procedure or at least like to talk to both partners.

my fiance wants to get it done the day after baby comes! I asked him to at least wait for a little while...we had this discussion before we found out i was preggers, He hasn't ever wanted kids and this will be his second! lol (my first tho) And i'm not sure that in a couple of years we won't want another one but I know that he probably won't ever change his mind about wanting it done and i'm fine with that, I just wanna make sure that everything is ok with our baby first (i know that's horrible but i had a bad dream last night so forgive me   )

As for your husband, if he doesn't tell the doctor that he is married then he doesn't have to have your consent...the don't do background checks or anythng they just go off what the guy says (which is horrible but that's how it is) They are required by law to have your consent but that is only if the doctor knows about you in the first place.

Quoting ~*~HautéMama~*~:“ I think he sounded a little short with you but.. IDK - I don't think I could blame him for not wanting ... [snip!] ... baby.. more than I am I think.. So sometimes it's funny how and when Men come around.. Bottom line - Needs more talk-time IMO”

We've talked about it but he apparently is choosing to ignore that convo. We had multiple conversations about it for weeks shortly after I found out we were expecting our new surprise. I don't know what randomly made him think of it the other day but it came out of nowhere, I was doing dishes and he just suddenly felt the need to start the discussion over again. I don't know what I should say to him, I know kids aren't cheap and I love my 3 but I don't want us to regret it a few years down the road. I always said I wanted 4. But when my daughter was almost 3 I suddenly felt like I didn't want anymore but then I found out I was expecting already and then I had a boy and girl and was content but then I found out about this one and I'm very happy even though she wasn't planned, how do I know we won't want another in a few years. I def wouldn't go over 4 though. It's just that I am not going to argue with him about it if he really wants it done.

Quoting jrandjasmom:“ We've talked about it but he apparently is choosing to ignore that convo. We had multiple conversations ... [snip!] ... years. I def wouldn't go over 4 though. It's just that I am not going to argue with him about it if he really wants it done.”

Well you sound as if you're content enough with your 3 but wouldn't mind a fourth if it ever happened.. If you really feel that you want to leave it up to him then yeah, next time he asks just tell him so in a very concise manner instead of the "we already talked about this" route.. For some reason men hate that phrase!  

I know how you feel about questioning more yourself after a certain point.. I've always wanted 3 but after having my son and daughter I started questioning that idea.. I just want to give them the best and I can handle these two pretty well but 3 seems like a whole different ball game.. So it wasn't until #3 was well underway that I started questioning, "Oh what in the hell have I gotten myself into!" lol..

The good side is, @ least he's asking you what you think on this.. Some men don't afford their wives that courtesy.. I think even MY hubby was contemplating doing it behind my back @ one point.. I used to get VERY upset when he'd say he didn't want 3.. So much to the point of throwing around the D word (not a good idea BTW). @ least he truely cares for your input..  

Quoting ~*~HautéMama~*~:“ Well you sound as if you're content enough with your 3 but wouldn't mind a fourth if it ever happened.. ... [snip!] ... want 3.. So much to the point of throwing around the D word (not a good idea BTW). @ least he truely cares for your input..  ”

he really does care about my input on most things and it's pretty much like you said I'm content with the 3. I noticed he hated when I told him about already discussing it but I don't know what he expected. I figure he'll probably get it done just because he's unsure if he wants more. Not because he def doesn't want more and that's what I want to avoid. Plus at one point his mom was pushing the issue and I wanted to hit the b*tch. but now she's out of the pic anyway so it's all good.   I figure I'm one of the luckies women to have my in laws not in our lives.
I'm kinda excited that the little one is on the way but like you I'm at the "oh crap" stage.