re: Breaks My Heart

Quoting Yurvon [♥]:" I agree. While I think seeing your fiances family is good for him BUT I think they need to have limits. "

They have limited visitations, and they're only supervised (by me). They've pulled a bunch of crazy nonsense since my fiance passed away. Things from physical aggression directed towards me, bribery with money, harassing messages, belittling comments, etc. They even tried pulling these stunts in front of my son, so that put an end to that. Messages about how his suicide was my fault, and I must have been the cause for his death, and I should have saved him, blah blah blah. Just terrible stuff. Plus they try to push their beliefs about death and religion onto my son, most of which contradicts the things I teach him (I'm very honest, whereas they want to fill him with optimism and sugar coat things to protect him).

So they get limited time with him, and only see him when I'm there so I can prevent them from being smurfs and confusing him further. But I don't want to cut them out completely as they are his only paternal side of the family for at least 1,000 miles (which is fine, because the rest of the family is just as bad).

I probably have a million previous posts about how much I loathe them, haha.

I am so sorry that you are going through this. Must be incredibly hard. The grandparents really should not be talking to him about death without talking to you. It is so confusing for a child.
My father took his life when i was 5 and it was so hard to understand. My now 4 year old always asks about my dad because she sees his pictures. I tell her the same things, that he was just sick and it was his time to go to heaven. It confuses her so much, and she has never had anyone close pass away. I can not imagine what my mom had to go through and what you are going through now.
You sound like a great mommy, he will understand one day. Keeping his memory alive is a great thing!

Quoting Momma Rawks:" They have limited visitations, and they're only supervised (by me). They've pulled a bunch of crazy ... [snip!] ... because the rest of the family is just as bad). I probably have a million previous posts about how much I loathe them, haha."

I would think that he really doesn't need them since they are this way.

Quoting Not tellin:" It is one thing to grieve the loss of their son but that is OUT OF HAND. Do they know that they don't ... [snip!] ... this and keep it on record. Never leave him alone with them again. What a fiasco. They clearly forgot that you lost him too. "

I agree with this!!!!

They are a bunch of tards that you shouldnt have to deal with. They have no rights to him. You are doing them a FAVOR... I wouldnt let them see him anymore.

Quoting Not tellin:" It is one thing to grieve the loss of their son but that is OUT OF HAND. Do they know that they don't ... [snip!] ... this and keep it on record. Never leave him alone with them again. What a fiasco. They clearly forgot that you lost him too. "

They've been on their best behavior the last couple of times they've seen him. So they must be realizing it pretty quickly. They don't get to see him alone. One time I showed up to pick him up and they locked the house and turned off all of their phones (knowing I was on my way), then tried to bribe me to go away by offering money. They also told my son he could go to the park with them (mind you, I was in a hurry to go to work, and they live 45 minutes away--very frustrating). Then told my son the reason he couldn't play at the park was because "Mommy won't let us take you". Turned me into the bad guy. When I would pick him up, I noticed he'd push me, yell at me, hit me, and overall just be mean to me which is not his typical behavior at all (I don't believe they're at all abusive to him, I think they just don't talk so highly of me when I'm not around).

They're the type of people who are used to being able to bully others, and get everything they want. So when I put my foot down and started keeping my son away (something they accused me of doing all of the time, but when I actually did it, I bet they realized the difference), they started behaving. But I don't trust them with my life, so they can piss off if they think they'll get any unsupervised visits again!

Quoting Momma Rawks:" They've been on their best behavior the last couple of times they've seen him. So they must be realizing ... [snip!] ... behaving. But I don't trust them with my life, so they can piss off if they think they'll get any unsupervised visits again!"

I would never let them see him again.

Quoting Momma Rawks:" They've been on their best behavior the last couple of times they've seen him. So they must be realizing ... [snip!] ... behaving. But I don't trust them with my life, so they can piss off if they think they'll get any unsupervised visits again!"

LOL. I did that to my husbands parents because I hate my monster in law and the ssmurf in law. I can't wait to dance on my MIL's grave. I have no love lost for my SIL. crazy bitches in my husbands family. It is amazing. Since I cut them out, hubby and I get along better and I am less stressed.

Since you are grieving the loss of your fiance and having to raise that baby alone, cutting them out probably is the best thing. No more stress and you don't have to undo their damage. The way I see it, if they don't treat me with the basic level of respect, they are disrespecting our entire family and they have no right to be apart of it. My family would NEVER treat my husband in the manner his has me. I don't want that to be an influence on my children as you shouldn't want that on your son. Stay strong and stick to your guns!!!!

Quoting Not tellin:" I would think that he really doesn't need them since they are this way. "

When he sees them, it's with me and in public places. So they're on their best behavior. It's my last attempt in allowing my son to have a relationship with them. They treat him like a prince and he loves them. They adored me until a week or so after my fiance passed, then I was "kicked out of the family" since I was no longer going to be taking the last name. But they've been made aware that their behavior is not okay, or appropriate, and that if they toe the line once again, it's done.

I have everything documented and recorded in case they ever try to get grandparent rights. But I also keep it for when my son is older and in case he inquires as to why that relationship is so limited and strained. I don't want him to hate them, but one day he will certainly know the Hell they have caused.

Quoting Not tellin:" LOL. I did that to my husbands parents because I hate my monster in law and the ssmurf in law. I can't ... [snip!] ... want that to be an influence on my children as you shouldn't want that on your son. Stay strong and stick to your guns!!!!"

I completely agree.

OP my dad and that side of the family has treated me like Im 15 when I was pregnant with my youngest son last year. They thought that I didnt know how to make a choice and I was being selfish for putting my youngest up for adoption and I wasnt thinking about the family as a whole.. and whatever. They told me that my dad and stepmom should adopt him because myself and my oldest never went over there so it shouldnt matter anyway. So they are no longer in mine and my oldest sons life. NOR are they on my FB to see pictures of my youngest with his family. So I think that it is best for you to cut them out.

Quoting Yurvon [♥]:" I completely agree. OP my dad and that side of the family has treated me like Im 15 when I was pregnant ... [snip!] ... NOR are they on my FB to see pictures of my youngest with his family. So I think that it is best for you to cut them out. "

I wouldn't mind it, they serve no true benefit to me. I have wanted to, and many people have told me to cut them out. But they treat my son incredibly well, and he adores them. I know my fiance would never have wanted there to be a separation between his family and his son. So this is my last attempt at making sure they are still somewhat involved in his life. One or two supervised visits a month in public places. It has worked fine so far. But if they toe the line, they know what they have is done with. I have everything documented in case they ever tried to be awarded grandparent rights. It's just a hard thing. My son had such a special bond with them. It seems unfair for him to lose his dad and then them as well. Cutting them out sounds easy and good, but I feel like it just gets a little more complicated because of my son's emotions.

Quoting Momma Rawks:" I wouldn't mind it, they serve no true benefit to me. I have wanted to, and many people have told ... [snip!] ... Cutting them out sounds easy and good, but I feel like it just gets a little more complicated because of my son's emotions."

I know. and I hope for your sake that they will either act up again so you can cut off contact with them, or they will stay civil and act right. You lost the love of your life as well as your sons father, you need to heal and move on [not meaning oh get over it lol. ]

Quoting DeanJade&Maksims Momma:" My dad died when I was 3... my mom always told me the truth, showed me tons of pixs and took me to cemetary ... [snip!] ... those are things I cherish and am so thankful to my mother for   I'm sorry for ur loss but u sound like an awesome mommy..."

Thank you! It's not an easy thing, because I don't always know what the right thing to do. I figure honesty is the best policy. My son has done really well adapting to life without his father around. We have pictures out, and little trinkets of his. I let my son watch our old family videos, and he has books full of pictures of the two of them together. We visit the cemetery together, and release balloons on special days so that when they reach Heaven, Daddy can celebrate with us. I keep him as involved in our lives as I can. We talk about Heaven and how happy Daddy is there.

Quoting Brandi-*EOM*:" I am so sorry that you are going through this. Must be incredibly hard. The grandparents really should ... [snip!] ... are going through now. You sound like a great mommy, he will understand one day. Keeping his memory alive is a great thing!"

Thanks for sharing your story. It's certainly difficult. I do my best to be honest about things, but keep it simple too. When he asks new questions pertaining to death, I always tell others what I have told him, that way if he asks them, they know what to say. Unfortunately his grandparents feel the need to tell them what they think he should hear. They like to fill him with optimism and false hope, because they don't want him to be sad. But then when I have to explain that they were wrong and try to tell him the truth, it just makes him all that much more upset about whatever he's asking. For example, he went through a phase where he constantly asked if Daddy's eyes were open or closed. I said open, because I had been telling him that Daddy is watching over him from Heaven (how would he do that if his eyes were closed?). I told everyone to tell him that if he asked. They instead told him that his dad's eyes are closed. So he was confused and upset over the contradiction. I ended up having to change my story and tell him that Daddy's eyes are open during the day and closed at night, because angels have to sleep too. It's inappropriate, and I have told them to stop.

It's a real struggle sometimes, but before I tell him things, I always think about how it will affect him afterward. He seems to be doing extremely well, and other than the discrepancies from others, he takes what I say to heart.

<blockquote><b>Quoting Momma Rawks:</b>" Thank you! It's not an easy thing, because I don't always know what the right thing to do. I figure ... [snip!] ... Daddy can celebrate with us. I keep him as involved in our lives as I can. We talk about Heaven and how happy Daddy is there."</blockquote>




Thats all u can do..  another thing that helped me was grief counsiling, when I got older... just something to keep in mind... I was about 12 and my mom put me in therapy, and it just helped me figure out how to feel/deal with my anger... Hang in there ur doing great... And I'm here to talk if u need to... I've been in ur shoes before and your sons   take care...