The longer I have DD, the more I'm sure that I want more children.
I don't have a SO and with all my conditions, I doubt I will for a while....but it's something I've had on the back of my mind.
I have two documented miscarriages. I have endomitriosis and PCOS and was told I would never conceive, so when I was younger I was stupid and didn't use BC. I just assumed I wasn't getting pregnant. I had a few "bad periods" that felt like my in-hospital miscarriages, so I'm starting to think I may have had more than two.
I keep thinking about what life would have been like if I'd had one of those babies.
I keep thinking that maybe I would have been a better mom to Addie by now.
Maybe I wouldn't have dropped out of college because I would have had a reason to keep me going.
I wouldn't have made a lot of the smurfups I have if I had had any of them.
It would have been terrible, me being in high school and having a baby, but....hell.. it's hard not to think about them.
I wish there was just a way I could have at least known what they look like.
It's been 7mo since my last miscarriage, so I don't know why I'm thinkin about all of this now. I guess I'm just depressed.
I'm sorry. Life is so unfair some times. Things happen and we don't know why. Try not to over think it....some times over thinking things just makes it worse. Enjoy Addie and the moment your in. It helps to live in the present..KWIM.