re: Did anyone see this on TV?

Quoting *Wicked Mama*:“ Ah, I'm not worried about it. I know that sounds terrible .I get a little sad but doesn't break my heart ... [snip!] ... I just think it's sad to have such a decline in so short a time. I feel no sympathy for him. But I guess I'm a bitch like that.”

No, doesn't make you sound terrible to me, personally.

But, I'm a woman who made a K&S threatening to kill her aunt and uncle a few days back. Fully meant it, too.

heh

C.

Quoting God:“ No, doesn't make you sound terrible to me, personally. But, I'm a woman who made a K&S threatening to kill her aunt and uncle a few days back. Fully meant it, too. heh C.”

It's good to know someone like me lol Most people hear me say things about him and they all ask me how I can be so cold. He's a dying man.

Okay, but he's a dying fucking prick who has no regrets, is not sorry for anything he has ever done, and who has, on numerous occassions, threatened myself and my husband. So, fuck that. Here's to wiping out dickheads.

Quoting *Wicked Mama*:“ It's good to know someone like me lol Most people hear me say things about him and they all ask me ... [snip!] ... done, and who has, on numerous occassions, threatened myself and my husband. So, fuck that. Here's to wiping out dickheads.”

Indeed.

I was glad to see the end of my paternal grandparents, too. Abusive drunks they were. My dad turned out the most normal of his siblings, and I don't talk to him anymore either, because he won't admit to being emotionally abusive to me when I was younger.

Don't want to see the end of my Dad, I still love him. But I don't want him in my life the way he is now.

C.

Quoting God:“ Indeed. I was glad to see the end of my paternal grandparents, too. Abusive drunks they were. My dad ... [snip!] ... I was younger. Don't want to see the end of my Dad, I still love him. But I don't want him in my life the way he is now. C.”

I know exactly what you mean. My father once had the nerve to tell my mother "Oh, I was never that bad to her." Uhm, okay. I would love to be in his mind for a day, to know exactly what he remembers. Because, if I remember correctly, there wasn't a day that went by without him in my face making me feel like a worthless piece of shit.

But to have my mother in my life is to have my father from time to time. All is well, though. He is an over-the-road trucker and I only have to deal with him every now and again. He won't even come into my house for longer than five minutes and hates being around me.

I, personally, think it's because I am the reason he was held down in his life. He was twenty when I was born, when he had to marry my mother because the world's two biggest idiots had to have sex and reproduce. So, he has a strong resentment for me.

It takes a lot of strength to say no more, though, so kudos to you!

Quoting *Wicked Mama*:“ I know exactly what you mean. My father once had the nerve to tell my mother "Oh, I was never that ... [snip!] ... sex and reproduce. So, he has a strong resentment for me. It takes a lot of strength to say no more, though, so kudos to you!”

Well, we had a huge blowout, and while I was standing there yelling at him there was a fraction of a second, it was over so quickly it almost never happened, but there was a fraction of a second that I was so angry that had there been an object within arm's reach capable of using to kill him, my father would be dead right now. And I would have killed him in front of my step mother, my husband and my son. In that fraction of a second, I lost total control and literally would have murdered him.

So, until he changes (I need to change as well, but I've been in therapy working on myself for years. He has not. Though he is a social worker. Go figure. heh), he's not safe for me to be around.

Interestingly enough, my former therapist identified my father as being an unsafe person for me years back, though I don't think he imagined quite *that* when he said it, heh.

C.

And thank you, as I realize as I told my story I forgot to add that part, heh.

C.

Quoting God:“ Well, we had a huge blowout, and while I was standing there yelling at him there was a fraction of a ... [snip!] ... my father as being an unsafe person for me years back, though I don't think he imagined quite *that* when he said it, heh. C.”

How is therapy working for you? I have a lot of my own issues and tend to be on the more "crazy" side when it comes to my temper. There have been my own moments where murder sounds beautiful and I can actually plot it all out in my head with vicious accuracy. It's usually directed toward my parents, who just happen to be the source of all of my deep-seeded problems.

It's just admitting there is actually something wrong with me that is the difficult part. The last thing I want to believe is I am nuts like my psycho mother and I will turn into her. I hate the feeling. Lately, though, I have been coming around and realizing I do need help.

When did you finally come to the conclusion and seek out help? I tried ONCE when I was pregnant with Brandon, but my husband says I must not have been truly ready because the doctor said I was perfectly normal. I'm sorry, normal is not throwing things and screaming like a madwoman. But I held onto those words for a long time wanting to believe them.

Well, I'd been asking my mother to take my to see someone for years when I was a teenager, and she kept saying "it's just PMS" (I'm not even kidding). Once I was older she admitted to me that she knew I was depressed, but she'd always hoped I wouldn't be, because she was depressed herself, and would not admit to herself that I was, even if she really knew I was.

I finally got her to take me when I was 19, but it didn't go well, and I didn't go back.

Then, I made a half-assed suicide attempt (not planned, spur of the moment) at 20, at which point I figured I should probably work on fixing myself.

C.

My last therapist (I'm currently looking for a new one due to moving out of the city where the old one is located) was great, I felt very comfortable with him, and made a lot of progress.

The ones I'd had prior to that (there'd been a few others - three or four over the years) were absolutely horrible, and would scare me off the process for usually a year or two following my visit(s).

If you can find a good one, it'll probably work well. Kind of a crap shoot, though. Even taking advice from others, what is good for one won't necessarily work for another. Especially when talking about people with "abnormally functioning" brains.

C.

Quoting God:“ Well, I'd been asking my mother to take my to see someone for years when I was a teenager, and she kept ... [snip!] ... suicide attempt (not planned, spur of the moment) at 20, at which point I figured I should probably work on fixing myself. C.”

See, it's never gone so far as actually WANTING to make an attempt on my own life, but as I get older, I've come to realize why some people feel that is the only way out. The fact I can understand it now scares me because I never want to get to that point. I usually handle things extremely well, but over the past year my ability to cope has been declining rapidly. I've been flying off the handle a lot more frequently, much the same way I used to when I was a teenager. I left that behind when my oldest was born and I got with my husband. But my husband is now the source of it all coming back.

It's frustrating because I want to get help. I have an extreme amount of anger issues. My husband is lucky I make it up the stairs to pound my fists into the door repetitively because it's really his face I want to connect with. I've NEVER hit him, but I have wanted to a lot over the past year. I HAVE shoved him away from me when he was trying to apologize. But sometimes "I'm sorry" isn't enough to fix things.

I know for the sake of the kids, though, I need to at least try to work on it.

Have you been diagnosed with anything in particular? My mother is Bipolar, and that is why I am terrified. The last thing I want is to be told I'm just like the one woman who has been my best friend and my worst enemy all in the same breath.

Quoting *Wicked Mama*:“ See, it's never gone so far as actually WANTING to make an attempt on my own life, but as I get older, ... [snip!] ... thing I want is to be told I'm just like the one woman who has been my best friend and my worst enemy all in the same breath.”

My main diagnosis is borderline personality disorder, though I'm also considered to be clinically depressed, mildly obsessive-compulsive and mildly agoraphobic. I also have anxiety with panic attacks and I'm hyper-sensitive to stimuli, but I'm not certain where those stem from exactly, heh.

C.

Quoting God:“ My main diagnosis is borderline personality disorder, though I'm also considered to be clinically depressed, ... [snip!] ... anxiety with panic attacks and I'm hyper-sensitive to stimuli, but I'm not certain where those stem from exactly, heh. C.”

I'm thinking I may be a touch agoraphobic. I am not big on public scenes and every time I get a job I quit within a day because I feel panicked. :-\ It sucks! I HAVE to have a job, though. We can't afford for me to be home. So, I got a job where Richard works. It's sad, he's the source of a lot of my current problems but also the one person I actually allow myself to lean on. It's annoying lol

Quoting *Wicked Mama*:“ I'm thinking I may be a touch agoraphobic. I am not big on public scenes and every time I get a job I ... [snip!] ... he's the source of a lot of my current problems but also the one person I actually allow myself to lean on. It's annoying lol”

Yeah, I know how that is. I don't leave the house very much, myself.

C.