vent/thoughts needed/looooong!

I am sorry this is incredibly long, mostly a rant/vent but I would like an outsider's feelings/thoughts on this situation. I'm not usually one to lay my life out there for all to know, but I've been a member for a while now and thought maybe someone could relate or give some advice. So honest opinions only on what I write. If you have questions on the situation please ask, as I'm summarizing this tremendously (believe it or not)! Here goes:

I am happily married to my husband of a year and a half (together for 4 years total) and we have a beautiful 8 month old little girl =) My husband (27) has an almost 7 year old son from a past relationship (not married). My husband has been in his life since day 1, even though she didn't tell him she was even expecting their son until she was 8 months pregnant (they weren't together at the time). My husband knew it was his and has paid child support the whole time. He has never felt like he shouldn't. He loves his son. We had a surprisingly great relationship with his ex g/f and her husband. Had is the key word here! Over the past 2+ years and more so since our daughter has been born his ex has been pretty much making my husbands life hell by threatening to take his son away if my husband doesn't do what she wants, making comments like "he has taken a backseat since McKenzie was born," going behind his back to raise his child support (to $600 a month!) and denying doing so even after she told him she wanted it to be as low as they would allow for us because they didn't need all that they were making him pay (we have the documents clearly stating right on them that she requested it), and pretty much allowing her husband to be my stepson's father (she even had him re-baptized to be Catholic, which her husband is, and now sends him to Catholic school. Actually, they let him at 5 years old decide this on his own.) . She doesn't involve my husband in his son's life whatsoever, unless it is as way to help them out. She has even asked that my husband give up his rights so her husband could adopt him. Up until the last year or so my husband has always said no. But things have gone from bad to worse and my husband does not feel like he is his son's father anymore at all. His son hardly relates to him anymore and pretty much thinks of us as a place for him to come play after school. She has even turned my husbands father on him in this situation by making things up and because this is his beloved grandson, he is siding with her and doesn't even listen to our side. Only to the lies she feeds him. She lies constantly and is manipulative and I swear bi-polar. My husband told her that he thought maybe it would be best for her husband to adopt him. He said he loved his son very much, which he does, but this situation is just not healthy for any one involved. That way his step dad could really be his father. She agreed and even told my husband that he could still be involved in his life with holidays and what not if he wanted. But then, two days later she calls me and tells me that my husband is NEVER allowed to see HER son again. (but she still needed someone to watch him for the rest of the week after school so could we still do it?) I told her that is not what she told my husband 2 days before and she needed to obviously discuss this more with him. I told my husband I would support him in whatever decision he makes, as I am his wife and thats what I do. He is to the point that he doesn't really want to deal with this anymore, but at the same time doesn't know if giving him is the best thing to do either. He told her that he wouldn't give him up because he didn't want it to be on bad terms but she still won't let him see him. My husband has done nothing but be there for his son the best he could be under her and has never treated him unfairly in regards to his sister (our daughter). We both are at a loss on what to do here. She threatens to not let him see his son and even asks him to give up his rights, but when my husband finally agrees because it has gotten that bad she throws an absolute fit. I know its a sticky situation and a decision my husband will have to deal with for the rest of his life. Its not like he just abandoned him though and refused to be there for him. Grrr...Sorry this is so long but I really have no one else to talk about this with since I know no one in this situation!

Go to court. She can't just decide he's not aloud to see his son. He pays child support and if there is no sign of abuse to the child she has no right and a judge will lean your way.

I am sorry to hear that you are going through something so unpleasant. And I honestly don't even know what I would do in such a situation.
I do however agree with Rebecca, maybe going to court will sort things out.

I would in NO way, shape, or form trust the whole "give up your rights and you can still see him on holidays, etc.'It sounds like a tough time,I'm sorry. I agree w/ Rebecca I guess.... it sounds like something the courts should become involved with. She has no right to keep him from you guys. I'm sure you love your stepson and want whats best for him, but is being with her really the best? If she can't even make up her mind and decide what she wants for him, it may not be.

Thanks for the replies. It does suck to be in this situation. We both love him very much, however it just causes problems all the time any more. Even between us sometimes. This is something that we have to think about on a daily basis. My husband is just so tired of her crap and lies and doesn't want to deal with her anymore. So that just leaves his son in the middle. He is going to speak with her again and just tell her flat out a new schedule for us to have him, and pretty much that as his father he will raise him how he wants. He pays child support and his name is on the birth certificate so he has every right. If she disagrees or argues or anything, I think it will definitely be time to go to court. Unfortunately, I think it may be getting to late for something to be worked out. We'll see though. Thanks again for the replies =)

Let me tell you what.....from what you've explained.....that lady has no right what so ever (besides the fact that she's obviously bitter) to try and take your husbands rights away......definitely take her to court. Urge your husband to take this to a lawyer....as his wife DO NOT allow him to give up on this situation no matter how sticky it may get! Imagine if he just gave up his rights to McKenzie......sorry don't mean to get personal or over step any boundaries...I mean no disrespect in any way however I really want you to try and see the situation from all angles....
Anyways....I can go on for days.....but you seem like a wonderful person....especially to have even ever HAD a relationship with her (the ex) in the first place....that takes a big person to do something like that....I tip my hat to you and once again I beg of you to urge your hubby to stick to his guns, don't surrender, don't give up.....that is HIS SON!!!

Quoting Miss Katrina:“ Let me tell you what.....from what you've explained.....that lady has no right what so ever (besides ... [snip!] ... you and once again I beg of you to urge your hubby to stick to his guns, don't surrender, don't give up.....that is HIS SON!!!”

  agreed  

Quoting hedderwedder:“   agreed  ”

Why thank you, my dear!

Quoting Miss Katrina:“ Let me tell you what.....from what you've explained.....that lady has no right what so ever (besides ... [snip!] ... you and once again I beg of you to urge your hubby to stick to his guns, don't surrender, don't give up.....that is HIS SON!!!”

^^^ That about sums up anything and everything I could have said.

Thank you for the kind words! At this point I don't think he is going to give up his rights. He said he would but we've talked about it a lot and decided that no matter what road he choses there is going to be drama with her so it's probably best not to give him up. I have told him several times that the courts need to be involved and if she doesn't listen and continues to keep him from seeing his son we will take it to court. I also know though, that he is worn thin with her and thats why he wants to just give up, and honestly at this point I don't blame him. I try to think about what I would do if I were in her shoes and I just can't put my self in her shoes. I have lost all respect for her and think she is a crummy person LOL. Ohwell, thanks again ladies for listening, or reading rather. I'm going to bed...should have been there hours ago!

Hey my boyfriend's mom and sisters live in Iowa!! (I know...totally off subject)

Quoting Miss Katrina:“ Hey my boyfriend's mom and sisters live in Iowa!! (I know...totally off subject)”

LOL I don't why but that totaly made me laugh out loud! Maybe it's because it's so late and I'm finally getting sleepy.. Anyhow.. I know I'm weird  

Quoting mandysweetie:“ Thank you for the kind words! At this point I don't think he is going to give up his rights. He said ... [snip!] ... person LOL. Ohwell, thanks again ladies for listening, or reading rather. I'm going to bed...should have been there hours ago!”

She is a crummy person if she's using his son to manipulate him. Good luck with whatever road he chooses. And good luck on dealing with the selfish bitch in the future!