I don't deserve my baby

Guilt is eating me up. I have had a problem with meth and had done decent for a while. However, I have been week this pregnancy ( about ten times give or take) the most recent time I used being last night and I want to die. I am about 30 weeks pregnant and disgusted with myself. I ask myself the question that you probably all have. "Why doesn't the love for my child outweigh my addiction?" Well, that's what kills me. I am so ashamed but I don't know what to do. I guess I don't expect sympathy or encouraging words. I expect the replies that I will get. I just needed to get this out. I feel like a monster.
I even had to reschedule my OB appointment I had this morning for next week because I was to high to go.

get help. or you will kill your baby.

Have you looked into Rehab? Does your doctor know?

Have you gone to a rehab, or told your dr about your habit? This is very dangerous to your baby....it's not about you right now..its about the life inside you

Why don't you give the baby for adoption? You need help and the baby will probably need help also.

Quoting Guilty and undeserving:" Guilt is eating me up. I have had a problem with meth and had done decent for a while. However, I have ... [snip!] ... feel like a monster. I even had to reschedule my OB appointment I had this morning for next week because I was to high to go."

Go seek pro.help asap!
I literally am at a loss for words honestly.

Get help hon. Talk to your OB about giving you a medical substitute to help curb it while you are pregnant.

You need to get some help  

Clearly you don't want to do this and you do recognize the destructive nature of your actions but unfortunately addiction is an awful disease that few people recover from without help. Talk to your OB about your recovery options mama and good luck to you.

  

If your baby makes it to term... please give it up for adoption.

Quoting augies mom ♥:" get help. or you will kill your baby."

I'm scared of possibly losing my other children.

There is no shame in seeking help. Perhaps consider adoption as an option as well. You both have a chance.

Quoting Guilty and undeserving:" Guilt is eating me up. I have had a problem with meth and had done decent for a while. However, I have ... [snip!] ... feel like a monster. I even had to reschedule my OB appointment I had this morning for next week because I was to high to go."

If I was you I would go to my OB or GP or whatever and tell them that I have a problem. Doing meth is so bad for your poor baby   And if you can't stop on your own you need someone who will help you.
Get help! Seriously, before you really hurt your baby.
Best of luck!

Quoting wombie:" You need to get some help   Clearly you don't want to do this and you do recognize the destructive ... [snip!] ... awful disease that few people recover from without help. Talk to your OB about your recovery options mama and good luck to you."

Very true......

you need to be in a facility. you need help.
Does your OB know you have been using?

get help now. you can save your baby from having to go through withdrawals. I'm so sorry hun   GL.