Woman's best friend...(long)
posted 4th Aug '12
This post is about my dog, Ziggy who recently passed. I know some women on here don't understand how much, 'just a dog' can mean to someone. But, I've essentially lost my best friend.
Before LO was born, Ziggy was the center of our world, we probably loved him TOO much and gave him TOO much attention. He knew I was pregnant, or I at least think so...The more I got pregnant, the less affection I tried to show, all the time. I didn't want there to just be a sudden drop off of attention, so I tried to gradually limit it.
When LO was born, he was very interested, and concerned when he cried...and just in general, I knew he cared about him. Almost immediately, Ziggy got little attention from me, I tried to balance it..especially, in the beginning when he was just a newborn, and I was constantly holding him...I tried giving him random pats and pets when I had a moment because I didn't want there to be jealousy, I wanted all love and the understanding that he's a handful, and I still love him.
It seemed like Ziggy pretty much stopped eating, we had to walk him to the food bowl, and say, "eat the food!" over and over. But, instead he'd rather sit right in our faces. I figured he'd rather beg for the attention than to eat and not be near us or he'd only eat when we were in the room with him, when he did. He started to lose weight but, both of us REALLY thought it was from him not wanting to be away from us for 5 minutes to eat.
Over the last three months, he just seemed like a different dog. He was still lovable but, he would pee on the floor almost every other day..and I know at the time, I thought he's just trying to get ANY kind of attention, even if it's bad. So, I'd just clean it, take him outside to pee again, and then put him in the kennel.
DH had been having really bad dreams about him for almost a month...the same dream, over and over. He said, in his dream, I'd be in bed, and he had fallen asleep on the couch..he'd wake up and walk towards the bathroom to pee..but, he heard something weird coming from the kitchen (where our dog's kennel is) and walks out there, and Ziggy is convulsing in the cage, and he pulls him out, and he dies in his arms.
DH had genuine concern about our dog at this point, he even asked to borrow money to take him to the vet to get him looked at.
Wednesday, my husband really felt like something was wrong, when he came home from work, LO was on the floor crawling around and when he came in the door, Ziggy started getting OVERLY excited, almost jumping on LO. DH grabbed Ziggy and said, "Come on Zig, let's go chill out for a minute, you're gonna hurt the baby." and when he went to direct him towards the kennel, he started biting him, I didn't see it but, DH said, "What are you doing? Stop biting!"
That night, I could see a change in his demeanor after being on the computer for awhile. He started researching what could be wrong, and it pointed to cancer. This hit DH especially hard because he just lost his mother to cancer 10 months ago.
He said, "This smurf took my mother and now it's gonna take my best smurfing friend." and I know he wanted to cry but, he didn't. He just grabbed Zig by the neck and hugged him. Ziggy laid out with all us night (which usually doesn't happen, he tends to mosey around and go in the room and wake LO up). The next day, DH woke up and told me, "this weekend, I'm gonna just have to suck it up and take him to the vet, I'll figure the money out when I get to it." and I said, "okay."
DH went to work, and I let Zig out of the kennel while I feed LO breakfast. He just sat next to us, looking for a scrap to fall. I took him out to go to the bathroom, and he did, both. He managed to behave all day to stay out of the kennel. Later that night, we had ordered some food and he just got way over zealous with begging for it, so DH put him in the kennel while we ate. We both suddenly started to smell smurf. I was like, "omg I hope he didn't go to the bathroom in the kennel." and I walked out there, he did..it was bad, everywhere, diarrhea. I looked at him, and he looked exhausted, and not himself. He didn't look like, he knew he did something wrong, he looked like he didn't know wtf happened. I put him in the bath and while he was in the bath he just peed, after we were done, DH took him out again, and we had to put him in the kennel to dry. A few minutes later the smell hit us again, and we both looked at each other..I think we knew something was wrong..
DH told me right then, "I'm taking him to the 24 hour vet, right now. This isn't right" I cleaned everything up and waited on any news. I sat on the couch and got the first text, "He's getting his blood drawn, he smurf everywhere, in the jeep, in the office, and it's just coming out, it's not like he has to go. "
I knew something was really bad. I asked him how he behaved for the vet, DH said they had to sedate him a little bit. He kept texting me, and at one point said, he's shivering so bad.
At 12:34 DH texted me again, "OMG babe. Zig really just past away in front of me, I tried to call, I can't speak, I can't believe this."
I didn't cry, I couldn't believe it. He didn't even get a diagnosis from the vet...
DH got home around 1am, and when he came through the door, holding his collar and he wasn't with him, that's when I felt the loss. I bawled immediately and hugged my husband.
It's unreal. Yesterday we had to break down his kennel, and get rid of his toys, and food bowls, and even our 'beware of dog' sign. Everything reminds me of him.
I feel so awkward making food in the kitchen and he's not at my feet, or not having to take him outside, which I do everyday is just more of a reminder he's not here..I just miss him.
I'm dreading the smurfing grocery store, I have to walk past the pet aisle, and remember that he's gone. Every dog reminds me of how I don't have him. I tried to vacuum yesterday and when I turned it on, it smelled like him. This just smurfing sucks...