Ongoing Problems with Step Kids Mother! Advice Please!

So I have two step daughters who are almost 8 and 9 and their parents were together for 10 years when they split up and their father met me. It was confusing for everyone for awhile (my SO didn’t know what was going to happen if we stayed together, like for example him not being able to see his kids as much as he wanted too and he was with the woman for 10 years) but in the end, me and him stayed together and now we are expecting a baby. The problem I am having is that his ex is causing problems for us that we don’t need. For example; she tells her kids that I am ‘immature’ and when they are with me they don’t have to listen and they can do whatever they want. There is a 12 year age difference between me and my SO (I am 20 and he is 32) so I could understand her thinking I am immature BUT telling it to her kids is just wrong. It’s like putting them in the middle of something or using them as toys in her game.

Another issue I have is when she decides to call me and make up things that my SO like ‘oh he says he doesn’t really love you and he doesn’t even want to be with you’ and ‘he asked me to look for a bachelor apartment for just him’ (which really doesn’t make sense since he would have his two daughters with him). Then she has tried crazy things to get him back! When they broke up she called and said she was pregnant and that she was moving the kids 3 hours away so he couldn’t see them; she said she took two pregnancy test and went to the doctors. Then he goes back to her and MAGICALLY she isn’t pregnant.

His kids know he is happier; they have told him not to go back to their mom (they fought a lot); everyone is happy this way. It just feels like when things are going good she calls or says something to just cause a problem. I try to be nothing but respectful to her; if her kids say something about her all I say is ‘That’s your mother; you need to respect and love her’ or when there have been things that have been said to the kids I just tell them ‘Your mother has been going through a lot, she doesn’t mean what she says’.

I just want to know how to deal with this or maybe just vent with other people who kind of go through the same things. I don’t have a lot of people I know ESPECIALLY someone who is going through this.

Sorry for the long story, just have not really been able to vent about this before!

Have you tried having a one on one talk in person with just you and her? If not, it may be a good place to start.

Sounds like exactly the same thing I have went through with my husaband's ex wife. She even tried to tell me she was still sleeping with him. Best advice I can give you is to make you SO deal with her...not yourself. I know I wanted a great relationship with my husbands ex for the sake of his son, but if she is just going to start drama...don't put yourself in the situation. As far as the kids go, my advice is to remind them 2 different houses with 2 different sets of rules. If they say how their mom bad mouths you just say that you are sorry that this is happening, but that is it. If it seems to really bother them, try to show them it doesn't bother you (even though I'm sure it does). If they think you don't care they won't care as much. Good luck. I can tell you that after 3 years of ignoring my husbands ex....we actually have a pretty ok relationship now. She actually calls to ask me advice when my step son is with her and acting out. I wish you luck.

Quoting Shannonsfirst:" Have you tried having a one on one talk in person with just you and her? If not, it may be a good place to start."

I have tried to talk and when we do talk it seems like everything is good and then she will turn around and say or do something that makes it seem like she just wanted me to think things were good so she could get me off guard. This bullsmurf has been going on for almost 10 months now. You would think enough is enough!

Quoting Luv Being Mommy:" Sounds like exactly the same thing I have went through with my husaband's ex wife. She even tried to ... [snip!] ... a pretty ok relationship now. She actually calls to ask me advice when my step son is with her and acting out. I wish you luck."

He has dealt with it okay so far but he just thinks I am over reacting to some things and I let it bother me too much. But I give him credit that when she does something he goes and tells her that this stuff has to stop. It has been okay for a few weeks so I am hoping maybe things will be better soon.

Thanks. I am hoping things stay good!

I haave the same problem and let me tell you, it will never end. It it constent and never ending drama! Stand ur ground with her and let her know that she will not get to you nor will her petty drama come between you and your man! My husband has a 22 month old son and it has been nothing but drama and fighting since day one. Her and her mother think they run everything! She is 22 and her mother runs everything in her life! Them having a baby was a big uh oh. They went to court and everything last year and they try to change the rules and never want to work on things it ridiculous! Back in Dec my husband had even thought about signing over his rights cuz he was tired of putting his son through the crap cuz he dealt with it as a child, the courts would not allow it cuz she is on to much goverment and cant live without the child support. She even lives in government apartments and at the time she only worked 13 hours a week at a grocery store. She wont een tell him where his son is in day care or when is dr appts are and she is supposed to cuz they have joint custody and its in the rules. Its tiring and gets old but she has lost her mind if she even begins to think she will get him back ever or that she will slit us up cuz im a lot stronger than to let that get to me! Dont ever back down cuz when u do thats when she thinks she has won and will try to take full advantage of the situation.

Quoting Lindsey Curd:" I haave the same problem and let me tell you, it will never end. It it constent and never ending drama! ... [snip!] ... me! Dont ever back down cuz when u do thats when she thinks she has won and will try to take full advantage of the situation."

I am sorry to hear that its going that bad for him! At least she has not gotten that bad. He pays her child support on time every month and if she took the kids from him that is when the child support stops and he goes to court.
But if they have joint custody and she is not following the rules can he not take her back to court for breech of the agreement and fight to have his son more of the time?

Quoting 'Sheri James:" I am sorry to hear that its going that bad for him! At least she has not gotten that bad. He pays her ... [snip!] ... following the rules can he not take her back to court for breech of the agreement and fight to have his son more of the time?"

We pay our on time to we actually had it set up just to come out of his checks and it makes it easier. She is such a witch and we live in such a small town we have to see her all the time. We actually have been writing down all the things she has been doing wrong and we could actually fight for full custody but it cost $7500 just for the lawyer and we really dont want to spend that right now cuz we have a 5 month old and im 10.5 weeks pregnant. Baby momma drama is the worst thing ever and i cant even imagine putting my children through it! I would never want to take my childrens father ut of their life regardless cuz its not their fault and they shouldnt be punished. And i dont need a mans money thats for sure. I would never put my self in a situation to where i couldnt live without a man.

Quoting Blakelee Jagger's Mommy:" We pay our on time to we actually had it set up just to come out of his checks and it makes it easier. ... [snip!] ... And i dont need a mans money thats for sure. I would never put my self in a situation to where i couldnt live without a man."

I feel the same way! My son's father and me split up 2 years ago and he sees him twice a week and if he wants to take him on a Saturday or something I let him. He sometimes is late with his child support but I am okay with that as long as we talk it over. My son's father is one of my good friends now and I am happy we have such a great relationship for our little guy. But I agree with you that it is important for a child to have a mother and father even if the parents aren't together.
But it's not the child's fault the parents can't agree on stuff; they didn't ask to be born and they don't have a choice in parents. I am just afraid with all this drama with his ex, I am just going to say smurf it because it's not worth the stress and it causes fights that don't need to happen. It is almost like because of all this smurf things have already been ruined.

Its nice to finally see someone who agrees! Most girls these days say screw the guy and dont want them to see or have their kid(s) then bitch about it and they just want the money. You cant let it get to u cuz i was the same way at first i just wanted to walk away cuz we hadnt been together that long but i was pregnant with our son and i wanted to try to fix it for him. Its gotten easier for me to deal with it cuz i just tell the bitch where to shove it and i dont play her games. We have an amzing relationship, and dont fight at all until baby momma drama hits and its always something with those people. I have to come to realize that i cant let her patheticness affect my life or my childs. A lot of her hate comes from the fact that she is still in love with him and he left her. She likes to tell people that he cheated on her with me, but i hadnt even moved back her until like 2 months after he left her. I just dont understand girls and their petty drama especially when they have a child. They need to grow up and think about their kid(s) and not themselves.

Quoting Blakelee Jagger's Mommy:" Its nice to finally see someone who agrees! Most girls these days say screw the guy and dont want them ... [snip!] ... and their petty drama especially when they have a child. They need to grow up and think about their kid(s) and not themselves."

It's true about girls these days! I had my son when I was 17 and I worked from when I was pregnant till my son was 2 and I started trying to finish my school and then I got pregnant again. It's been a tough pregnancy so I am trying to do some schooling at home. A lot of people in my town are teen mothers who sit on their ass and do nothing so it gave me a bad name too.
But I think your absolutely right! If you still act like a child when you have a child yourself, you need to re think your life. Saying that I know people make mistakes (because trust me, I have made quiet a few) but after awhile you stop feeling sorry for them and giving them chances. You realize that they won't change. It's a shame what some kids go through; it ruins their life and in turn probably their kid's lives too.