Please give me some advice.

I just need to know what I need to change here or if I'm in the wrong at all.
SO is bipolar and has a few other mental issues that he refuses to get help with but he is a decent human being and I do love him very much.

My problem is, he expects everyone to read his mind. He will get mad about lots of little things but no one knows until it's too late. Then he goes on and on on rants about everything he hates and know one cares (because no one knows it's bothering him!!). One huge issue with us is his sister and her kid coming over here every day. We have a small apartment and her child is absolutely terrible and I'm going to flat out say it she is a bad mom. She knows it. She does not discipline him until she's really angry and hits him. SO can't stand it when he hears her knocking at the door but we can't really be mean to her....
Another issue is cleaning. He's a bit OCD....and we have both come to accept things with that. But I ALWAYS have the house clean when he gets here. Now, it always gets messed up again that's for sure. With cooking and our kid and his sister's kid....by 8:00 it's a disaster again. I always pick it up and everything but it's never good enough. He thinks he has to clean it and then clean it again in the morning before he leaves for work even though I have all day to clean it and he KNOWS I will. But then gripes about "HAVING" to clean it. He doesn't have to!

My nephew and sister stayed over last night. They both live with my mom in pretty bad conditions so I try to have them over when I can, and I also needed my sister to watch LO today so I can go up to the college. Well this morning before he left he said "I want these people out of my house" right in front of them. All because he thinks he had to pick up a few things this morning and they don't pick up after themselves. I am not exaggerating at all when I say this apartment was not/is not dirty. At all. So I guess something is snapping in his smurfed up head and I'm getting all these texts about how "No one smurfing cares all he does is work in the heat all day and then come home to get disrespected never has a minute alone with his family (which is exaggerating but everyone always coming over is annoying) and bringing up me cheating on him 5 years ago when I was 16 and we had been dating 3 months. We did have something very special that's why we're still together today and we were really in love so it was wrong of me to cheat. But I was 16. It was a huge mistake that I have paid for and am still paying for today. I'm not that person anymore, I'm an adult now and would never do that again. But he still brings it up like it's KILLING him inside. I know cheating is wrong and it hurts and it was slutty of me. But shouldn't we have come past that now?


I'm sorry this is so long I just want to know if I'm as bad of a girlfriend as he is making me out to be right now....or if he just seriously can't control his mental issues like I think. I also think he's just not happy with me most of the time. But sometimes he acts like he loves me more than anything. I don't know what to do. We've broken up for a few days at a time a few times over this type of stuff and I'm sick of that. After a day or so he always gets really sad and says things like "I understand why you don't want to be with me, I'm so smurffy and selfish" with this self-hatred attitude. Doesn't that sound manic? and If we're going to break up I'd rather it be for good but it's so hard to leave someone who you know you're compatible with and your son's father.

What are your thoughts? If you read this thank you and I hope it makes some sense.

just want to put some of the texts i just got here..

"Like i said who smurfing cares you and everyone else just seem like yall try to tun me down to where i just want to fall down cry and give up I don't believe for a sec u give two smurfs about me like i said smurf it i'm done providing for jack smurf nothing in return but BULL Smurf AND MESSES. I got to smurfing work cuase i dont get a goddamn break in the 111 smurfing degrees i just want to smurfing die cause just smurf it i hate u for what u did and him. all these years no one acts like it smurfing matters people talk about aldfkjasdl;kjfasdkl;jglasdg smurf it."

I don't know what brought this on, seriously.

Man thats tough. My SO is bipolar and when he starts to become unreasonable I just call him out on it. Which usually leads to an argument but also leads to settling the issue, whatever it is at that time. You just really need to stick up for yourself and be verbal, make observations and tell him what you think. It's the only way he will be able to see how others view his actions. good luck!

He needs to get help, I have significant mental issues and I'm a hot mes when I'm not on meds or in therapy, my husband has told me flat out I will leave u and take the kids til u get help, that was all I needed, its not ideal, but if I feel like smurf I make everyone else miserable and theres only so much everyone else can take...

Quoting SarryBerry:" just want to put some of the texts i just got here.. "Like i said who smurfing cares you and everyone ... [snip!] ... like it smurfing matters people talk about aldfkjasdl;kjfasdkl;jglasdg smurf it." I don't know what brought this on, seriously. "

see to that I would text back "If a messy house is the worst of your problems consider yourself lucky. You sound crazy right now."
BUT that is what I would say to MY guy, not sure how yours would handle that, ya know.

Quoting Mommy☠Kate:" Man thats tough. My SO is bipolar and when he starts to become unreasonable I just call him out on it. ... [snip!] ... make observations and tell him what you think. It's the only way he will be able to see how others view his actions. good luck!"

thank you...but i don't know where to start on calling him out. i tried telling him i understand about working in the heat and people coming over but no one knows whats bothering him unless he tells them.

i'm ignoring him right now but when i tried that he said
"unless u got something real to say thats gonna help me keep it to your smurfing self. i feel bad for all of you think that im not just going to smurfing snap one day all the times you have seen me mad is my temp still under control you have NEVER seen me smurfing mad i just weant to scream and break everything and justtell all of you off my whole family yours and work just smurf everybody."

this smurf right here makes me want to pack up and leave again.
when i did the time before last he promised to get help. never did. we really can't afford it and if i leave i have to live with my grandma with nothing. i have nothing.

Quoting Mommy☠Kate:" see to that I would text back "If a messy house is the worst of your problems consider yourself lucky. ... [snip!] ... lucky. You sound crazy right now." BUT that is what I would say to MY guy, not sure how yours would handle that, ya know. "

but he would say it isnt just the house its shannon and you cheating on me....all rolled into one.

Quoting SarryBerry:" thank you...but i don't know where to start on calling him out. i tried telling him i understand about ... [snip!] ... to get help. never did. we really can't afford it and if i leave i have to live with my grandma with nothing. i have nothing."

to that I would say, if you want to end this family because of YOUR problems thats YOUR decision. YOU are in control of your life, we are here to support you but you have to decide if you want to work on your issues or not. I'm not afraid of you or your temper.

as for Shannon, she is your sister and if he can't accept your family too then thats like shunning you. And if he can't let go of the past and live for NOW then he will always be miserable.

i seriously feel like he's going to cheat on me one day when he's acting/feeling like this. because he's not in his right mind and he'll think about how i cheated on him when i was 16 and just do it.

It doesn't sound like he's necessarily manic, unless by manic you mean manic depression like bipolar, but it doesn't sound like a manic episode. From what you've mentioned, I'd think he does need help.

Sounds like he might keep things bottled up that are bothering him until he's just had enough & then he snaps & let's out his venting & frustration on others in very inappropriate ways & at inappropriate times, like when there are visitors like you mentioned. If he doesn't want to take meds, he needs to at least consider seeing a counselor or therapist, which will also help with relationship issues since you guys can go together sometimes...maybe even work on his issues with how you cheated on him back in the day, ya know?

Quoting Mommy☠Kate:" to that I would say, if you want to end this family because of YOUR problems thats YOUR decision. YOU ... [snip!] ... family too then thats like shunning you. And if he can't let go of the past and live for NOW then he will always be miserable."

i will text that to him now. thank you you are really helping because i just feel at a loss for words here.

Quoting ✰ Mrs. B ✰:" It doesn't sound like he's necessarily manic, unless by manic you mean manic depression like bipolar, ... [snip!] ... since you guys can go together sometimes...maybe even work on his issues with how you cheated on him back in the day, ya know?"

yes we really need counseling. i'm going to try and see if the mental health place has financial assistance in some way

Quoting SarryBerry:" i will text that to him now. thank you you are really helping because i just feel at a loss for words here."

no problem, just make sure what you say is from your heart too, so you can back it up if he wants to talk later. And what helps is actually talking thru things calmly, ask him to have a conversation, not talk AT you.

Quoting Mommy☠Kate:" no problem, just make sure what you say is from your heart too, so you can back it up if he wants to ... [snip!] ... wants to talk later. And what helps is actually talking thru things calmly, ask him to have a conversation, not talk AT you. "

okay. i will try and get him to talk calmy but if he refuses after the heartfelt text i just sent him i can't handle it anymore. i can only handle so much....but i'd like to work on things for us and our son.