cheating and continuing the relationship..

I don't really have anyone to talk to about this.. So, putting all my problems out here on BG. Haa... (Sorry this is so long.)

My fiance cheated on me when I was 6 months pregnant with our son..
The thing that bothered me the most about it was how blatantly heartless he was about the entire situation. Without going into too much detail about what happened, aside from cheating, he also did a lot of stupid, smurfed up, self destructive things that night. It just astounded me that he could be so smurfing selfish and heartless and inconsiderate. Not only of me, but of our son..

He told me everything that happened, hysterically crying and genuinely remorseful..

We eventually decided to try to work on things.

I took him back. We've talked a lot about that night, and worked through things. It hasn't been easy. It took a lot of work from both of us. But our relationship has never been better in all honesty. He's been good to me since. And our relationship has seemed a lot stronger. Since our son was born, I've seen a real change in him..

It's been four months, and it hasn't really bothered me in a while.
But lately, out of nowhere, I've been thinking about it a lot.
I've even been having vivid dreams about it.

I guess I'm not past it, to some degree.

It's not so much about what he did, I'm past that. It's more so about the way it felt... I just can't get over the way it made me feel, I guess.
That crushing feeling, like my chest collapsed. That utter disappointment. That heart sinking feeling of inadequacy. I felt betrayed, confused..
Needless to say, it sucked.

I had such a vivid dream about it last night.. That it was happening all over again. I've never had a dream where I was so over powered by emotion..
And I haven't been able to shake it.

It's all I've thought about all day.

I don't get it. I was over it for a while, things have been great. And then all of a sudden I'm being dragged down by these emotions again... And back to feeling so small.

When does it go away for good?  

Kudos if you got through all of this rambling... Ha.

I didn't read through all of it but to answer your question, it has taken me nearly two years to get past it all. I have been in your shoes. It does get better if you let it.

For some it gets better and for others it doesn't. Have you tried talking to him about it?

Quoting Snotface♫[usmc]:" I didn't read through all of it but to answer your question, it has taken me nearly two years to get past it all. I have been in your shoes. It does get better if you let it. "

 

been almost a year for me and it's less painful now

You need to talk to him about it. It's obvious you're still not over it. And in all honesty, in my situation, it didn't "go away for good" until I left his ass. Sorry you're going through this. I wouldn't be able to forgive someone who cheated on me while I was pregnant with their child.

Quoting Snotface♫[usmc]:" I didn't read through all of it but to answer your question, it has taken me nearly two years to get past it all. I have been in your shoes. It does get better if you let it. "

Yeah, I just realized how obnoxiously long it is. lol..

It just sucks. Things seemed better, and then out of nowhere I'm back where I was four months ago..   It's not even that I don't trust him, really.. The pain of it happening is just still there, I guess.

IMO, once a cheater, always a cheater. it didn't stop in my situation. and it eventually resulted in me getting abused.

<blockquote><b>Quoting Chelsea Renae:</b>" I don't really have anyone to talk to about this.. So, putting all my problems out here on BG. Haa... ... [snip!] ... And back to feeling so small. When does it go away for good?   Kudos if you got through all of this rambling... Ha."</blockquote>




Almost 2 years....just now feeling sane....my advice..do not force yourself to forgive him even if its really just you wanting to heal faster....nothing will take what he did away...what helped me was letting go of what I thought our past relationship was...accepting he was the same person who betrayed me and looking at mainly the present and how good of a man he had become...how good our relationship became after it. I had a lot of vivid nightmares from it the first year...honestly I think it gave me PTSD...you need to allow yourself to feel everything before you can move on...don't make up excuses...you need to let go and only you can discover how sadly

Quoting A*M*C:" You need to talk to him about it. It's obvious you're still not over it. And in all honesty, in my situation, ... [snip!] ... Sorry you're going through this. I wouldn't be able to forgive someone who cheated on me while I was pregnant with their child."

I guess I'm not over it. I thought I was, but I wouldn't still feel like this if I was. Ha. I bring it up sometimes, and just casually try to let him know I'm still hurt by it. He usually doesn't want to talk about it, but sometimes we do. He always ends up getting upset. Not in an angry way. Just bothered because he knows he smurfed up and that it'll probably always be in the back of both of our minds.

Quoting Mama Lizzy :]:" <blockquote><b>Quoting Chelsea Renae:</b>" I don't really have anyone to talk to about ... [snip!] ... to feel everything before you can move on...don't make up excuses...you need to let go and only you can discover how sadly"

This actually helped a lot.. Basically sums up how I feel exactly. So hopefully things get better with time. I think the dream I had last night stirred up a lot of the emotions I've been trying to bury. I want to be over it so badly. And I honestly thought I was. I hate this feeling.

Quoting Chelsea Renae:" Yeah, I just realized how obnoxiously long it is. lol.. It just sucks. Things seemed better, and then ... [snip!] ... four months ago..   It's not even that I don't trust him, really.. The pain of it happening is just still there, I guess."

Oh trust me, I know the feeling. If you'd like to message me about it, I have no problem filling you in and helping you.

Quoting Snotface♫[usmc]:" Oh trust me, I know the feeling. If you'd like to message me about it, I have no problem filling you in and helping you."

Thank you, I might just have to take you up on that!  

Quoting Chelsea Renae:" This actually helped a lot.. Basically sums up how I feel exactly. So hopefully things get better with ... [snip!] ... lot of the emotions I've been trying to bury. I want to be over it so badly. And I honestly thought I was. I hate this feeling."

You shouldn't bury anything dealing with this. That will just make it fester and will eat you up until you explode.

Quoting Snotface♫[usmc]:" You shouldn't bury anything dealing with this. That will just make it fester and will eat you up until you explode."

Yeah, I'm definitely starting to realize that.  

Chelsea I have been through a similar situation with my fiance and although it happened before I conceived I still do think about it I have so many questions like how did you get an erection to even be able to do that with her, and basically just how everything happened and why and honestly there is a way for some people to get over it and for some there isnt I know that it is gonna take alot of time and probably alot of proving for you to really put it past you I hope that you will get past it but if not just know you have a friend in me and Ill be here to help you in whatever way you need.