It's time for a separation

Well after almost 8 months of marriage and 5 years of being together, my husband and I are going to separate. Things haven't been good for awhile and we both were trying to hold onto our family instead of working on our relationship. We do great coparenting and get along as parents but when it comes to being a couple we are not good. It started off with a fight we were having for a week. When I asked my husband for his true feelings about our relationship he told me them. I was hurt, upset and shocked because deep down I actually felt the same. I yelled and screamed at him but in the end I was tired of pretending. We have agreed to do a trial separation and see where it takes us. Now my fear is that we are going to end up getting divorced and that's the last thing I want. I think we both need the time apart from each other to work on our own problems. I guess I just want to know about other people stories about separating. Does it ever come out positive? How do you handle the parenting aspect of it? Does it always lead to divorce? I'm leaving the state with our daughter in two weeks, to go stay with my sister. My husband is okay with it because he knows I don't have any family here for a support system. I know our daughter is going to miss him and I wish there was another way to go about this but leaving is my only option. Ugh this sucks  

We seperated and went to counseling. 7 years still married. Marriage is hard!! It is especially hard when kids are in the mix. Good luck!

Quoting Not tellin:" We seperated and went to counseling. 7 years still married. Marriage is hard!! It is especially hard when kids are in the mix. Good luck!"

Thank you! I hope it turns out good. I think our relationship needs this kind of shock to bring it back. He said I have shown more emotion these past couple of days then i have in a year. He felt neglected and so did I. I'm just hoping this turns out positive and we don't get divorced.

Not married but in a 8 yr relationship and counseling. Not "together" for a bit but saw each other every single day except for when I went away for training for a job for 2 weeks and 1 week in France.... other than that, seen each other every day since Oct 2004 LOL
And it's HARD hard hard. No counseling though we ALWAYS talked about it....
4 years ago it was BAD and then by year 5-6, we started to pull around... I mean we HATED each other by year #4 and my bf said that most people would have not looked back. We stuck together and went from hating each other so much and it being the worst, that we had no choice but to go full circle and be alright again... complete 360 LOL idk we are weird.

Quoting Proud_MaMa_:" Not married but in a 8 yr relationship and counseling. Not "together" for a bit but saw each other every ... [snip!] ... and it being the worst, that we had no choice but to go full circle and be alright again... complete 360 LOL idk we are weird."

We just recently got married. We have been through so much together. The first couple of years was tough but that's because our relationship was rushed. I had our daughter the day after our 1 year anniversary. I think this is our rock bottom and now we just need help getting back to the top. We love each other but we need the time apart.

Quoting Alfies Mama:" Thank you! I hope it turns out good. I think our relationship needs this kind of shock to bring it back. ... [snip!] ... days then i have in a year. He felt neglected and so did I. I'm just hoping this turns out positive and we don't get divorced."

Counseling opend our eyes to what each other is going thru. It was amazing what we learned about each other. You kinda get lost when kids come in the picture. We were on different levels and it was hard to get back on the same one. My husband was sturggling to fit into "family man" role. He felt our lives shouldn't change just because we had kids. He was always doing what he wanted when he wanted and didn't really think about the twins or myself. I was all about family everything and stopped doing things for myself. We have gone thru counseling two times. The second time was more of a "refresher" for our marriage but mostly for me. I went thru some scary stuff last summer with a ton of surgeries and such. I kinda got lost and paranoid about everything because I nearly lost my life.

At anyrate, it is a great tool and a valuable asset to utalize to save your marriage. Good Luck!

Quoting Not tellin:" Counseling opend our eyes to what each other is going thru. It was amazing what we learned about each ... [snip!] ... I nearly lost my life. At anyrate, it is a great tool and a valuable asset to utalize to save your marriage. Good Luck!"

We talked about doing counseling when I get back. I think it will help us. My husband is going through what your husband went through but he is having trouble transitioning into "relationship man". He loves his freedom and independence and never includes me in anything. That is what started our fight. I would love to go out and have no worries but it doesn't work like that. I booked our flight and got a separate account today. He seems like he is doubting the separation, like he wants to ask me to stay but I want him to see what life is like without me. I need to work on this anger I have towards him that I have buried deep down inside. We need to miss each other too. I'm just so nervous.

My husband and I separated for 6 months after being married for three years , two years later after the separation things couldn't be better . Good luck

Quoting Ashley B♥B Mom:" My husband and I separated for 6 months after being married for three years , two years later after the separation things couldn't be better . Good luck"

Thank you! I need to hear about the positive stories. It gives me hope that this will be good for us.

<blockquote><b>Quoting Alfies Mama:</b>" Thank you! I need to hear about the positive stories. It gives me hope that this will be good for us."</blockquote>



The thought of separation at the time was so scary but now I know that without that time apart to work on our issues , our marriage would have failed.

Quoting Alfies Mama:" We talked about doing counseling when I get back. I think it will help us. My husband is going through ... [snip!] ... work on this anger I have towards him that I have buried deep down inside. We need to miss each other too. I'm just so nervous."

It took my husband nearly 2 years to "grow up". He had to be willing to pull it together first. The counseling helped him get it back on track. He is now the best husband I could have dreamed of.