re: Boy too young to be disciplined at age 3!

well OBVIOUSLY everyone has a different way of parenting. reading this whole conversation opened my eyes as to why it may seem wrong to some people. but i honestly dont really care what you do with your kids. im done posting on this. its the same argument over and over. its just getting petty.

Quoting lindsayraye:" well OBVIOUSLY everyone has a different way of parenting. reading this whole conversation opened my eyes ... [snip!] ... really care what you do with your kids. im done posting on this. its the same argument over and over. its just getting petty."

Bye  

Quoting ma ♥:" I have alot of those articles on my favorites list too   I've linked them in numerous threads & everybody who spanks, ignores me. lol...."

Because it proves them wrong.

Quoting lindsayraye:" well OBVIOUSLY everyone has a different way of parenting. reading this whole conversation opened my eyes ... [snip!] ... really care what you do with your kids. im done posting on this. its the same argument over and over. its just getting petty."

How is it petty? Maybe you should do some research.

Quoting lindsayraye:" well OBVIOUSLY everyone has a different way of parenting. reading this whole conversation opened my eyes ... [snip!] ... really care what you do with your kids. im done posting on this. its the same argument over and over. its just getting petty."

I don't see why you are getting upset when no one starts to agree with you.

I spank when it's needed and I have my own reasons for it---not because I turned out fine when my parents did it. I think that's what most people are tying to point out. Is that that reasoning makes no sense.

Quoting ma ♥:" Spanking your child brings you one step closer. Getting physical with your child in any way, brings ... [snip!] ... you one step closer. I'm willing to bet at least half of the parents who abused their children just started out "spanking"."

True, but with numerous other families that line between spanking and abuse isn't met.

I understand where someone may be coming from if they believe that striking a child is or can be a sign of losing self-control over a parent's frustration, anger, exhaustion etc. But at the same time, I was around a handful of people who spanked their children, and I've never seen them cross the line to where they became abusive to their children. Heck, I know parents who used spanking as a last resort, which tells me they were at least wary of when and how they chose to spank their child.

To me, it isn't completely fair to see spanking in general as potentially abusive or violent. Alongside this, other parents' styles of discipline can easily escalate to abuse as spanking can. A lecture can turn into yelling, yelling can turn into screaming. Correcting a child can turn into relentlessly critiquing a child. Time-outs in a corner for minutes can turn into time-outs that last for hours. See what I mean?

Quoting PocketFullofSunshine:" True, but with numerous other families that line between spanking and abuse isn't met. I understand ... [snip!] ... critiquing a child. Time-outs in a corner for minutes can turn into time-outs that last for hours. See what I mean?"

There's a basic problem with "spanking" because it is meant to cause pain. So it can easily cross that boundary.

I've honestly never seen a "last resort", calm, "I'm spanking you because ______, this hurts me more than it hurts you", spank. Even people who say they use it as a last resort that's always the first threat out of their mouth. "Do you want a spanking?" (from my experience) And then when they're fed up with the situation they get up and spank. That's the only kind of spanking I've ever seen, with family/friends, strangers in public etc.

Quoting Philosoraptor.:" Time did an article on the negative consequences of spanking. But you know, since people turned out ... [snip!] ... or endorsed by the AAP, but what do they know? Not like they have degrees or have dedicated their lives to children. Oh wait."

I see what you mean. I mean, I myself don't agree with spanking (don't mean to constantly repeat myself lol). It isn't so much because of the negative effects it can leave on the child, though more often than not.

To me, when you spank a child or inflict momentary pain on the buttocks to show them that what they did is unacceptable or not right, you are thus teaching them to avoid the pain and the spanking by not repeating that action. And this is where I see spanking can become problematic. Now I will admit that I myself am not a parent right away, and will therefore try not to speak as if I have experienced the difficulties of parenting or how easy raising a child(ren) can be.

But from what I have always interpreted from those around me that are mothers and fathers, one of the essential tasks a parent must carry out is to not only teach their child right from wrong, but why a certain thing he/she has done is wrong, and must be changed or not repeated in order to make that something right. I believe a punishment or consequence must come with a clear idea as to why the child's action(s) is unacceptable and is thus being punished for it, and to me spanking doesn't do this. It teaches the child not what's morally right in society's and/or the parent's eyes and views, but to avoid being hit. Which, at the least, is something that won't always continue to be effective.

This is one of the main reasons as to why I hadn't always agreed with spanking as discipline. But again, to each his own.
I'm certainly not a mother, and will at least try to never judge a mother's or father's parenting styles and skills.
It's just my opinion.....

Quoting PocketFullofSunshine:" I see what you mean. I mean, I myself don't agree with spanking (don't mean to constantly repeat myself ... [snip!] ... and will at least try to never judge a mother's or father's parenting styles and skills. It's just my opinion..... "

Spanking taught me to lie.

Quoting Philosoraptor.:" Spanking taught me to lie."

Same here, if it was possible for me to do so. :/

I just never thought it worked with me when I was a kid. Just for some time so I could avoid pain.

Quoting Regina Phalange:" There's a basic problem with "spanking" because it is meant to cause pain. So it can easily cross that ... [snip!] ... they get up and spank. That's the only kind of spanking I've ever seen, with family/friends, strangers in public etc. "

I definitely see what you mean. I mean, I only disagree that spanking is abusive or is potentially abusive is all.
For me, swats on a child's bottom and just that (although there are definitely exceptions involving belts and other inappropriate aspects of the sort) don't strike me as something that can always easily escalate to physical abuse, is all...
True, a parent could lose her or his patience while disciplining their children and resort to spanking. But this can be a likely case in all kinds of disciplinary acts and parenting styles... :/

Quoting PocketFullofSunshine:" I definitely see what you mean. I mean, I only disagree that spanking is abusive or is potentially ... [snip!] ... children and resort to spanking. But this can be a likely case in all kinds of disciplinary acts and parenting styles... :/"

I guess I don't really see how. It would be much easier if you've already allowed yourself to cross the line between non physical discipline and physical discipline. All you'd have to do is be a little bit more frustrated one day and hit hard enough to make a mark. It would be much easier to do that than to just randomly start when you have never even allowed yourself the option of touching your child that way.

Quoting PocketFullofSunshine:" True, but with numerous other families that line between spanking and abuse isn't met. I understand ... [snip!] ... critiquing a child. Time-outs in a corner for minutes can turn into time-outs that last for hours. See what I mean?"

Bottom line is, I do not agree with anybody physically harming another human being. Including your child.

& I don't think there is such a thing as a 'last resort'... because if you are consistent with whatever method you use (time out, redirection, taking toys away), it WILL eventually work. Consistency is key, & most parents who spank are impatient & want a quick fix.

Oh my, that's ridiculous! I would've been so mad if that was my child he was hitting. Is mom is just plain stupid. He can u derstand right from wrong, the mother is just making excuses.