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A year ago today I was pregnant but hadn't realized it yet. If I hadn't gotten an abortion I would be a mom right now. If I had been strong enough to walk away BOTH times I would be a mom to a 6 year old, my 4 year old and a 3 month old right now. But I wasn't. I was a weak, pathetic excuse for a human being.

My chest hurts. I can't breathe. I can't cry. I hate myself so much right now. I wish more than anything that I could go back in time and change it ALL. But it hurts more than anything knowing that no matter how much I want and will it to change... it never will. SmUrf.

awwww   <3 <3 <3

*hugs*

 

*Hugs*
I know it's hard, just try to remember you made that decision for a reason.

You're far from weak, I promise.

I am so sorry Mama. *hugs* <3

Quoting Melissa~:" *Hugs* I know it's hard, just try to remember you made that decision for a reason. You're far from weak, I promise."

I keep telling myself that... but those reasons aren't relevant to me anymore.

Quoting Batman ♥:" I keep telling myself that... but those reasons aren't relevant to me anymore."

  I'm sorry. I know how hard it is to not beat yourself up. I've been through a similar situation, you can PM me if you need to vent about it. <3

Quoting Batman ♥:" I keep telling myself that... but those reasons aren't relevant to me anymore."

there is no way to tell the future, please dont beat yourself up.
what makes you think you were weak, or pathetic? would you call someone else weak or pathetic that did what you did, even if it were for the reasons you did?
no, because its not true.

please, dont think poorly of yourself.

again, if you wanted to talk, Im here. not sure if im the best at advise, but i can listen pretty well. I know sometimes we just need to unravel our thoughts in order to step past them. ive been tangled a few times myself.

either way, i really hope you come to peace with your decisions. you dont owe anybody anything, certainly not your guilt.

You are not pathetic. You did what you felt was right. Please remind yourself of that. If I hadnt gotten an abortion OR placed my son for adoption I would be a mom to a 5 year old, soon to be 3 year old and soon to be 1 year old.

You did what you felt was right. It does not make you less of a person.  
HUGS. I know how you feel. Keep your head up mama.

I was pathetic and weak for allowing someone to influence me enough to do something I knew in my heart I didn't want to do.

Quoting Batman ♥:" I was pathetic and weak for allowing someone to influence me enough to do something I knew in my heart I didn't want to do."

this is heartbreaking.
im sorry.

I dont want to sound like i am making excuses for you, but i know what its like to not know what to do, then be pressured into a decision you know you will regret. I was pregnant when i was 18, found out a month after BD and i broke up. didnt have a person in the world aside from my best friend, who was not strong enough to face this situation with me. It really is tough, and i dont blame him either. i was so scared and alone i never hated myself or my life more. my parents said if i was pregnant (i didnt tell them but my mom didnt see pads in the trash for over amonth) that they were in no way helping and i would have to quit school and find some way to support myself and the child.
i didnt abort, technically-but got into somethings that caused a miscarriage.

i hated myself for years after that. years.
i remember coming to my due date and thinking-i would be a mom now.
a mom. my emotions got the best of me, i started actually considering myself pro life because how much this hurt me. it took a long time to get over.

it isnt the same situation, im sure. but being pressured into doing something that you are not mentally capable of doing, its horrible on the other persons part. like why cant they just connect with you and see that the problem doesnt just "go away"

rick wanted me to abort when i got pregnant with logan. i couldnt....keeping him was selfish, i see now-because of our situation. but i know i would not have been able to abort.

then a few months ago i got pregnant again, and this time i was strong enough to face it, and i decided it was best for the family that i abort. it took a long time to get over hurting from the first loss, to be in a place where i could make a decision like that. i hope you can find the same strength and peace i have with what has happened.

i dont know if my story helps at all, maybe it makes it wose idk.

Quoting Batman ♥:" I was pathetic and weak for allowing someone to influence me enough to do something I knew in my heart I didn't want to do."

I know what you mean. With my abortion, my ex [who it wasnt his kid] told me abortion or I will never be with you again.. so I did abortion. I know how oyu feel but you cant hold yourself to that.

Quoting cunning cuniculi:" this is heartbreaking. im sorry. I dont want to sound like i am making excuses for you, but i know ... [snip!] ... the same strength and peace i have with what has happened. i dont know if my story helps at all, maybe it makes it wose idk."

It doesn't make it worse at all. Thank you for sharing. One of the other mamas suggested that I go to counseling. And I think that is a very good idea for me.

Thank you for the support ladies <3

Quoting Yurvon [♥]:" I know what you mean. With my abortion, my ex [who it wasnt his kid] told me abortion or I will never be with you again.. so I did abortion. I know how oyu feel but you cant hold yourself to that. "

That is the hardest thing for me to deal with. But I know I will someday. I am determined to find some way. I can't live like this anymore.

Quoting Batman ♥:" It doesn't make it worse at all. Thank you for sharing. One of the other mamas suggested that I go to counseling. And I think that is a very good idea for me. Thank you for the support ladies <3"

I did go to counseling when i got encredibly depressed. didnt help me much, but everyone is certainly different.

i hope you do get the help you need, in whatever form will work for you.

<3