I miss my dad *long*

Yesterday we had court to sentence the man who killed my dad (drunk driving accident). And they postponed it again!! It's like the guy (who has actually been a close family friend for nearly 10 years) is TRYING to just drag it out as long as possible. You know you're going to prison, just GO! It's so hard on the family and especially my mom to keep having these hearings where they come up with another reason that we have to wait and go back again.

And on top of that I'm just about into my 8th month of pregnancy, it's not fun to keep doing all this smurf when I should be able to move on and get ready for my baby girl. I don't even mean it to sound selfish, I love and miss my dad so much. And that's why I wish court was done with, because it's not fair to keep reliving his death over and over. I'm tired of thinking of the details I just want to try to heal. And I don't even see that happening. He died on our property so I see the spot every day of my life just about  

Everything makes me think of him. I can't even think of McDonald's without crying some days. My dad LOVED it and he rarely ate there, so when he did he ate enough for like 3 people   I just wish we could do what we used to, go to the dentist and then after go out to McDonald's or wherever. And talk. We didn't always talk really openly but the last couple years got better. I was always a major daddy's girl but that's why I didn't talk about any "bad" things I did. But we even talked about drinking before (and how he knew I did sometimes), he told me he smoked weed with our neighbor, and a bunch of crazy smurf he did when he lived in Detroit. I didn't get to know enough  

He was an amazing outdoors-man. He loved to hunt and fish. I went with him a lot, and he taught me so much. But it's not enough. He should be here now, showing SO how to do all that now that I'm pregnant. He should get to help set up his first grandchild's room, get to see his baby have her first baby. Get to hold and love his granddaughter. He was a sucker for kids, loved them. I know he'd spoil her, she'd be grandpa's girl.

I hate this whole situation. He got taken away and he did the right thing! In the car with the drunk driver, he wore his seat belt (he NEVER did that-must have been nervous   )! The impact from the seat belt locking made part of his heart rupture :'( The driver didn't wear his seat belt, he got tossed in the backseat during the crash and lived, not a scratch on him.

I just miss my dad, his 54th birthday was the 20th, and it was really hard   One of the worst parts of all this is all I imagine all the time is all of our fights and hateful words. I would take it all back if I could. I didn't even see him the day he died :/

Sorry this is so long. I could've added more but I'm basically crying and I don't feel like explaining to people over here why I'm at the computer bawling.

I love him so much <3

I'm so sorry for your loss.  

Quoting Puff the Magic Dragon!:" I'm so sorry for your loss.   "

Thank you  

i cant imagine, im so sorry...

You make me want to call my dad. Your father sounds like a wonderful man and im sorry your time with him was cut short.

I am so sorry for what you are going through. Its so hard to have someone taken from u so suddenly. I never got to say goodbye to my grandpa.. he was in the hospital with cancer and they said i was too little to see him   itll be 20 years this august and i still miss him everyday. Try and read the book "The Shack". Its a very good book for helping u understand the loss you are feeling. I read it a few months ago and it actually made me feel better. And even though u are having a girl... Can u maybe somehow give her a middle name that similar to your dads name? A way to honor him and the relationship u two had...

Quoting cunning cuniculi:" i cant imagine, im so sorry... You make me want to call my dad. Your father sounds like a wonderful man and im sorry your time with him was cut short."

Thank you. And do it   I wish I talked to my dad more, last summer I bounced between home and SO's parents' house. So I made an effort to see him, but man if I knew it was the last summer, I'd have been there every single day.

And thank you again, he was great. He had flaws, like any other person. We fought too much, he drank too much, I was a teenage girl (lol). But really I wish I had taken advantage of what I had, I'm so lucky to have at least had him for 18 years. Almost exactly, too- he died one month 4 days after I turned 18 :/

Quoting ~*Mommy of 5*~:" I am so sorry for what you are going through. Its so hard to have someone taken from u so suddenly. ... [snip!] ... Can u maybe somehow give her a middle name that similar to your dads name? A way to honor him and the relationship u two had..."

Thank you, it really is too. And I'm sorry   Sometimes we wonder what's worse-knowing someone's going and watch them go downhill; or have no idea it's the last time you'll ever see them and the bam, they're gone   Either way there's no comparison, it's still a loved one  

And I'll look for that, thank you   My mom's read all of her religious books about losing people, but I never thought I was ready. I think now I might be though. I need some sort of understanding for this.

And we tried, his name was Jeffrey Paul- not much to work with. No Jeff girl names and as much as I do want to honor him Paulina or Paula are just not my style and they don't go with any of our first name choices really. (I've tried but most of the names I like end in A so to me it has that repetitive sound  
One way though is I just really want to have her have my last name, I'm not married and that way until I'm ready and get married, we'll both have his name still.