re: herpes...

Quoting Val is PREGNANT ^.^:" Maybe if you did it you wouldn't be so uptight and let such non-sense anger you!     "

I'm not angry - I just feel bad for the OP who is in a horrible spot right now and you come in here making light of it.

Quoting LolaMcKitten:" I'm not angry - I just feel bad for the OP who is in a horrible spot right now and you come in here making light of it."

Oh okay gotcha!

Quoting ~Julie Blue Eyes~:" <blockquote><b>Quoting InnocencesDemise:</b>" wow doing mary jane is a big deal? really? ... [snip!] ... cant this just stay on topic instead of name calling an schoolhouse drama like this."</blockquote> You are......??"

does that really matter. i was here to help someone and all i find is drama and someone still looking for an answer to her question.

Quoting GlowWormsMommy:" I'm seriously impressed with your ability to be such an adult. I hope her using meth isn't hurting ... [snip!] ... so any time you want to PM me feel free. I have a feeling your thread is about to get highjacked, which is a smurfing shame."

its ok. i just skim past the other conversation in my thread. people are going to do and say what they want to. i appreciate all of the help and advice. it is a lot to be taking on. and its very trying to my patience and i know it will only get worse at times. I am hoping that between the herpes and the meth this baby somehow beats the odds and comes out okay. but im alright with adopting them either way. they are my kids sibling and they deserve a GOOD mother. I have my doubts on if i will hold anything against them for being a "love child" or whatever... but i think my momma instincts are just too much. the baby didnt do anything wrong. I kind of just want the BM to go away and let us have the baby. and she goes back and forth about wanting the baby as well... BUT... who knows. there is a lot up in the air right now. preparing myself for all possible outcomes is my best bet

Quoting Miss Julie:" its ok. i just skim past the other conversation in my thread. people are going to do and say what they ... [snip!] ... as well... BUT... who knows. there is a lot up in the air right now. preparing myself for all possible outcomes is my best bet"

It's good to keep it real with yourself about the possibility of feelings of resentment, but I think you sound like a woman with a very big heart, and that once you see the baby, and it fully hits you that he or she didn't have any choice in how it was conceived and who it's bio parents all, any negative feelings towards the baby will fall away. Might not be the same with your husband, especially when the babymomma drama is bad..was the break up between you and DH mutual, or did one of you want it more?

On the plus side, he probably will never want to lose you again after this nonsense.

My SO has it, we've been together for over a year, and I have yet to catch it.

We have sex without protection (I mean, we conceived, so that was kind of obvious though I guess condoms break), and when he has an outbreak we either refrain from sex or use a condom. During his outbreaks we use hand sanitizer obsessively. He takes Valtrex during his outbreaks, and that's supposed to make him less contagious.

Him having herpes doesn't bother me at all. I don't view him as nasty or anything, and when he doesn't have an outbreak going on I have no issue giving him oral sex. I guess when you really care about someone, something like herpes isn't a big deal.

Now, I have heard of viral shedding, where they are contagious and not having an outbreak. Though, it hasn't happened to us.

Quoting GlowWormsMommy:" It's good to keep it real with yourself about the possibility of feelings of resentment, but I think ... [snip!] ... mutual, or did one of you want it more? On the plus side, he probably will never want to lose you again after this nonsense."

it was mutual.... we were just bad for each other at the time. i resented him for doing wrong by me for so long and we just kept digging ourselves deeper into a horrible life. it had to stop. weve been apart for almost a year. worked on ourselves apart and the love never died. we never stopped loving each other just knew we werent ready to be together yet. and finally we decided that we wanted to try to be together and work on US together as well as US apart from each other. then literally a week later he gets his positive test for herpes... and when he called to ask the girl about it she told him she was pregnant. and yeah... he does appreciate it. he knows nobody else would tolerate this. i barely can.

i worry a lot more about her being in our lives than this baby. having another woman in his life forever... just... is harder to take than the baby itself honestly. and like i said... even if he and i dont work out i would still adopt the baby if given the option. baby deserves better than an addicted momma who isnt even sure she wants them. i just dont see her being able to take good care of a baby. none the less a high needs one

Quoting The Inconspicuous Raccoon:" My SO has it, we've been together for over a year, and I have yet to catch it. We have sex without protection ... [snip!] ... Now, I have heard of viral shedding, where they are contagious and not having an outbreak. Though, it hasn't happened to us."

yeah i was more questioning the extent of how careful to be as sometimes an outbreak isnt obvious. or like you said you can catch it with just contact.... so i was wondering about oral.. and like if i touched him. skin to skin. would i need to worry about immediately washing my hands... etc...

Quoting Miss Julie:" it was mutual.... we were just bad for each other at the time. i resented him for doing wrong by me ... [snip!] ... who isnt even sure she wants them. i just dont see her being able to take good care of a baby. none the less a high needs one"

Just read through your profile. You guys went through a LOT together, and have two beautiful daughters. I completely agree though, that baby deserves a mother like you, whether or not you get back together with your husband. I am kind of hoping it ends up working out though, lol. Sometimes time apart can help, and it sounds like you both realized you're happy with each other. This woman though..she sounds like a complete nut. I hope for your sake and the babies she signs rights over to you guys. Ugh, I'm sorry your husband and you are stuck in such an awful situation..I'm still very impressed though. No one else would tolerate this as well as you are.

Quoting Miss Julie:" yeah i was more questioning the extent of how careful to be as sometimes an outbreak isnt obvious. ... [snip!] ... about oral.. and like if i touched him. skin to skin. would i need to worry about immediately washing my hands... etc... "

When I touch him and he isn't having an outbreak, I usually don't even think twice. I treat it as though he doesn't have an STD. When he has an outbreak and I accidentally touch I immediately wash my hands or use sanitizer.

Also, when you give him oral sex, make sure he feels alright. Usually before an outbreak they'll feel a little under the weather. My SO usually has outbreaks after he drinks, due to the alcohol screwing up his immune system and also when he gets sick (like has a cold). Maybe talk to him to see if he has certain things that trigger his outbreaks.

when I'm about to have an outbreak, I get really sore. Valtrex helps a lot, I'm on the daily dose. Lysene also seems to help some people, but it did not help me. Also, abreva, when applied to a sore, seems to shorten the outbreak just like with a regular cold sore. Stress brings on outbreaks for me, so try to get him to see what his triggers are.

Herpes isn't life threatening. It's an inconvenience. It sucks, but life goes on for sure. Has he had an outbreak? Or has he only tested positive? The reason I ask is because the test doesn't separate what TYPE of herpes he has, and if he has cold sores, he will test positive. My dr refused to give me a blood test because it's very unreliable. I was told the only way for sure to diagnose it is to swab a lesion. And let me tell you, that hurts like a smurfer.

Quoting Amberchik78:" when I'm about to have an outbreak, I get really sore. Valtrex helps a lot, I'm on the daily dose. Lysene ... [snip!] ... I was told the only way for sure to diagnose it is to swab a lesion. And let me tell you, that hurts like a smurfer. "

he was not typed no. im not sure what they did. he didnt say. just said he was diagnosed with genital herpes. i did ask him to get it typed though. he has not had an outbreak yet. he just had the general STD testing and this came back positive.

Quoting Miss Julie:" he was not typed no. im not sure what they did. he didnt say. just said he was diagnosed with genital ... [snip!] ... him to get it typed though. he has not had an outbreak yet. he just had the general STD testing and this came back positive."

well, that is interesting, for sure.

My SO had it for a year before he gave it to me. Just avoid any sexual contact when he feels like he may be getting an outbreak. I can usually tell a couple days before.