My 4 year old - help!

*sigh*

My 4 year old is a very sweet, but very strong-willed little girl. She has an incredible giving heart, and she doesn't really care about "stuff" all that much. She's been refusing to clean her toys up, and she was told last night that she would be losing all of her toys. Her response?

*shrugs* Okay, I'll lose my toys. I'll earn them back when I really want them again.

Seriously, kid? Is she just super logical, or what? So, I'm taking her toys. I'm leaving her books, educational puzzles, and music. She's also getting zero cartoons.

When she earns a toy back (by doing chores) she has to tell me which toy she wants, whatever is left/she forgets about...we're donating. If you think that's evil, oh well.

So, a few questions.

1. Is she just super logical or what? She is not real "materialistic" to start with, so maybe she just really doesn't care if she has her toys taken away *sigh*. What then? She gets no cartoons until she earns her toys back, so I guess that may turn into the motivator. But have you ever had to take away a child's books? I can't imagine that, but man, that'd kill her I think.

2. She has a little brother, I'm not taking his toys away....what do I do if she's just playing with his and not caring about hers?

Advice?

If she doesn't care about them, I would take away something she cares more about, so she will change her behavior hopefully. Like my oldest loves video games, and if he was punished I will take those away from him. He is still young, but if he acts up in preschool or something when he starts, I will probably take away tv and video games.

Quoting Fertile Mertile + D & C:" If she doesn't care about them, I would take away something she cares more about, so she will change ... [snip!] ... He is still young, but if he acts up in preschool or something when he starts, I will probably take away tv and video games."

She enjoys cartoons. I really think that by telling her, "No cartoons until you earn your toys back" will be the motivator.

She just doesn't care about stuff, ya know. She likes her toys, she takes good care of them and she plays with them...but her favorite game to play is "donation" to pretend to pick toys to give to other kids.

They are all gone now, and she's been made known how she can earn them back. We'll see.

Quoting momma snell:" She enjoys cartoons. I really think that by telling her, "No cartoons until you earn your toys back" ... [snip!] ... to pick toys to give to other kids. They are all gone now, and she's been made known how she can earn them back. We'll see. "

Yeah sounds like it will work. Good luck! I'm not looking forward to those days, uggh.

Btw what age do you think is good for starting them with chores? My son will be 3 in a few weeks, but I want to start giving him simple things to do.

Quoting Fertile Mertile + D & C:" Yeah sounds like it will work. Good luck! I'm not looking forward to those days, uggh. Btw what age ... [snip!] ... is good for starting them with chores? My son will be 3 in a few weeks, but I want to start giving him simple things to do."

My 19 month old has to help when we do chores. I give him a rag and he "cleans" little things (the table, he'll wipe the door...whatever it is, as long as he thinks he's helping.) At 3 I had simple chores for her, she picked 1 every morning. And then at night had to have all toys cleaned up.

Quoting momma snell:" My 19 month old has to help when we do chores. I give him a rag and he "cleans" little things (the table, ... [snip!] ... he's helping.) At 3 I had simple chores for her, she picked 1 every morning. And then at night had to have all toys cleaned up."

He already likes to help sweep and scrub things with a wipe, but he doesn't really know how to sweep.

My daughter was the same way at 4. She just didn't care when I took her smurf away. She entertained herself with a fiber from the carpet, if it meant not doing what she was told.
And, I took all the toys away, even though the other kids didn't misbehave. I let them keep their special stuffed animals, but I didn't want to risk my oldest's punishment falling through (which it always did, anyhow, because she dgaf).

She's grown out of that the last few months, though. She's starting to care more about material things and what not. I think that just comes with age.

I think part of it is just the age. My now 5 year old went thru it too. This is when I started giving him an allowance and he had chores he had to do -make his bed, clean his toys up before bed, dust window sills, feed the cats---and he gets $2 on Saturdays if everything was done. It really helped. It also has the side benefit of learning how to save for things he wants and also how to count money.

Good luck.  

I agree with the other moms, you need to find something she truly loves and use that  

I once threatened to take every single toy away from my daughter if she did not clean up her mess.
I had to seriously contemplate the logistics of following through.
Because I am as stubborn as she and would have stayed up the entire night just to ensure I did it   

Quoting Nietzsche:" I think part of it is just the age. My now 5 year old went thru it too. This is when I started giving ... [snip!] ... helped. It also has the side benefit of learning how to save for things he wants and also how to count money. Good luck.  "

She gets money at the end of the week for her chores (not much, but she doesn't know that.) She has to put a little in her save account, a little in her spend account, and a little in her give account.

Quoting .Colleen.:" I agree with the other moms, you need to find something she truly loves and use that   I once ... [snip!] ... through. Because I am as stubborn as she and would have stayed up the entire night just to ensure I did it   "

So....

If she doesn't ever try to earn her toys back (they are ALL gone. She has ZERO in her room.) She has a bed, and a lamp. Then I should take away her books, library trips, and preschool time?

I say good luck....she sounds like my daughter. She started the whole not caring and said the exact samething when she was 3-4 she is now 10 and still could nor give a rats ass about loosing toys TV outside or anything for that matter.

She once lost all her toys for a month and TV she had no care in the world over it. She just read and did homework all the time. She does chores too to earn.stuff back...but has daily chores she gets b
paid for lol

But ya I say good luck and hope it works better fir your daughter then mine lol

Quoting Coupon Lady:" I say good luck....she sounds like my daughter. She started the whole not caring and said the exact samething ... [snip!] ... has daily chores she gets b paid for lol But ya I say good luck and hope it works better fir your daughter then mine lol"

This sounds like my future. She's currently teaching her brother her ABCs and is perfectly happy. She even told her brother, "Matthew, I lost all my toys, but I can earn them back. If I don't earn them back, they will be donated. Isn't that wonderful!"  

Quoting momma snell:" So.... If she doesn't ever try to earn her toys back (they are ALL gone. She has ZERO in her room.) She has a bed, and a lamp. Then I should take away her books, library trips, and preschool time? "

I wouldn't take educational experiences away. I really get how you feel, and sometimes there's just no give on their end. Luckily, it's just a phase. It'll try your nerves, but it gets better eventually. All I can really say from my own experience is to stick it out until she gives.

Quoting ♀NoBoysAllowed:" I wouldn't take educational experiences away. I really get how you feel, and sometimes there's just ... [snip!] ... try your nerves, but it gets better eventually. All I can really say from my own experience is to stick it out until she gives."

Yea, I can't take away her education stuff...I just...can't do it!

I'm more stubborn than she is, she's not getting these toys (or cartoons) until she does what I asked.