I don't want to be a mom anymore

I am so miserable.
I'm 18 and LO is 1 year old. When I got pregnant I was 16 and the father had raped me in my sleep, and didn't offer to help pay for an abortion, he just disappeared. I told my parents and they said that they wouldn't authorize or pay for me to get an abortion, so my only option would be to take them to court to get authorization or I could run away to a state that would do it.. Abortion never worked out so I changed my mind to giving the baby up for adoption and I was set on it but my parents also didn't support me to do that either, they even told me that after the baby was born they could take custody of it if I said that I wanted to give it up for adoption, whether I agreed to it or not, and I believed them. I did not want my child to grow up thinking that I'm their sister so I decided to have the child and just keep custody of them.

The father never expressed any interest in being in the child's life and my parents were fine with it, they didn't even want him involved so they paid for pretty much everything that I needed to have the baby, and still pay for everything. My parents and I don't get along at all though. My mother is constantly putting me down and making me feel like I'm not good enough, and she really does treat my siblings differently than she treats me, and not in a good way. Ever since I started puberty we would not get along because I would make stupid decisions, or start listening to music she didn't like and wearing clothes she didn't approve of. When I started smoking pot she just lost any respect that she had for me, even told me several times that I wasn't her child anymore and that I was my dad's problem. I saw keeping the baby as my way of finally doing something that would make her happy. I felt like she would forgive me for everything that I had done in the past and finally see me as a good daughter, which it did for a while. She would tell me how proud she was of me for going through this and how I was doing such a good thing, but I always had lingering regrets. My whole pregnancy and up to this point I still have lingering regrets. LO's father just recently came forward and said that they want to be in LO's life, which is devastating me but there's really nothing that I can do because my mother didn't support me in pressing rape charges against him either and the detectives ended up just not even contacting me back. My parents and I still don't get along and they've managed to get temporary custody of LO while we both were in a different state away from my parents. At first I wanted to fight it so that I could keep custody of LO and get far away from my parents, but now I don't think that I can do it.

The thought of being a mother at this point in my life depresses me, and makes me wish that I had no life at all. The only time that I'm actually content and patient with my child is when I'm high. When I'm sober I'm miserable and everyone around me notices. I drag myself out of bed everyday and force myself to do anything productive. My mother bickers with me for no reason and is constantly throwing the fact that I smoke pot in my face. I've tried to better myself by finding a job and cleaning around the house more but it doesn't seem like anything that I do ever satisfies her. My brother steals their car, is physically and verbally abusive with everyone in the family, and has recently been caught "breaking in" my grandparents' house that we used to live in and smoking cigars and what my grandparents think is weed but my mother doesn't believe that he really did anything wrong. It's like everyone else in our family is perfect, but me. I went out and got myself a job and she doesn't give two smurfs about it, but she's obsessed with my sister's struggle to stay in college and my brother's slipping grades. It's like nothing that I can do is good enough for her and now I have this child who my parents adore, but most of the time I'm even home with her I'm depressed and can't wait till my next chance to leave. I feel horrible that I brought her into this family. I wish that I wouldn't had listened to my parents and had just gotten an abortion somehow. I just wish that I could leave until I had my smurf together and come get my child, but I can't just do that. I feel so guilty for never wanting to be at home, and I try to take LO with me whenever I leave but my mother hardly ever lets me leave with LO because she doesn't trust me. They don't even let me use their cars. I just feel like a horrible person. I feel like I've ruined my chance at finally getting away from my family and finding somewhere that I'm happy. I feel so stuck in this life that I don't want to live, and it's making me so depressed that I'm just waiting until I finally die.

Quoting BG Secrets:" I am so miserable. I'm 18 and LO is 1 year old. When I got pregnant I was 16 and the father had raped ... [snip!] ... so stuck in this life that I don't want to live, and it's making me so depressed that I'm just waiting until I finally die. "

This is so sad, but at least you are admitting you are not a fit mother. If you don't want to be a mother, you prob shouldn't be. Give that baby to someone who wants to be there, whether it's your own mother or not.

There are safe haven laws out there, and i am sure that they can find a great place for your kid. Also i would go talk to someone about the problems you are having they might be able to help out.

http://www.statuteoflimitations.net/arizona_statute_of_limitations.htm there is no statute of limitations on rape mama talk to the police get a hold of legal aide don't stop until you find someone who will listen you have a baby and that dna sample won't deteriorate

uhhhh... Who in their right mind can seriously say they don't want to be a mom anymore?! I just don't get it.. My child means everything in the world to me.. I would suggest growing up and taking responsibility for yourself and your kid.. Move out of that house if your mother is making you feel that way.. I'm sure you'll be happier, and maybe be a better mother, and if not then do something about it.. I don't want to hear about someone putting their child in danger again just because they are being selfish! It's not just you anymore!

Quoting BG Secrets:" I am so miserable. I'm 18 and LO is 1 year old. When I got pregnant I was 16 and the father had raped ... [snip!] ... so stuck in this life that I don't want to live, and it's making me so depressed that I'm just waiting until I finally die. "

Big Hugs!

It may not be that you don't want to be a mother. You probably just want to parent without your parents control, and thats something I understand.

*Big hugs*

Sounds like you were pressured into being a mother way before you wanted.

All I have to say is to get counseling. I'm sorry your mother is the way she is. I would be livid to anyone who did that to my daughter.

I'm so sorry   I really wish you good luck..

You're 18, your mom has no say if you want to put your child up for adoption. If you really feel that you aren't ready to be a parent, and you dont want LO with your family, then you can try to find her a wonderful family that will raise her without the drama.

Quoting Nicole Hilt:" uhhhh... Who in their right mind can seriously say they don't want to be a mom anymore?! I just don't ... [snip!] ... want to hear about someone putting their child in danger again just because they are being selfish! It's not just you anymore!"

Good idea, I'll just move out. I mean I do have that money tree in back yard and I smurf gold bricks every morning.  

and I'm NOT harming my child. I take care of her and play with her, she loves me as much as I love her.

Quoting BG Secrets:" I am so miserable. I'm 18 and LO is 1 year old. When I got pregnant I was 16 and the father had raped ... [snip!] ... so stuck in this life that I don't want to live, and it's making me so depressed that I'm just waiting until I finally die. "

Mama, it sounds like you really need to get into some therapy and talk to someone. Like someone said, if there's not statute of limitations you NEED to keep calling and find someone to talk to. Look into women's shelters and ask if they can direct you to counseling. Call your local DHHR and ask about mental health services.

It's okay to feel like that, especially with all you've been through. Dont' let ANYONE tell you you're a bad person. You haven't ruined any chances of getting away from a toxic environment, at all. You can do this, mama. Get the help you need. If that means relinquishing custody while you get on your feet, that is okay. But please, please seek mental health services for counseling and talk about the situation!

Quoting Nicole Hilt:" uhhhh... Who in their right mind can seriously say they don't want to be a mom anymore?! I just don't ... [snip!] ... want to hear about someone putting their child in danger again just because they are being selfish! It's not just you anymore!"

She made it pretty clear she didn't want the baby to begin with. Some women just dont want to be moms. My cousin was like that, she never loved her kids and they all ended up being adopted out.

Quoting Nicole Hilt:" uhhhh... Who in their right mind can seriously say they don't want to be a mom anymore?! I just don't ... [snip!] ... want to hear about someone putting their child in danger again just because they are being selfish! It's not just you anymore!"

Well good for you. Let me see if there is a prize or a cookie around here....

If you can't be supportive than you should GTFO

<blockquote><b>Quoting Nicole Hilt:</b>" uhhhh... Who in their right mind can seriously say they don't want to be a mom anymore?! I just don't ... [snip!] ... want to hear about someone putting their child in danger again just because they are being selfish! It's not just you anymore!"</blockquote>




She didn't want a child in the first place. Did you not read it? Her parents pretty much forced her to become one, she was raped and they didn't support her.

Quoting Nicole Hilt:" uhhhh... Who in their right mind can seriously say they don't want to be a mom anymore?! I just don't ... [snip!] ... want to hear about someone putting their child in danger again just because they are being selfish! It's not just you anymore!"

From the sounds of it, she was never ready to be a mother she felt like she had no other choice. Not everyone is ready to be a mother when they get pregnant, and I can't even imagine being raped and then forced into parenting. She needs support, not someone telling her she's crazy for feeling this way.

Quoting anonymom + 1.5:" Mama, it sounds like you really need to get into some therapy and talk to someone. Like someone said, ... [snip!] ... you get on your feet, that is okay. But please, please seek mental health services for counseling and talk about the situation!"

The statute of limitations is 7 years in my state, but I don't know how they would prove that I was really raped unless they had actual evidence, just a dna wouldn't prove it, all it would prove was that we actually had sex.