Suicide

*This is going to be a post & run.. I have an early class and need to try to get to sleep. I'll answer in the morning*

If someone you were close to committed suicide, how did you cope? I know you will never fully be "over it" but does it ever get easier? When?

My friend Ali committed suicide last week and I just found out this past Friday. The way she chose to do it was extremely graphic and disturbing and something that I won't share publicly out of respect for her family as very few people were made aware.

I think a big reason I am having a hard time coping besides the fact that she was a good friend is that there was no wake or services open to the public and she was cremated so there is no grave site. Her family did not make anyone aware until after her services had past and I believe this is due to the nature of her death. She struggled her whole life with mental illnesses (depression, bipolar, etc) and her aunt told me that they wanted to do a showing of all her artwork around the time of her birthday to honor her and raise awareness but that isn't until October.

I just don't know what to do with myself. Every morning when I wake up, I have to remind myself that I can't call or text her and then it all replays in my mind. I think about her final moments on Earth and it just eats at me. There's so much I never got to tell her. I would have helped her with anything. I would have done anything to make her feel better. I know that I couldn't have "fixed" her but I would have held her hand every day she felt alone.

I keep re-reading our most recent conversation we had on Facebook and keep messaging her, telling her just random things I want her to know even though I know she'll never see them. Or talking about our inside jokes.. just because it makes me feel better on some level to feel like I'm "talking to her".....

Sorry for rambling.. I just need some advice because nobody I know has ever gone through this with someone so close to them  

my neighbor that ive known since birth stood in front of a train and i girl i went to HS with and had a daughter one month older than my son hung herself right before her daughters birthday.....i was surprised but kind of expected it.

Quoting Joshie's Mama!:" my neighbor that ive known since birth stood in front of a train and i girl i went to HS with and had ... [snip!] ... one month older than my son hung herself right before her daughters birthday.....i was surprised but kind of expected it."

That's awful.

This was actually really unexpected even though I was aware of her depression but only because she really seemed like she tried so hard to get better. I just never thought it would end this way.

Quoting ♕Cupcαke[Queen:" That's awful. This was actually really unexpected even though I was aware of her depression but only ... [snip!] ... depression but only because she really seemed like she tried so hard to get better. I just never thought it would end this way."

the girl i went to HS with suffered from eating disorders, drugs, depression etc...once she had her daughter she changed into a new person....but her fiancee was cheating on her and that sent her off the edge, she OD'd on coke then hung herself the next day...i was surprised but she must have had some deep issues that she couldnt deal with.

My brother committed suicide in September of last year, I actually found him. There was a small service for him, but he was cremated, as well. That kills me, because I wish I could go "talk to him" there, you know? I was pregnant at the time, so it was hard to try to keep my stress level down.  
I honestly can't say that you get "over it" because it honestly hurts every day (we were very, very close), but it does get easier with time. I miss him, of course, and there are moments when I ask myself what I could have done.. but as cliche as it sounds, I try to think of the good times we had. I find comfort knowing the amazing relationship we had, I know that I meant a lot to him, and he knew that he meant the world to me. I cry still, and I miss him so much, but again, it gets "easier". I know I have to focus on my children and my life, and moving forward. You can't dwell on the why of her absence, but remember her presence and what she means to you.

I'm sorry for your loss, I truly am. I know how it feels, and it is so hard. I find it hard to put into words like this, it's still hard for me, but I hope it helps at least a little. I'm here if you need to talk. <3

my stepdad (who has been around since i was 1 yr old) attempted suicide multiple times and ended up in the psych ward, i know i didn't actually lose him BUT i witnessed one of his attempts   it was the scariest thing i have ever seen in my life, i was 13... he overdosed he took 70+ pills over a 2 day period until his body gave out on him... i remember it as if it was yesterday (i'm 22 now) *warning might be too graphic for some people..* i remember hearing my mother screaming ''No" and i woke up and ran into their room and he was unconscious but still puking, it was coming out his mouth and nose, i grabbed the phone to call 911 because my mother was a big fat useless blob that did nothing but stand there screaming... i checked his pulse, nothing (it may have been there but i was 13 and by no means a professional but i couldn't find it..) his lips were turning blue eyes rolled into the back of his head, the 911 operator was giving me instructions to get him on the ground (again the useless blob did nothing..) so i grabbed him by his ankles and pulled with all my might got him onto the floor, he wasn't wearing any clothes which was shocking to me, i had never seen a man naked, but i tried to ignore it and make sure he was okay, i remember just scooping puke out of his mouth/nose trying to get him to breathe, finally the paramedics got there he died 3 times while they were at the house they were trying to stabilize him for transport, after they got him stable they rushed him to the hospital he died on the way... he was in the cardiac ICU (im not exactly sure the name) but we were unsure he was gonna make it for a while there, everybody kept telling me i was a ''hero'' or ''if i wasn't there he would have died'' i am just thankful it was me there and not my little sister, it still haunts me not a day goes by that it doesn't cross my mind, the way i cope is knowing he made it, idk what i would have done if he had died, i probably would have a lot of issues blaming myself and what not ....

i had to go to counseling for a while afterwards, i don't think there is really anything that will fully help you get over something traumatic but there is things to help you cope, seek counseling, and the best thing i can thing of is due something in honor of her, the showing of her artwork is a good example. i'm really sorry for your loss, i know there really isn't anything anybody can say to bring her back and make you feel better about this, it'll take time to deal with, just take it day by day.. again i'm sorry my heart goes out to you and everybody involved  

When I was younger, my God mother committed suicide. She was addicted to pain killers for her bad back, to the point where it made her a little crazy. My mom had told her that she didn't want her around my twin sister and I until she was better. She did get better, but my mom was still apprehensive about her being around us. She filled up one last prescription, made a memory wall full of pictures of myself, my sister, and my mom, and downed the whole bottle of pills. There was never any service for her, and it still hurts to this day, but I'm fine. My mom will forever feel guilty. I wish I knew what to say.   Keep her in your heart, and hug your loved ones tightly always.

My step sister did long before my mom and step dad married, so I never got to meet her. I've never been close to anyone who's committed suicide, and I hope I never have to. I don't have any advice, but I'm very sorry for your loss 

Quoting ♕Cupcαke[Queen:" *This is going to be a post & run.. I have an early class and need to try to get to sleep. I'll answer ... [snip!] ... for rambling.. I just need some advice because nobody I know has ever gone through this with someone so close to them  "

OP -

I am so very sorry for the loss of your friend. *hug*  

were you close to her family at all? or at least on normal speaking terms? it might help to tell them how hard it's been to cope with her passing due to there not being a service, etc. obviously it would have to be worded in such a way that they didn't feel as though you were being insensitive to how hard it must be for THEM or that you were blaming them or something like that....
a conversation like that might be helpful for both you and them too?

if that's not an option,
you could make your own little shrine to her.... like in a favourite hang out of yours, or a spot you used to frequent - or just a nice park? you could find a secluded spot and get a rock, write her name on it... leave some flowers and "talk" to her... or just cry if you need to... if privacy is a big issue in the park or whatever, you could just meditate some place quiet on your own? think about her, her memory, and then think of something peaceful... healing, etc...
white light, a field of flowers blooming, the way sun looks when its shining through tree branches..
meditating on her and healing, peaceful thoughts - might bring YOU a lot of peace.

one thing is for sure - your friend is not suffering anymore.....

again, I'm sorry for your loss.

I'm so sorry for your loss, honey.

My best friend committed suicide in 2003.
I still have a hard time coping. I miss her so much, and I think about where she would be if she was still here right now.
It does get better, but for me the feeling of missing her never goes away. I was a wreck when it happened. She did it before school started on October 13th, 2003.
I usually picked her up with my mom for school. She said she didn't need a ride and she loved me and would see me soon. ( that was at 6 am)
At around lunch time I got called down to the counselor's office and they told me she was found dead at 7 am. She wrote a poem and left that. My mom's best friend worked for the police department and was the one to take her down, she hung herself along with other things.

I know it has to be harder not seeing her, sometimes seeing them helps with the closure better.

Thank you for all the advice and condolences ladies. It means a lot to me. And to everyone who experienced a similar loss, my thoughts are with you all.

At this time, I would prefer to not speak with her family about it. Everyone is just very shaken because of the graphic nature of her passing and I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings or make anyone upset.

I have been thinking of going to the place where she did it and trying to find some sort of peace there. It's a public outdoor area so I would be able to go anytime I wanted. But I don't know if I'm strong enough to do that yet. Even just driving by the other day made my stomach churn and made me start crying immediately.

Another good friend of ours is going to get together with me tomorrow and we are going to try to find something to do to memorialize her. Something that she would love.

I just hope I can keep getting through this and keep thinking of her in a positive way and not in the way she was in her final moments here.

This is all harder than I ever thought it would be.

My mom killed herself in '06 on the day her grandbaby was born (my brothers child not mine) she shot herself in the abdomen ultimately shredding her abdominal aorta and bled out internally if that makes any sense in 30 seconds. It never gets easier. But, I will say you have good days and bad. Sometimes I'll hear a sing, or smell a certain scent and I'll start crying and I don't even realize it.

My brother is severely scarred from it, because his daughter shares a birthday with that day. My other brother is also traumatized by it because he said the last thing he remembers saying to her was that he hated her. I saw her the evening before and we went out to eat and had a good time with my daughter we said our I love yous and went about our ways. She was bipolar and something set her off that day and nobody is ever going to know what it was, she's the only person that can answer that question. I have come to terms with the whole situation and whenever I get down I just remember the good times and the love we shared and be thankful I had her for as long as I did.

Yes, it sucks, no, I cannot change it, no it doesn't get easier....you just adapt.

My father committed suicide on Thanksgiving of '08. My step mother left him after 10 years of marriage, she had been cheating on him for months, maybe a year. She just up and left one morning when he went to work. She had work that day, but calls out sick. My father came home for lunch around 2pm and everything of her's was gone. That happened on the Monday before Thanksgiving and my father sunk further and further until Thursday morning when he hanged himself.

It was hard for me, it still is. I play out a lot of what if's in my head because I went to his house with my husband that afternoon around 3:30. The door was locked (which he never locked the door), there were black trash bags on the windows, all phones were off or busy, and his van was in the drive way. I banged and banged on the door, but there was no answer. At that point I think a part of myself was trying to protect me because I became extremely angry and began walking to the car. When I got to the drive way my husband opened the gate to the backyard, my husband suggested we check the garage dice my father was always in there. I told my husband no, my husband told me we need to check because it didn't seem right, at that point I said "Smurf him, I'm not playing his games!". Although that sounds horrible, I'm glad I got upset or else I'm sure my husband would have walked back to the garage. The garage is where they found him at around 7pm, he committed suicide approximately around 11 am.

Had I walked back there and broken into the garage I would imagine that it would be a lot harder for me to cope after seeing my father's lifeless body hanging. Although as sick as it is, a part of me wishes I did. My uncle found him and now almost 4 years later he won't speak to me. I remind him too much of my father, it's too hard for him.

When it first happened it was hard because I thought it was a sick joke. My father had no respect for people who committed suicide, he thought it was a pathetic and weak act. I also had a lot of anger, I didn't cry much after that night. I actually seemed some what normal, I could speak in detail about my thoughts, what had happened, and it came out like I was telling you the weather. Since then I'll have my episodes where something will remind me of him and I won't be able to shake my thoughts for a week or so, and I'll continue to see or hear things that remind me of him.

I didn't realize how much it affected me until I went back home during my husband's deployment. I'd drive when I was upset about missing my husband or if I had too much on my mind, and without thinking I'd drive to my father's house. I'd sit in my car, listen to music, and just stare at the house. It was really hard because before my father died we became very close, I called him or visited him every day. He was my person to talk to when times were tough and he wasn't there.

I'm so sorry for your loss. My friendfrom high-school committed suicide as well. I hasn't spoken toying in over a year and thought about him one day and looked up his profile on Facebook and saw all the posts about how much he'd be missed. He shot himself in his bedroom... To this day I wish I had kept in touch with him...

<blockquote><b>Quoting ♕Cupcαke[Queen:</b>" *This is going to be a post & run.. I have an early class and need to try to get to sleep. I'll answer ... [snip!] ... for rambling.. I just need some advice because nobody I know has ever gone through this with someone so close to them  "</blockquote>

My 16 yr old son commited suicide jut one yr ago. The aanni jussst past actualy and sadly it is also my moms bday. I think i've been in shock for a whole year. I'm actualy just begining to grieve now.
It does not get easier at all, like ppl say yu just learn to cope with your loved one gone. Everyday he is on my mind and everyday there is another reminder that he is not with us anymore. This may be different for me since it was my child but i feel like there is such a void in my life now that wil never be right again. It does help to talk to ppl about the goodd times and to remeber the laughs wee shared. As far as it getting easier well at least i don't cry every single day anymore. That's about it. What i repeadily tell myself now iss that he is much happier now and in a better place.
I'm sorry for yur loss and sorry i can't tell u that it get easier.