Yes, No, Maybe so?

(Posted in FFA also, Just pasted & reposted in here. Give me opinions please)
Well, We have been offered a baby! Weird to say it like that, but no other way to put it. (I was going to put this in TTC & Adoption, which I may still do, I really just want others opinions.Thanks) Over the weekend, my mil came into contact with a family friend who knows a girl (who is 14 ) that is currently pregnant. She wants to give the baby up for adoption, as of right now. That could change any day really.

She asked if my mil knew anyone who has be "trying for a baby " or someone who really wants a baby, since she said she wants to find him/her a home before the baby gets here so she can know the family personally.
We got brought up.
I kinda felt excited, since I have wanted to adopt for awhile now & still keep trying for another. I want kids close in age & so does Josh,
But on the other hand, Im scared to say yes. Im scared once she see's the baby, she will want to keep him/her.
I don't want to get attached.....If we go thru with this, I told my mil it would have to be Legal. I won't do it any other way. Also, Im not sure how I feel with an "open adoption." I don't mind sending her pics and all that, but I don't think I will like her coming over often to see "her baby" and all that. If we do adopt, I want it to be "our baby" and us feel like the family we have always wanted. I will greatly appreciate her for giving us this miracle, but I don't think I can handlehaving her in our life, not to sound mean & ungrateful but if we do adopt,I want it to be just us.Also, she has no clue who the father is?! Yes, I know but I won't say anything except, I have no clue what he/they (lol)feel with this..... It's weird in a way.
Am I right to be like that?
Or wrong?
Thanks in advance.

I don't think its wrong to want a closed adoption. You have to think of your feelings and things too. Open adoptions aren't for everyone.

Definately do it legal, and I like that you aren't trying to be attatched to this idea yet. It seems it would be very hard to "lose a baby" during adoption.

How great would that be! I wish you all the luck in the world! Maybe this is what has been planned for you all along!

Quoting ~Kim~ aka timba43:“ How great would that be! I wish you all the luck in the world! Maybe this is what has been planned for you all along!”

Wow. What you wrote gave me chills. Maybe......

I am adopted Emilee,
My mom had a closed adoption with me but it seemed liek that lady wanted me back after I was like 5 or so.. my parents told her that she should go away and that it was too late for regerets it was all legal. (I didn't know I was adopted until I was 12 some bastard told me and I wsih I never knew it) anyway....I decided I wanted to see the "lady" cuz she was in her deathbed and when I got there she said "Oh want you to call me mommy before I die"... I laughed in her face and told her YOU ARE NOT A QUARTER OF A MOM AS OF THIS WOMAN (my adoptive mom) STANDING RIGHT NEXT ME!! Adn I said NO WAY!..so I told her I SWEAR I'm gonna be a BETTER MOM thank you bitch! (sorry hard words hard feelings still) (she wanted to abort me..that failed..so she took herbs.. THAT FAILED.. (I gues sI was a clinger) Thank God I dont have birth defects!!..YIKES!! Anyway on her funeral I disovered that if no one wanted me she was going to leave me to die anywhere or throw me into a river to let me die!!! YUP!!! That bitch didnt deserve me calling her mommy! /.OMg sorry I got carried away.(sprry  .I'd say CLOSED ADOPTION! So she won't invade your family and please tell your baby from the start cuz when I found out my world crumbled my life was a lie and I had a few suicidal attempts because of it at age 12!... I proved Im a batter mom and here I am today enjoying motherhood and its precious gifts!
Good luck hun!.. If you consider it Closed adoption is what I'd say! I love my (adoptive) parents to death!! They are my everything!!!! Im so thankful to them for giving me EVERYTTHING! 1I was their princess as they both were infertile. No kids at all. So I was (still am) a spoiled BRAT!!... 

Quoting Ruthie♥PCOS Momma:“ I am adopted Emilee, My mom had a closed adoption with me but it seemed liek that lady wanted me back ... [snip!] ... me EVERYTTHING! 1I was their princess as they both were infertile. No kids at all. So I was (still am) a spoiled BRAT!!... ”

I'm so sorry about that.
So that's how you felt afterwards?? I was worried once this girl turns 18, she would try to get "her child" back. Or when the kid gets older, we won't be considered his or her parents any longer.
Too many things could go wrong, but on the other end, a lot could go right.
we would tell the baby when they are lilttle so no confusion comes from it.

Quoting *Emilee*:“ I'm so sorry about that. So that's how you felt afterwards?? I was worried once this girl turns 18, ... [snip!] ... but on the other end, a lot could go right. we would tell the baby when they are lilttle so no confusion comes from it.”

Yah.. really it's better.. don't have your child live a lie cuz it would hurt so much once he or she finds out it was all a lie. So truth since the beginning. Good luck hun.

Quoting Ruthie♥PCOS Momma:“ I am adopted Emilee, My mom had a closed adoption with me but it seemed liek that lady wanted me back ... [snip!] ... me EVERYTTHING! 1I was their princess as they both were infertile. No kids at all. So I was (still am) a spoiled BRAT!!... ”

But you know what hun, it wasnt YOU that your (biological) mum didnt want!! you have only become the person you are now by the life and journey you have taken these last 25 years. Your mum didnt want A BABY, any baby, of course if she knew what an amazing person you are/have grown to be then she would have clung onto you im sure of it. But it is because of what happened that you are who you are! i hope you know what i mean?! **hugs**

sorry OP didnt mean to hijack your post!i dont think its selfish what you want at all, as long as everyone knows where they stand throughout. I hope it works out the best for everyone  

Quoting twinmami:“ But you know what hun, it wasnt YOU that your (biological) mum didnt want!! you have only become the ... [snip!] ... what you want at all, as long as everyone knows where they stand throughout. I hope it works out the best for everyone  ”

Aaww thank you hun.. (** a tear in my eyes**)
It was hard on me.. but it made me stronger!... I'm using my strength to also hang in there when it comes to PCOS!... I know I can kicks PCOS ASS!! I KNOW IT!!.... Thanks hun ..you guys make my day!!!  
Emilee.. good luck hun.. I hope tat if you do decide to keep that baby.. I KNOW that baby will be too lucky to find someone as special as you to be it's mommy! I don;t know how is it that some women don't realize that becoming pregnant is such an HONOR!!!!!..to me it would be.. I felt very honored to have 3 babies inside me.. even if 2 are not that of earth but that of heaven. I feel honored. And I pray that well deserving women like you twinmammy and Emilee have their miracles ASAP!!
Love ya girls!!!

Quoting Ruthie♥PCOS Momma:“ Aaww thank you hun.. (** a tear in my eyes**) It was hard on me.. but it made me stronger!... I'm using ... [snip!] ... I feel honored. And I pray that well deserving women like you twinmammy and Emilee have their miracles ASAP!! Love ya girls!!! ”

Aww love ya too hun   I hate thinking you feel rejected by that lady giving you away   I think sometimes there is something wrong with a person that they just dont feel maternal and so they have no connection, i guess those kind of women just see a baby as an empty shell as they havent yet bonded and seen the babys personality and love shine, and so feel no need to keep. Of course that 'shell' grows up to reveal a beautiful pearl, a person full of love and kindness and all other great things   I think thats why she probably wanted you to call her 'mum', she must have seen the twinkle in your eye and realised how special you are. Bet she was kicking herself BIG time!

I felt so honoured to hold my babies too, even though it was for far too short a time. I hope their lil souls are happy now, and that they know how much i love them so so much. I cant wait to feel it again some day super soon ..... so please..... LET ME OVULATE G0DDAMIT ive been waiting too long!!!!!

Emilee, you might become a mommy soon!!! I think that you have to do what your comfortable about doing. You are wanting to go into this and be the childs mother, having an open adoption I'm sure would be hard. But if you feel in your heart this is the right thing to do, pray about it. I'm sure the Lord is putting this in your path for a reason. Please let us know how things go!!!

I so hope this happens.. make sure you keep me in the loop!

Also you may want to consult a lawyer when things become more of a reality.

Keeping my fingers crossed for ya!

I was 17 when I conceived my daughter and my family was not the type of family I wanted to raise my child with. It was very unloving and neglectful. I placed her up for open adoption cause I love her very much. I could not give up my child and say here have her I don't want to see her again. We decided (me and the adoptive family) that it would be best if I received pictures and letters while she grew up. When they saw she was old enough and mature enough to know who I was they would let her know. I don't have visitations nor see her. In fact I haven't seen ehr since she was 3 days old and she left the hospital. This was our way to keep contact so I could see how she was doing without me actually being in her life. She is soon to be 8 years old and I still have not seen her. This is just MY opinion but I would do the pictures and letters as well. I don't know who the girl is or what she's about. She may be one of thsoe teens who doesn't care and will do it closed. Or she could be one who really cares and wants a great home for the baby. If so I recommend the pics due to the fact it will eat her inside wondering what he/she is doing or how he/she looks and all those curious things, which tends to lead people back in court fighting over a baby. I'm one of those. GL and congrats should this go through!!