Words of advice.. maybe a vent.
posted 14th Jul '12
Okay... I'm warning you now that this is going to be really really long... so if your gonna read now, you might as well read the whole thing...
I've read some stories on here about teenagers who are pregnant or are trying to get pregnant. And I just wanted to say something..
And you probably aren't going to like it. But it's your life and i'm not going to judge you. I'm not perfect and was one of these teens.. but i just advise some of you to please wait... pregnancy isnt a game, doesn't make you look cool, and will not make your boyfriend stay. (i thought all of that at one point) and i was wrong. But anyways, my point --
When i was 19, i tried to get pregnant. and it happend.. and i just wanted a baby. Thought it was all fun and games honestly, didn't really care what anyone thought or said at the time. I knew i could do it.. i pictured the perfect happy little family.. and i'm not saying this is going to happen to you, or that you had the same thoughts as me - whether you think you are in a stable relationship, have a good job and all that.. because i did. What i'm about to say, i never thought would happen to me EVER.. (meaning the way i had it planned/pictured out to be) like maybe most teens would in there mind set?
If that makes sense..
I'm not doing this to make anyone feel sorry for me but i'm just going to tell you my story.. and maybe it will make you think twice. Maybe it won't.. Things could be different.
So here is my story. My name is ashley, i'm 21 years old. I'm currently single.
I got pregnant when i was 19 years old! And at the time, it's what i wanted and i felt like i was on top of the world.. I wasnt really trying, but i wasnt preventing.. I guess secretly i wanted to though, and it sure did happen. Within a matter of three months of "trying"... I was with my boyfriend of 2 years.. whom i thought was the man of my dreams (not that yours isnt/wasnt/won't be lol) ..... but i was pregnant and he was happy, i was happy, family was happy, everyone was happy and ecstatic. Just what i wanted. i did what i could to take care of myself and the baby - went to all the prenatal check ups, took all the vitamins, ate right, stopped smoking/drinking etc... did everything right. Had the perfect pregnancy...... (or so i thought)
at my 19 week ultrasound (the gender scan, yay!) found out that my baby didn't have a heartbeat. :/ nothing.
but nothing else besides that, was wrong... I ended up being induced and giving birth to an 8 oz 91/4 inch, little girl... who i named Emily Paige. (4/14/11)
It was devestating, and very heartbreaking. Not just being at a young age, but this would have been hard for anyone... even a married couple, or someone who has been actively trying for years - Someone better and well set than i was. I'm not just saying for teens, but i am telling you this - being young at 19, even 21 that i am now, its a very hard thing to go thru and i wish that it never happened to me. I wouldnt wish it apon anyone.. it's a daily struggle but it's getting better. I have a lot of support.. and i'm just putting my story out there, so others can see.. even the teens, that what happened to me, CAN happen to you. Stillbirths are really rare, and usually it was something with the mother that went wrong, not the baby, but i had no idea that when i got pregnant, that over time my body developed a blood clotting disorder causing my baby to lack oxygen and pass away. Not to mention she was completely perfect and healthy (we did an autopsy) had no signs of defects, abnormalties, was the correct measurements etc.. and now when i get pregnant again, i will have to be put on bloodthinners/medication etc. But like i said, never in a million years did i think this would ever happen to me. ME? no way. But it did.. and i'm not even with my baby dad anymore (not that yours would/wouldn't leave) but i'm just saying it was harder than heck to go thru it all alone right after the birth.. even if she would have made it to term and he would have/havent left, ..it's hard regardless and i thought he would stay NO matter what. Wrong..
Sorry if this was long, i'm just venting, but if you read all that, thanks for taking the time. Hope it maybe made you think a little bit though, about what could happen during the pregnancy, even though it's hard either way if your actually caring for a child or going thru a loss. One isnt better than the other.. And now i want a baby more than anything.. But i know that love will happen, a baby will happen again, at the right time.. and maybe the journey won't be perfect, or the guy won't stay, but i think i will actually be truely ready. And then maybe it will be worth it. To me anyways. This has made me a stronger person.. and i don't regret that it happened, it made me learn, but it still hurts. I'm not saying its going to happen to you!!! ...or that it will never happen to you. But i wish i would have waited.. to be with a guy who actually wanted what i did, would have stayed around, maybe been more financially stable etc, and would have supported me.. wouldnt have matter if it happend then or now, if i was ready or not, but just know... the journey is a crazy ride, and NOTHING is gaurenteed.
posted 14th Jul '12
<blockquote><b>Quoting Ashh18:</b>" Okay... I'm warning you now that this is going to be really really long... so if your gonna read now, ... [snip!] ... if it happend then or now, if i was ready or not, but just know... the journey is a crazy ride, and NOTHING is gaurenteed."</blockquote>
I'm so sorry,
posted 14th Jul '12
Sorry for your loss OP. I agree that in most cases, it's not a good idea to TTC as a teen. Not if you're thinking it's a game or all sunshine and rainbows. I got pregnant at 17, had my son at 18. He was not planned and it has been very tough. Not that any mother at any age has it easy. But at 25 and planned, this pregnancy and child is ten times easier than with my first who was a surprise and I did it alone. I don't look down on teen moms at all, age doesn't determine your ability as a parent. But I do think it's sad when I see posts from 15 year olds who are trying to have a baby because they think it'll be fun to have a cute little baby, or think life doesnt change, or think it will make the guy stay forever. I wish more teens would sit down and really think about the facts, think about the fact that they still have growing up to do and having to do it so fast is hard.quote