women who are with men who game; am i wrong?

Me and my fiance have been together for well over a year now. We have a beautiful son, and another one on the way, he has a good job, we're buying a beautiful house in an awesome neighborhood, and to sum it all up, we're very blessed. When we first got together, he played the whole world of warcraft, everquest, and diablo crap, infact, before i came around, that's litterally all he did, he would come home from work, play games for hours on end, sleep a few hours, and then get up and do it all over again. Well of course after we got together, that had to stop quickly, not only did he have a new girlfriend, but i had just had my son Elijah, who was four months at the time, so the gaming was put on hold for a few months. When my son turned about 7 months we decided to start looking for a house so we could settle down, and really live like a family. By elijah turning 10 months, we had found a house, and started getting it ready. Things were awesome the first month or so, then however, i started noticing he was gaming again, more and more. I find out i was pregnant again, and the gaming gets even worse. And now, over a year later, when he gets home at work at 5, he comes in, plays with elijah for an hour or so while im cooking dinner, and when dinners done, he's carrying his stupid plate to the computer. My stomach honestly turns when i look at the computer screen and see the fucking world of warcraft logo, i hate it, and as much as i hate saying it, i'm actually jealous of this game! I feel like no matter what i do, i'll never be as fun to him as this game is. The worse part is, my fiance doesn't see that he plays to much, he literally acts like he has no clue as to why i'm so mad and hurt by it all the time. I keep explaining to him, i'm home from 8-5 on the weekdays with Elijah, i'm 34 weeks pregnant, i'm constantly cleaning and cooking, and by the time you get home, not only am i looking foward to a break, but i would LOVE if my fiance actually acted like he wanted to sit down and spend time with me. Now don't get me wrong, shawn is an amazing father, he truly is, but now since Elijah's 18 months old, shawns trying to get elijah into the damn game! and i know he's young, but honest to god, when elijah sees daddy getting on the computer, he's on his lap within seconds, wanting to help shawn click the mouse and push buttons. of course with me being elijahs mother, i don't want to see him turn into one of those kids that do nothing but sit on the computer/xbox/ or whatever, playing games all day, getting fat and unhealthy ya know?

am i being ridicilous for hating this game so much? should i just drop it and let him play? and to women who have been in my shoes, how did you make your men get the point and understand how you felt on it? i could really use some advice. i'm so ready to just pick the damn computer up and throw it out the window. i seriously think i would rather shawn be sneaking on to look at porn or something, then getting on and playing games.

lets send our SOs to game rehab- mine loves his ps3 and call of duty 4

I was in the same situation as you, My now ex would just play games all the time and never did anything around the house, though that is not why our relantionship ended. I know that towards the end of the relantionship he did it to get away from all the drama but it doesn't sound like that's the case here. Video games have always been my ex's life and I got to hate him getting on the computer cause that's all he would do. Unfortantly he wasn't the kind of man I could tell what I thought about it. My only advice for you is to sit your man down and let him know how you feel and ask him to cut down on the game playing or stop. I know gamers, they like their games and they like to escape into a different world once in a while. Good luck to you!

My husband games all the time. When he comes home from work, and he has a late shift, so he usually doesn't get home until about 9:30 PM, he'll come and say hello to me, talk for a few minutes and then he goes to the baement and plays PS3. He gets new games all the time. Honestly, it doesn't bother me. He's at home, he's not out in the streets do God knows what with God knows who. He works hard, and he takes good care of us. Plus too, I work so when i get home I just want to relax myself. I know where to find him if I need something.

So...I don't complain or get jealous.

world of warcraft is addicting. I've never played it but everyone I know who has is seriously obsessed. My mans a gamer too, just not a computer gamer....but than again so am I so maybe that's why it doesn't bother me. Another thing he doesn't obsess, we still spend time together. If he put his games before me I think it would upset me as much as it upsets you. Then again if I did that to him he'd probabaly get upset too. He likes spending time with me. He's really atached lol

my husband was the sme way he would play it hours on end expecting me to just sit there & watch him for hours on end. I ended up giving him an option either the game or me. He eventually started gradually cutting back on his games & started spending more time with me. But we sat down & made a schedule of how much time he can play with the game system & then how much we should spend together. Granted he did play more when he was stressed out but now its another addiction... Sex ugh.

My boyfriend literally plays games all day, it's so annoying!! If anyone else has figured out how to stop them gaming by all means gimme advice! lol! Even when I moved in with him he would still play games all the time, I make him spend at least an hour with me everyday now tho and watch TV lol. Mind you that was his idea not mine, cause when he's on games I don't go near him or I go a walk for a while and I make him miss me lol. Maybe go for a short walk together in the evening or somethign with the little one? Or set a day aside in the week when its your day together. Me and Chris do that, but I also let him play a game for an hour or so cause otherwise he's an ass and gets withdrawal symptoms.

Edit to add: I only let him go on the game until AFTER we've had our time together not before. Otherwise it's a nightmare trying to get him off the damn thing! And if you're worried about you son playing games too, tell your SO that you don't want him playing video games yet, and not to encourage him. But the way I see it is, at least if the kid is at home playing games, they're safe and not getting into drugs or anything.

I understand you completely. My boyfriend plays X-Box ALOT! He has gotten better and knows as soon as I get home or if I am home that I do not want to hear it. I do not mind the sports games when he plays or other ones, but I cannot stand HALO 3. It is so obnoxious constantly hearing shooting and the stupid screen talking. Well needless to say, once this baby is born he has already been warned that he will not play it unless both my son and I are not home. I do not want our son to hear all this crap. I jsut keep remembering in my head that he does not cheat on me, drink, do drugs or anything else so I guess if this is his hobbie then I will have to deal with it. If it becomes an issue once the baby is born, I will disconnect the internet-NO JOKE. My father also used to play video games up until a few years ago and he is 55 years old now. It is a guy hobby I guess. I love watching sports so I would rather have my boyfriend be obsessed with that, but oh well. I just think of it as when I am watching my TV programs that I like I am focused on them, but I do not make it a priority to run to the TV everyday to watch them. I DVR them and watch them when I have time. I know exactly what you mean about feeling "jealous" over the games. I tell my boyfriend sometimes that I wish I was as exciting to you as the video games or that he might as well find a girlfriend on X-Box..lol. I guess we shoudl at least be happy that they are not in chat rooms meeting woman. I try not to complain anymore because I realize that there are way worse things that they could be doing. And NO I will try my best so that my son does not start to like them at a young age. Kids(especially boys) are always interested in what Daddy is doing. It sucks, but moms always get pushed to the side and that is why we are the stronger sex and should rule the world!...LoL

I'm in the same boat, sort of. I love playin video games every now and then. In fact, my hubby bought me a PSP because I desperately wanted to play Final Fanstasy VII: Crisis Core. I'm a big fan of the Final Fantasy series, especially Final Fantasy VII.

I was the one who wanted to get on the World of Warcraft bandwagon. He didn't want to let me at first because he was worried about spyware and spam, but a mutual friend of ours told him that he has never had a problem with that with his World of Warcraft account. So, my hubby gave me the go ahead to download the trial. I told him I liked it, so he bought it for me (he was in Iraq at the time).

Well, he decided he wanted to try it out. He got sucked into it like a vampire sucks blood. He decided he wanted an account as well. How great would it be if we could play together was his theory. We would be this husband and wife team that would quest together.

I limited my game play because I have kiddies to take care of, but he would breathe, eat, and sleep World of Warcraft. We started playing less and less together. I mentioned the whole original purpose of having dual accounts, and he changed his story. He said he wanted his own account so we didn't have to wait till the other got off the account to play. While I was pregnant with my second son, I would fall asleep on the couch at least four times out of the week waiting for him to get off of the game and come to bed with me.

Finally, I was tired of it. I had a long talk with him. He's works for a military contractor, so he's constantly traveling. When he was at home, he was constantly on the game. I told him it needed to stop. I explained to him how neglected I felt, and how hurtful it was. I still don't think he understands, but he has cut down dramatically. I think it's only because he's going to Iraq for what could be a six month stretch. Who knows, but it drives me crazy.

I know how you feel my best friend actually found a girlfriend on there that he would talk to while his wife was sleeping in the same room. They are now divorced but it is all because of that game because he would spend all night playing it.

Your definitley not wrong for feeling this way. My ex was the same way, he looooooooved world of warcraft..and we fought about it too..sometimes he actually refered to it as 'the wonderful world of warcraft'. Pretty sad I know...I wish I had some advice for you.

Quoting heatherLG.:“ Me and my fiance have been together for well over a year now. We have a beautiful son, and another one ... [snip!] ... window. i seriously think i would rather shawn be sneaking on to look at porn or something, then getting on and playing games.”

Well takeit from a gamer. I love my playstation 2 to death but if I knew that me playing it too much was hurting my relationship with Britt (not saying I do)then I would definately change something. Maybe you could tell himthat if he doesn't cut down his game time and spend more time with you then there will be consequences. Or you could find a game, like The Sims or something, that you could play together. Me and my wife play the Gamecube together. We play Need For Speed Underground 2 because you can make pimped out cars and stuff like that. I think you may be taking it a little too seriouslywhen your son gets into the games with his daddy. Let them play as they do, because they are bonding and your son is going to play videogames regardless of whether you want him to or not. And you don't have to worry about him getting fat because he likes videogames, I've had a videogame platform in my house since I was like three and I grew up to be a perfectly healthy person. I played football and got plenty of awards at school for academic acheivement. Games don't rin kids contrary to what many mothers believe, bad parents do. Parents who don't enforce rules like going outside toplay for an hour and not sitting on the videogames too long. The parents have total control over things like that an should feel free to enforce the rules they set. You know?

I used to feel the same way about my guy. But then I just got fed up with it and said if you can't beat 'em join 'em. and trust me the game is really addicting! He probably doesn't realize that he plays that much b/c when you are on there time seems to just fly by. As far as getting him to get off more, I have never been able to do that, but I have a friend whose husband used to do the same, and she pretty much just demanded that he not play so much. He still plays but not nearly as much.

I for one, do think you're being a bit harsh.  

Look at it a bit diferently for a moment.

Yes, you are pregnant. Yes, you have a son you take care of. Thing is though...so do I. I actually was quite surprised when I came upon this thread in the forum -- your situation family-wise is so close to mine. So I can sympathize, hehe.   Things can get really tough, and stressful. (I also run a company with a couple of employees...so things can get REALLY crazy sometimes, haha!)

Well, from his point of view, he's also been working all day. You didn't mention what he does for a job...so I can't venture a guess...but you also have to think that from how he sees it, he's been working hard as well, and needs a break too. You have to meet up in the middle with things like this.

As you can see by my profile, I am a HUGE gamer as well, so I can see both sides here. I can understand your husband's love for gaming -- it's truly fun and a GREAT way to relieve stress. I also see though how you can feel as if he just is gone all day only to come home and game.

I chuckled when I read how you said that your son was interested in joining him while he plays. Look at that for a second as well. You mentioned he is your fiance...I think it's very sweet that he's reaching out to your son like that.   I know some guys who just ignore the kids totally when they game. To hear that he's letting your son join in...that's just adorable and very touching, actually. I love it when my kid wants to play along with me...I'll give her a controller and let her pretend to play with me...it's hilarious to watch her squeal and giggle at the screen.  

Anyways....sorry for going a bit off the beaten path, there.   I do want to say something about how you're kinda reacting to it... You seem to be...extremely, extremely hostile towards the entire thing. Have you considered talking nicely to him about it? It seems to me, from reading your post, that you have just been aggressive about it. Try talking it out...calmly...with him. Explain that you understand he needs his de-stress time too, but that you do need a bit of extra help around the house.

My own husband got a game recently that he was sucked into. Now, as a gamer, I understood...but he got a bit too much into it. (Yes, even gamers can see when there should be a stopping point, lol) I approached him about it, explained how I felt, and pointed out how much time he'd been spending on it. He agreed, and while he still plays it, I did get the extra bit of help around the house that I was needing.  

So really, dear...just calm down and like I said....look at it from both sides of the story. Marriage is full of compromises...you have to work things out so that both are happy with the arrangement. Try playing with him sometime. Or, work out a time period when you guys can switch off on who's monitoring the kid. My husband and I just pretty much tag team it ourselves -- which might work for ya...might not.

Just talk it out with him...communication is PRIME in marriage. Don't throw the PC out the window (that'd cause some damages I'm sure to both window and marriage, lol!)...just calm down and talk things over.

Quoting Teh Seraph:“ I for one, do think you're being a bit harsh.   Look at it a bit diferently for a moment. Yes, you ... [snip!] ... PC out the window (that'd cause some damages I'm sure to both window and marriage, lol!)...just calm down and talk things over.”

Amen!