Having a girl years after having a boy(Might be a trigger)

Very personal story in this so please don't judge.
I'm not pregnant nor do I plan on getting pregnant for the next 3 years(college for 2 and working at least 1 before next baby.) Right now I have a boy. He's 15 months, almost 16 months.

I've always wanted a girl. Idk why because with my luck she'll have hormonal problems and horrible periods and just typical girl stuff lol SO also wants a girl one day. He knows he'll be over protective but he's always wanted a daughter.

I'm just nervous. I honestly don't even want to have more children just in case we have a girl. I just feel weird having a girl after having a boy. There's a lot of history behind that because of my family. I've only really opened up to SO about it and tried to with my parents but they think I'm lying.

When I was younger, my oldest brother(5 years older than me) did things(Nothing that the cops would need to get involved in I think) that I just can't even talk about. I try to forget but living with my parents and him now I almost just want to kill him. Everyday I have to see him I get more miserable and have more hatred. It's not an excuse but I feel like it's a huge reason why I'm so sexually needy and clingy in a relationship so it can help me forget the past. I never want my daughter to go through anything like that.

I know LO would never be like that. I love him and I know he'll be a great boy when he's older and SO and I will teach him to have a good sibling relationship with his sister. It's just something I'll always have in the back on my mind. I don't know how I could get over it. Sometimes I feel like moving out and just being with LO and SO would help a lot but we just can't right now. I feel like being here is doing more damage for the future.

I know exactly how you feel. EXACTLY. That's why I'm scared to have a boy now that I have a girl. I really hope this baby si a girl. and because of my past I don't know if I'd be comfortable changing or breastfeeding a boy  

Quoting Squid Kid:" I know exactly how you feel. EXACTLY. That's why I'm scared to have a boy now that I have a girl. I really ... [snip!] ... I really hope this baby si a girl. and because of my past I don't know if I'd be comfortable changing or breastfeeding a boy  "

If I had a girl first, I'd be ok. Idk why it's just having an older boy then a girl just makes me feel uneasy. My brother was around 12 when I remember it starting. So it wasn't like I was a baby but it's just puberty that makes me feel sick thinking about it.