Not a day goes by..

Not a day goes by that I don't think of what I have done.
It's been over two years since I had my abortion and now I am pregnant and married and just part of me feels guilty..actually all of me feels guilty..

I know at the time it was the best thing for me and the situation I was in at the time.

I was in a very abusive, controlling relationship with someone for two years. When I found out I was pregnant he acted happy and as the day went on he got pissed and actually ended up punching me in the stomach. Surprisngly everything was fine.

The fighting got worse and worse everyday and I just wanted to leave. I had no support from him and none from my family. They hated him and rightly so he was a real piece of smurf.

My sister called me and told me what I should do..get an abortion. I told her she was insane and I could never do it, but the abuse was getting worse and worse and I just felt trapped..I went to my sisters house for the weekend and well after doing lots of talking and research I decided I was going to do it.

We made the appointment and my sister took me to get it done. My so at the time had no idea what I was doing..I didn't want him to come find me or try and stop me and say he would "change" because he always would say that...


Just why over two years later when I am happily married and cannot wait to have my son do I feel like piece of smurf still? It never leaves my mind...ever..

Please no hate words..

I'm sorry mama! sounds like you made the best decision you could for yourself!

Im sorry you had to go through that and I think the feelings your are having are normal but you are so strong for doing what you did. Can you imagine raising a child in that environment? Your so lucky and smart to have gotten out when you did. Even if you would have left him and kept the baby you would still have to see him. I hope everything goes well for you in the future, good luck.

*Hug* I'm sorry you are having some bad feelings right now. I wish you the best of luck. In my opinion you made the right decision.

Thank you all so much for you kindness!  

It helps to vent and get nice replies from you wonderful ladies!! Makes things like this a little easier..especially not being judged.

Seeing prolife things make it really hard. I don't want people to think I am a bad person..

Quoting Alexa Leigh:" Thank you all so much for you kindness!   It helps to vent and get nice replies from you wonderful ... [snip!] ... not being judged. Seeing prolife things make it really hard. I don't want people to think I am a bad person.."

Well this is a secure forum, if someone posts something rude it gets modded. But you are not a bad person, I think having the child and subjecting it to that type of life would make you a bad/selfish person. It sounds like he was unstable and a little bipolar, I dont think he was ready to be a dad or even be in a relationship.