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Poof all gone

Yeah... I'd tell him. He may try everything he possibly can to keep you, and when it fails... the divorce is going to be so much harder on him. Though I don't see him actually being nice, I still think it's fair to give him a heads up that no matter what he tries, you're finished.

Ducks in a row as in how you'll make it financially and where you'll live? I mean, if he isn't willing to help you out during a divorce and you feel this is the only way... I say do what you have to do.

<blockquote><b>Quoting kthx.:</b>" Yeah... I'd tell him. He may try everything he possibly can to keep you, and when it fails... the divorce ... [snip!] ... see him actually being nice, I still think it's fair to give him a heads up that no matter what he tries, you're finished."</blockquote>




Yesh but if he started being sweet and smurf again I would most likely stay. I want the real him to be hanging around not what he thinks I want so I will stay. We have done this back and forth thing for so long and the longer he stays a dick this easier this is for me. I may sit him down tomorrow. I'm not quite sure. I just don't want a false sense of him wanting to be with me and changing until I say fine I'll stay, then turn right back around and we wind up right back where we are.

<blockquote><b>Quoting 624582:</b>" Ducks in a row as in how you'll make it financially and where you'll live? I mean, if he isn't willing ... [snip!] ... I mean, if he isn't willing to help you out during a divorce and you feel this is the only way... I say do what you have to do."</blockquote>


Ducks in a row as in a place to live, a job, plans set up for the kids and I. I am already working on it so maybe it won't be much longer.

Quoting SKANT:" <blockquote><b>Quoting kthx.:</b>" Yeah... I'd tell him. He may try everything he possibly ... [snip!] ... to be with me and changing until I say fine I'll stay, then turn right back around and we wind up right back where we are."

But if you tell him now, I don't think he'll try anything to keep you. As of now, he still thinks he has a chance to keep you... so he's gonna try to be sweet and smurf. I think it'd be easier for YOU to just tell him, so you don't have to put up with the fake sweetness.

<blockquote><b>Quoting kthx.:</b>" But if you tell him now, I don't think he'll try anything to keep you. As of now, he still thinks he ... [snip!] ... try to be sweet and smurf. I think it'd be easier for YOU to just tell him, so you don't have to put up with the fake sweetness."</blockquote>




I will most likely tell him later today. He's far from sweet though right now. He's the jack ass I got used to after awhile so either way I guess it doesn't matter.

<blockquote><b>Quoting SKANT:</b>" <blockquote><b>Quoting 624582:</b>" Ducks in a row as in how you'll make it financially ... [snip!] ... row as in a place to live, a job, plans set up for the kids and I. I am already working on it so maybe it won't be much longer."</blockquote>


Although it screams smurffy, I don't blame you. If my husband wasn't willing to help me out during a divorce I would probably sit and wait since we now have a son. It'd be a hell of a lot easier to up and leave with myself as my only responsibility.

<blockquote><b>Quoting 624582:</b>" <blockquote><b>Quoting SKANT:</b>" <blockquote><b>Quoting 624582:</b>" ... [snip!] ... sit and wait since we now have a son. It'd be a hell of a lot easier to up and leave with myself as my only responsibility."</blockquote>




It would definitely be so much easier if it was just myself but we have two kids together which makes this hard.

Marriage should be a lifetime commitment..up there with having children.

I think you should give counseling a chance and let him know that your marriage has a possibility of being mended if you both put forth the effort and not just you...I think you should keep fighting to save it though, divorce should seriously be the last option.

my concern would be that with his abusive nature how exactly he would react to you saying you want a divorce. I mean if he's willing to do the things to you that he does when he thinks your relationship is strong is he going to react badly when he knows its over?

<blockquote><b>Quoting Mrs.O!:</b>" Marriage should be a lifetime commitment..up there with having children. I think you should give counseling ... [snip!] ... the effort and not just you...I think you should keep fighting to save it though, divorce should seriously be the last option."</blockquote>


This, but I've been answering under the assumption that you've given it all you have.

My husband and I got married after knowing each other just shy of 4 months, him 19 and myself 18. Here we are almost 5 years later and we've had our share of up's and down's, probably more so than we would have if we had married later in life. Getting married so quickly and so young probably wasn't the wisest choice, but we're making it work, we're happy. Now I'm not going to paint a picture as if we have some honky smurfing dory marriage or feed you some bullsmurf about how we defied the odds/statistics, but we put in hard work. We're still both very immature in many ways, but I guess that's what comes with our age.

<blockquote><b>Quoting Mrs.O!:</b>" Marriage should be a lifetime commitment..up there with having children. I think you should give counseling ... [snip!] ... the effort and not just you...I think you should keep fighting to save it though, divorce should seriously be the last option."</blockquote>


Marriage should be a lifetime commitment but in some cases it is not, i am in one of those situations where a divorce is needed and would definitely not be frowned upon. Though i know many people who have divorced and I don't view them any differently. It's someones choice and in all cases the decision to divorce obviously there's a good reason.

<blockquote><b>Quoting The Master:</b>" my concern would be that with his abusive nature how exactly he would react to you saying you want a ... [snip!] ... do the things to you that he does when he thinks your relationship is strong is he going to react badly when he knows its over?"</blockquote>




That I haven't given too much thought to in all honesty. Now I'm more scared then I was.

I think you should tell him as well...the only reason I say that is because I watched as my mom went a year and something with not telling my dad how she really felt. It was pretty obvious towards the end because he slept on the couch at night and they weren't talking hardly at all. She sprung divorce on him one day, he moved out a few days later...and now 3 years later he still doesn't fully understand what went wrong, obviously still loves her, and now an alcoholic I just learned a couple weeks ago. I think if my mom would have told him up front that she was wanting a divorce and explained everything to him, he wouldn't be in such a bad place still to this day. There are ways my mother and him could have went about this, and from what I've seen, keeping something so serious from him is the wrong move.
Good luck to you and your family..