Wtf crawled up your ass?

So just stormed in to our house, Id forgotten to give his mum my card before they went to pick him up to do the groceries. Storms in going "wher the smurf is your card?!" and I was instantly like wtf and didn't reply straight away cos I was shocked. He got even more smurfed off and started swearing, I told him it's in my handbag but please stop speaking to me that way. He then just starts off going "SmUrf YOU SmUrf YOU! making your oragami smurf!"

Yeah. I was making oragami smurf. Oragami flowers for our wedding. Cos I soooo want to marry you right now. Swearing at me for no reason.

I hate when SO gets that way. It's really smurfing irritating.

I'm sorry, mama.

Quoting ☮Sugar Magnolia:" I hate when SO gets that way. It's really smurfing irritating. I'm sorry, mama."

I just text him to find out why. It's because the house wasn't clean enough. Great. If I don't clean the house to HIS standards EVERY day, regardless of how I am feeing, what the kids are up to, anything, I will get screamed at and called names.

That's a good premise for a marriage right? Love, honour, respect as long as the dishes are done?  

Sounds like he is PMS-ing.
My SO like..never gets mad, he has a poker face.
But, I'm going to admit..I get in "those" moods at times..all I want to do is scream, but it's pretty rare

<blockquote><b>Quoting BlueTeamXTwo:</b>" I just text him to find out why. It's because the house wasn't clean enough. Great. If I don't clean ... [snip!] ... at and called names. That's a good premise for a marriage right? Love, honour, respect as long as the dishes are done?  "</blockquote>




He screams at you and calls you names if the house isn't clean enough? You don't deserve that  .

Quoting BlueTeamXTwo:" I just text him to find out why. It's because the house wasn't clean enough. Great. If I don't clean ... [snip!] ... at and called names. That's a good premise for a marriage right? Love, honour, respect as long as the dishes are done?  "

Oh he'd get a good mouthful from me... I have a child at home and he leaves a mess for me to clean up so don't yell at me if it's not smurf and span every two seconds. But DH doesn't go off about things like that, he more gets mad when I clean and put something up where he didn't put it and then he can't find it.

Quoting BlueTeamXTwo:" I just text him to find out why. It's because the house wasn't clean enough. Great. If I don't clean ... [snip!] ... at and called names. That's a good premise for a marriage right? Love, honour, respect as long as the dishes are done?  "

That is no way to be treated at all, momma   I am so sorry..when is the wedding? Any chance you could fit in some counseling or put it off until you guys can get a bit of help?

Quoting BlueTeamXTwo:" I just text him to find out why. It's because the house wasn't clean enough. Great. If I don't clean ... [snip!] ... at and called names. That's a good premise for a marriage right? Love, honour, respect as long as the dishes are done?  "

You have two kids, two BOYS at that.
Of course the house isn't going to be spotless, you don't deserve that.
I'd be having a serious talk with him, and if he can't understand and change that behavior, I'd rethink the whole marriage thing.

Quoting ☮live:" That is no way to be treated at all, momma   I am so sorry..when is the wedding? Any chance you could fit in some counseling or put it off until you guys can get a bit of help?"

My counsellor is looking into affordable couples counselling for us.

It's gotten ridiculous. The house is a mess about ten minutes after he's home and he won't help clean up even though it's his fault, but if have tons to do the next day and can't get to it in time, I KNOW for a fact he's gonna be a little bitch when he gets home. He literally thinks that if I cleaned the house more we would have no issues whatsoever. His exact words! He doesn't even realise that that thinking IS an issue!

Quoting ☮Sugar Magnolia:" You have two kids, two BOYS at that. Of course the house isn't going to be spotless, you don't deserve ... [snip!] ... be having a serious talk with him, and if he can't understand and change that behavior, I'd rethink the whole marriage thing. "

Every time I don't clean the house enough I do rethink it. How are the boys supposed to grow up into respectable men if they think that all a woman is good for is cleaning, cooking and getting yelled at? But he's not all bad, I maen, as long as the house is clean he is amazing. But it's not supposed to be on condition. I don't go to his work and yell at him.

Quoting BlueTeamXTwo:" I just text him to find out why. It's because the house wasn't clean enough. Great. If I don't clean ... [snip!] ... at and called names. That's a good premise for a marriage right? Love, honour, respect as long as the dishes are done?  "

i wouldn't marry that thing  
or at least put it off for a few years until he respects you

Quoting BlueTeamXTwo:" Every time I don't clean the house enough I do rethink it. How are the boys supposed to grow up into ... [snip!] ... as long as the house is clean he is amazing. But it's not supposed to be on condition. I don't go to his work and yell at him."

Exactly.

As unhealthy as it is, it took me yelling at SO to get him to stop his bullsmurf.
Well, not yelling. I very rarely yell. But I would bitch him out every time he bitched me out. He realized how smurffy it felt, and now it's VERY rare that he yells at me and calls me names.

<blockquote><b>Quoting BlueTeamXTwo:</b>" Every time I don't clean the house enough I do rethink it. How are the boys supposed to grow up into ... [snip!] ... as long as the house is clean he is amazing. But it's not supposed to be on condition. I don't go to his work and yell at him."</blockquote>


I don't understand why you are marrying him if he treats you like that. It's just going to get worse and he's setting a horrible example for your sons on how to treat women.

Quoting ♥ ♥:" <blockquote><b>Quoting BlueTeamXTwo:</b>" Every time I don't clean the house enough ... [snip!] ... he treats you like that. It's just going to get worse and he's setting a horrible example for your sons on how to treat women."

He never used to. For some reason he is getting worse and worse. It used to be, that as the SAHM I would do te majority of the cleaning, but if it wasn't done when he got home, there was obviously a reason so no big deal. Now, there is NO reason. I'm sick? House better be clean. Kids want to go otu all day? Better get home in time to clean. I don't know how to get through to him that he's acting like a total smurf.

Quoting GrumpsMama.:" Sounds like he is PMS-ing. My SO like..never gets mad, he has a poker face. But, I'm going to admit..I get in "those" moods at times..all I want to do is scream, but it's pretty rare"

 
I was gonna reply but you just saved me the typing.
I get the same way. SO doesn't get mad or upset. Never swears. Doesn't mean he won't come back to me later and tell me something bothered him or whatever. he just doesn't flip smurf. Now me? I get pissed all the time. I used to throw smurf when I was mad, but with LO here now I would never chance it. I don't even wanna imagine the ricochet from throwing something hitting him.   so I broke that habit before he was born. But I still swear like a sailor. SO covers LO's ears sometimes. Id hate to see his first word be smurf. Or his first sentence being mommy's own personal favorite... "Son of a smurfing bitch." If you were a fly on the wall in my apartment you might hear me go between muttering and screaming that about 10 times a day. In my defense my apartment is a run down tiny ass shoe box, something is constantly breaking or I am constantly tripping over something.
ETA:
Here's a visual.