Child's father in delivery "room"?

Zoey's dad is insistent about being around when I deliver this baby.

His drug abuse makes me wary. I found out that he was smurfing blown high when our daughter was born and I do NOT want him to be around if that's the case. I'm planning a home birth and want the atmosphere to be relaxed, not him fading out - which, I guess, is relaxing but I will get pissed, especially because our child will be around being taken care of by various participants (mother, sister, friend).

So, my issue is - does he have the right to be there and from there, he can loose that right with being high? Or is my choice anyway?

I care about him and would want to work things out, but I'm for sure not letting him into our lives until he's cleaned up his act a lot more. I also told him flat out if he's high he's not welcome, already, so that's kind of a done deal. I'm just wondering how that should be enforced, too, I guess. I don't want to waste money and time drug testing him, that's not my aim, goal, or desire. I'm not his mom and he's not some errant partying 14 year old.

its 100 pct your choice who you want and dont want in there with you, just let the nurses know

It's YOUR choice!

Can you tell the difference when he is high or not? I personally would not want him there. I would let everyone know if you don't want him there so they can try to control the situation!

Quoting ×ø×K·ßear×ø×:" its 100 pct your choice who you want and dont want in there with you, just let the nurses know"

This.

Do you two live together? If so... you can't really dictate whether he's in the house. It's his home too.
If you don't live together, don't invite him if you don't want too! It may be harsh, but he shouldn't be doing drugs...

Quoting ×ø×K·ßear×ø×:" its 100 pct your choice who you want and dont want in there with you, just let the nurses know"

There won't be nurses, but I'm going to let my mother, sister, friend, and probably midwives (as well as his mom) know that he won't be welcome if he's high, withdrawing, etc. He told me it just wasn't fair because that's a right of a father and I was unsure of that. I mean, legally, no, I don't think so, but... morally?

Quoting ma ♥:" Do you two live together? If so... you can't really dictate whether he's in the house. It's his home ... [snip!] ... too. If you don't live together, don't invite him if you don't want too! It may be harsh, but he shouldn't be doing drugs..."

HELL no. We separated when I found him shooting up. He was supposed to be clean, so moved back in... 8 weeks and a big huge accident later he admitted himself to rehab, I figured he was at least trying... then I found out he was not even trying, rehab was his shot to get a prescription to suboxone I *think*. It's a tangled mess. I would want him there if he's clean, I just don't know how to verify that.

Quoting anonymom + 1.5:" There won't be nurses, but I'm going to let my mother, sister, friend, and probably midwives (as well ... [snip!] ... wasn't fair because that's a right of a father and I was unsure of that. I mean, legally, no, I don't think so, but... morally?"

well then thats his choice in the end.. if he wants to be there that bad, and wants to experience it the right way, then he knows what he needs to do. dont feel bad if he makes the choice to try and show up high, leaving you to deny him... if so then he did it to himself not you

If I had this issue I would not let him in there. YOU and only you choose whom is there. I really think it is important for you to feel relaxed and comfortable. YOUR NEEDS FIRST!!!! You really don't need to be worrying about him and what he is on. I am sure this is a lot easier said than done. I wish you the best and hope all works out and you have a happy healthy baby.

Quoting ×ø×K·ßear×ø×:" well then thats his choice in the end.. if he wants to be there that bad, and wants to experience it ... [snip!] ... feel bad if he makes the choice to try and show up high, leaving you to deny him... if so then he did it to himself not you"

Thanks - I really, really need to remember that  

Quoting AshleyShuff:" If I had this issue I would not let him in there. YOU and only you choose whom is there. I really think ... [snip!] ... I am sure this is a lot easier said than done. I wish you the best and hope all works out and you have a happy healthy baby."

Thanks! It just sucks because I feel like I'm always waiting for him to fix this. And he's a good dad and boyfriend - when he's sober. It just sucks. I hate drugs so much.

I think he should be allowed to be there because it is his child too after all. However, with that being said, if he shows up high, then it would not be wrong to kick him out.

Quoting Circle K:" I think he should be allowed to be there because it is his child too after all. However, with that being said, if he shows up high, then it would not be wrong to kick him out."

Don't get me wrong... I *do* want him there. I want us to get back together... it's the drugs I can't handle. I can't support him anymore in his journey to death or sobriety - that sounds selfish and bitchy but I'm absolutely unsuited to it and I enable him repeatedly even when trying not to.

I don't want tohave to kick him out, though. That's where my frustration is coming from... I don't want to have to handle that while I'm in labor.

Quoting anonymom + 1.5:" Don't get me wrong... I *do* want him there. I want us to get back together... it's the drugs I can't ... [snip!] ... to kick him out, though. That's where my frustration is coming from... I don't want to have to handle that while I'm in labor."

I totally get it. It's a tough situation. It's a ways away. Maybe you guys can figure something out so he will be there sober and guaranteed to be sober? Like you said, he's a good dad when he's sober. It's stupid to let drugs get in between your life and loved ones. Hopefully he'll be clean and stay clean until at least after the baby is here. Good luck!