Forgive and forget or not?

Can you truly forgive somebody if you can't "forget" the thing you're forgiving them for?

For example, if your SO said something mean to you and you forgave him, but in a later argument you brought it up or just constantly dwelt on it, did you ever really forgive him?

You can't forget, but you can choose to move on. Forgiving is a choice just like every time you bring it up again. Choose to not let it have power over you.

I struggle with this.

I say no. Until I can stop dwelling on something, I don't consider myself to have forgiven it. I know for a fact that there are things that have been done to me or said to me that I will never forget and will never be able to forgive.

I can, however, ignore them in most cases to keep the peace. It's always there, though, brewing, and at times I find it difficult not to bring it up.

Quoting The Blissful Six:" You can't forget, but you can choose to move on. Forgiving is a choice just like every time you bring it up again. Choose to not let it have power over you."

Agree.

If you are constantly dwelling on it and bringing it up then no you haven't really forgiven them. It is possible it's just a matter of choice

My power to choose must be broken, as I'd gladly choose to never give a thought to certain things again. I can't make that happen, however.

I had a huge argument with my Mum in 2009 and we didn't speak for 3 months. She hasn't apologised and she never ever will and I know this. I can't forget what she said as it was so hurtful but I have forgiven her.
For a long while it made our relationship very strained as I would play it over and over in my mind everytime I saw her but now I have moved on. I haven't forgotten it but I don't think about it as often now.
I didn't have much choice though. It was a case of never having my mum in my life again or gorgiving her knowing she would never apologise as she has this way of instantly forgetting any hurtful things she has said. She genuinely seems unable to recall saying it and therefore refuses to apologise, thinking I'm making up lies about her.

Quoting Emmiboo&Mooka:" I had a huge argument with my Mum in 2009 and we didn't speak for 3 months. She hasn't apologised and ... [snip!] ... said. She genuinely seems unable to recall saying it and therefore refuses to apologise, thinking I'm making up lies about her."

This is much the same as one of the things that I can neither forgive nor forget.

My mother said that I said something that I NEVER said, nor would ever have said, and I walked in on her telling others that I said it. After what I'd been going through at the time, it was the last straw, and I flipped smurf in a major way. So now she thinks that I owe her an apology, and any time the subject comes up, she insists that I am the one who was in the wrong.

No.

I can't forget it, I can't forgive it, I never will.

I think that you can forgive without forgetting. Someone did something that hurt me really badly last year around this time. I still remember it. But I hold no anger toward the person, I forgive them. There are times when it still stings though when I think about it.

I have yet to forgive or forget what was done to me two years ago. I will never forget it and I don't know if I'll ever be able to truly forgive. I have a hard time forgiving as it is. My mom left when I was 7 and did a crap load. I never forgave her, I just didn't care anymore.

<blockquote><b>Quoting kravenscookiejar:</b>" My power to choose must be broken, as I'd gladly choose to never give a thought to certain things again. I can't make that happen, however."</blockquote>




I'm pretty sure forgetting someone hurting you in such a devastating way is damn near impossible. That's why I said you choose to move on or continue allowing your anger towards that person to have power over you. It's still a choice. Time and distance sure do help. Also helps if the other person is truely remorseful for thier actions.

Quoting Ninja Shahinda:" Can you truly forgive somebody if you can't "forget" the thing you're forgiving them for? For example, ... [snip!] ... and you forgave him, but in a later argument you brought it up or just constantly dwelt on it, did you ever really forgive him?"

My SO cheated, and I forgave him and haven't "forgotten" but have in the sense that I can't use it against him in arguments. So in that sense, I did forgive and forget. We don't use it as an element in our fights/relationship.

Some people I will NEVER forgive and forget, EVER.