BD wants to be involved now

BD has now come out and said that he wants to be in LO's life now that he knows for sure that she's his. I was pretty surprised that he even wants to be involved because he never took the initiative to find out, I did. But whatever, I can't really fight it because she's his child too after all. I was extremely angry about it at first because I felt like he only wants visitation now because I filed for CS and he's doing it out of spite. He wrote my parents' attorney a letter about how he's changed his life around and wants to be in her life, but my dad still hates him. I wrote him a message on FB that said this:

"I asked mackenzie to give u my number and ask u to call me but idk if she did so if you would call me id appreciate it. I don't wanna start drama or anything my parents just told me that u wrote them a letter and I haven't gotten to read it bc their attorney has it but if u really want to be in josies life then I'm willing to work with u about it, I'm not angry anymore and I've realized that I can't think of myself so my numbers ------. if u could keep melissa out of it that would be nice too I don't want to deal with her I have enough to deal with if u could imagine."

Mackenzie is his step sister (who he molested 6 years ago) and Melissa is his fiance who harassed me numerous times after she found out that I was pregnant and constantly talks smurf about me on FB through statuses, so I figured that was the least he could do so because I really don't want to deal with her being in my business.

He replied:
"ok look i appriciate you working with me on this situation but melissa is my fieance and the mother of my first child and shes not gonna be left out of anything, she supports me wanting to see josie 100% and she will not start anything with you unless you start it first. i didnt know josie was mine till we did the dna test and i know you told me she was mine but i couldnt trust you sorry but thats the way it is now that i know i will do my best to support her and i do want to be a part of her life. i know you have your own opinions of me and what not but iv turned my life around. not trying to be mean one bit but id also appriciate it if you would only contact me if it regards josie you have my house phone (------) and you can send me a message on here if need be. i work on the weekdays so weekends are really the only time id be able to see her so let me know when or if i can. thanks"

It really pissed me off reading it because I felt like he was being condescending towards me, but I was probably just overreacting, I never replied to the message though. Now he has just sent me a friend request on FB and I don't know if I should accept it or not. I don't want him knowing my business, like finding out if SO is around LO and throwing a fit or something. I know it's not fair that I bring her around SO but don't want her being around his fiance, but I don't trust her worth smurf, I barely trust him. I get the feeling that she would be a bitch to my daughter if she ever met her. He still has not apologized about anything that he put me through, which I'm not going to push it because I don't want a fake apology anyway. I just don't know what to do.

maybe to start things off, you can have ur BD come and visit his daughter at your house without his fiance. If he's willing to do that, then it shows he really wants to see her. If not, then Id put no more effort into it. Thats just my opinion though. If you don't trust him, then you shouldn't risk your daughters well-being just because he asked nicely.

Bravo to him for stepping up.
It's hard, I've been there. My DD was 9m old when her dad decided to be a part of her life

No it isn't easy...especially when they have a significant other. But what is most important is that you guys work very hard on building and maintaining a healthy co-parenting relationship.

It's not a good idea to be FB friends right off the bat. That's YOUR personal life that he doesn't need to be involved with. All that he should be concerned with is your daughter

I understand you may not like his fiancé, nor want her around...but she's a part of his life and the mother of your daughters sibling. Shes going to have to be around.

I wish you guys luck.

My DD is 5 now and her dad and I have an awesome friendship. I wouldn't want anything less for my DD

I'm sorry, did I read he MOLESTED his step sister? He would see my child over my dead body. I don't give a flying smurf if he's the biological father or not.

I would offer a mutual grounds for the first meeting. Maybe at a local park. Maybe send him a message saying you and your LO will be there at X time on one of the days he is off. I would say just for the first time meeting her or whatever that you would prefer for his fiance not to be there just for your daughters comfort or whatever. And you can say next time it would be fine for her to be there just so he knows your not trying to always exclude her.

Quoting [Doe Eyed Dirty Lurker]:" I'm sorry, did I read he MOLESTED his step sister? He would see my child over my dead body. I don't give a flying smurf if he's the biological father or not."

THIS

Quoting Amber n dave:" maybe to start things off, you can have ur BD come and visit his daughter at your house without his fiance. ... [snip!] ... just my opinion though. If you don't trust him, then you shouldn't risk your daughters well-being just because he asked nicely."

My parents don't want him at our house, and he's supposed to only get supervised visitation because he's a registered sex offender. If I bring her to him then it will probably be at a park, somewhere public. I'm thinking about not even seeing him and just letting my mom bring her to the park because whenever I see him I want to punch a wall. He's just leaving it all up to me to make these plans and I feel like he should be the one doing all of the work. I don't want to inconvenience my life just so he can see her a couple of times then go back to his normal life. He never wants to talk about anything either so it makes me think he's hiding things.

Quoting [Doe Eyed Dirty Lurker]:" I'm sorry, did I read he MOLESTED his step sister? He would see my child over my dead body. I don't give a flying smurf if he's the biological father or not."

   

Quoting LoBrew:" My parents don't want him at our house, and he's supposed to only get supervised visitation because ... [snip!] ... times then go back to his normal life. He never wants to talk about anything either so it makes me think he's hiding things. "

now that I could deal with. But alone? Never in his life.

Quoting [Doe Eyed Dirty Lurker]:" I'm sorry, did I read he MOLESTED his step sister? He would see my child over my dead body. I don't give a flying smurf if he's the biological father or not."

Yeahh he molested her and his other step sister. He's denied it to this day but she's admitted to it, and now that we're not friends anymore she tries to throw it in my face that he deserves to be in LO's life, and it makes me wonder why because when we were friends she would say how scared she was for his other daughter.

<blockquote><b>Quoting Amber n dave:</b>" maybe to start things off, you can have ur BD come and visit his daughter at your house without his fiance. ... [snip!] ... just my opinion though. If you don't trust him, then you shouldn't risk your daughters well-being just because he asked nicely."</blockquote>




I agree with this

To start off, you guys need to get together at a park or something for a visit. You want your daughter to build a comfort level with him before she sees him without you around. Then introduce her to the fiancé. All of you can be adults and do something together with the kids.

It's healthy for them to see you all together

It's not necessarily comfortable (I still feel awkward on outtings with my SD's mom and DH) but it gets easier

Quoting LoBrew:" Yeahh he molested her and his other step sister. He's denied it to this day but she's admitted to it, ... [snip!] ... in LO's life, and it makes me wonder why because when we were friends she would say how scared she was for his other daughter. "

Oh no  

I'm sorry you have to deal with this. I don't even know how I would act.

Quoting LoBrew:" My parents don't want him at our house, and he's supposed to only get supervised visitation because ... [snip!] ... times then go back to his normal life. He never wants to talk about anything either so it makes me think he's hiding things. "

Thats understandable. Did you know he was a sex offender when you became involved with him? I just don't know if I'd trust him around my daughter. If he was ordered supervised visitation, then thats the only thing I would allow. (simply to avoid getting into any trouble with the courts) You would never forgive yourself if something happened to your daughter at the hands of her father. I hope it all works out the best for you.

<blockquote><b>Quoting [Doe Eyed Dirty Lurker]:</b>" I'm sorry, did I read he MOLESTED his step sister? He would see my child over my dead body. I don't give a flying smurf if he's the biological father or not."</blockquote>




HOW THE SmUrf did I miss that

Omg.

Nope. Sorry. Never.

I take back all my responses.

<blockquote><b>Quoting [Doe Eyed Dirty Lurker]:</b>" I'm sorry, did I read he MOLESTED his step sister? He would see my child over my dead body. I don't give a flying smurf if he's the biological father or not."</blockquote>



!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!