MIL *rant* ugggh! how would you handle it?

My DS is 2 months old and I am very attached to him, Im a stay at home mom and its just me and him most of the time. My MIL keep pushing and pushing for me to let her watch him through the night but I am not comfortable with it. Its not that I dont trust her to take care of him but Im just not ready to spend a night or even a day without my son, perhaps its because he is my first child? idk. Every time we see her she pushes hard for me to leave lo with her and I dont want to. However when I tell her no she gets upset. Yesterday she actually told me "You know, I didnt think you were going to be like this, trying to be super mom and everything, I figured you would be quick to hand him off. I didnt think you would have him up your ass all of the time"....yeah, she said that and I almost went off on her. It was just rude and uncalled for. If I have something I really need to do and cant bring lo with me, she knows shes first on the list to babysit. She has watched him by herself for a few hours so its not like I keep him from her. And I already agreed to let her watch him through the night on my bday (in august). I still dont think ill be too comfortable leaving him then but she wouldnt leave me alone about it. However, apparently thats not enough, she cant wait that long or something because she is still harassing me about watching him constantly. She also wants to take him all over Gods green earth to "show him off", I am def. not comfortable with that either. I dont want him at random places and peoples houses just so everyone can see him and thats whats going to happen the second I let her take him somewhere. Shes not a bad person, shes just very controling when it comes to "her grandson". I remember I had to finally get attitude with her when she got mad that we were getting lo vaccinated. My SO is letting me handle it but agrees that until im ready, I shouldnt leave lo. So how would you handle the situation? I dont want to piss off MIL but she wont leave it alone. We are going to see her again tonight so ill keep you updated on the situation.

Don't give in. My MIL pestered the SmUrf out of me from the time my son was born. I finally let her take him overnight when he was almost 3. Wait until you are comfortable...she can smurfing deal.

I would tell her "Look, it's not that i don't trust you but I'm a first-time mommy, this is MY baby and he's only two month old. I'm not ready to leave him overnight yet. I've agreed to let you keep in August for my birthday, but if you keep pestering me about this I will not let you keep him then either. Ultimately *I* need to be comfortable with him staying with you overnight before that happens, and I"m just not ready".

I didn't leave my LO overnight until he was 9 months old & even then, i didn't want to... i HAD to and i hated every second of it.

Be assertive. Tell her that she will not be watching LO until further notice. And if she keeps bugging you about it she won't get to watch him at all. It's childish but sometimes it's the only way to get it through to people. Let her know again she will/can watch him on your birthday and that if she keeps asking/insisting that you will keep pushing it back by a month.

tell her she keps bugging you she just wont be watching her at all.

thats how my MIL is. but i have reasons not to let her watch.

I didn't read it all but o just wanted to tell you that i was the exact same way. Our son did not stay the night away from is till like, 15 months, because I was not comfortable till then. Tell her, that afyer LO is a year old, then you'll think about it. I bfed too, so really, i couldn't stay away from him.


Sorry for typos, i hate typing on my phone

Quoting Lovelyyy*:" I would tell her "Look, it's not that i don't trust you but I'm a first-time mommy, this is MY baby and ... [snip!] ... leave my LO overnight until he was 9 months old & even then, i didn't want to... i HAD to and i hated every second of it."

good advice, thanks!

Quoting [Doe Eyed Dirty Lurker]:" Don't give in. My MIL pestered the SmUrf out of me from the time my son was born. I finally let her take him overnight when he was almost 3. Wait until you are comfortable...she can smurfing deal."

lol! my goal is to not give in!

Quoting White Chocolate Milk:" Be assertive. Tell her that she will not be watching LO until further notice. And if she keeps bugging ... [snip!] ... she will/can watch him on your birthday and that if she keeps asking/insisting that you will keep pushing it back by a month."

yeah, assertive is going to be the only thing that works on her. she may get upset her pestering getting is ridiculous

Sounds like my mother!

I totally understand you, my MIL is just the same. DO NOT give in, he is your baby and when you feel comfortable you will know. My little boy is 10 months old on Friday and he is not going anywhere yet. I had a massive disagreement with my MIL and in the end I told her she need to step up and show me that she can cope until then he is not stopping. That was 2 months ago and I think another word is needed as she is even worse now.

My little boy is my first, but my opinion is that the MIL has brought up her children and it is now my turn to bring up our son. She thought that I would be a walk over and give in to her but since having my LO I have become assertive and really stand up for myself which has come as a bit of a surprise to my SO family. Also the MIL cries easily to make you feel guilty, IGNORE it they are only trying to make out they are the victim. STAY STRONG AND GOOD LUCK xx

Quoting evilekat:" My DS is 2 months old and I am very attached to him, Im a stay at home mom and its just me and him most ... [snip!] ... to piss off MIL but she wont leave it alone. We are going to see her again tonight so ill keep you updated on the situation."

Does your SO say anything?

I would let him start handling it. Tell him before you go that if she brings it up you would appreciate it if he just handled it, let him take the brunt of it this time. This way when she asks he says no & if she turns to you you can just say "He said no sorry". My daughters grandmother was this way too, except she is a state away so was REALLY not okay with it. I hope it works out.

I would tell her that you LOVE how enthusiastic of a grandmother she is and you think it's amazing how much she loves your boy, BUT you are not comfortable leaving your child for the night, he's your first child and you are very much enjoying that bonding time. Perhaps comprimise with an hour or two in a few months?

I didn't go out without my first LO until he was 9 months and that was to a movie. And I ran back.

Quoting Tracy B:" I totally understand you, my MIL is just the same. DO NOT give in, he is your baby and when you feel ... [snip!] ... easily to make you feel guilty, IGNORE it they are only trying to make out they are the victim. STAY STRONG AND GOOD LUCK xx"

thanks! yes im so much more assertive than i ever thought i would be, its crazy how much having a baby will change you! my MIL's mother told me "tell her the same thing she told me when she had her own childeren; IM the mother and I decide what is best for my children". haha, at least everyone else is on my side, and im not giving in!

Quoting Miss Ashley +2:" Does your SO say anything? I would let him start handling it. Tell him before you go that if she brings ... [snip!] ... My daughters grandmother was this way too, except she is a state away so was REALLY not okay with it. I hope it works out."

he usually stays out of it but i told him about the rude stuff she said to me and he said that if she continues to push it he will have a talk with her.