Reward Chart

My daughter is 3 and lately her temper tantrums are beyond unbearable. She will scream at the top of her lungs repeatedly, for trivial things such as "I wanted to be the leader" ( she wanted to walk in front of me which, ofcourse, I try to accomodate but sometimes it's just not feasible) She is a relatively well-behaved child, I try to explain to her why we don't do things, ex: we don't hit because it hurts our friends, and she catches on quickly and even corrects other kids. The main problem is her tantrums. Anyway, I've tried everything from time outs to ignoring the negative behavior and nothing has curbed it. I've been researching and it looks like 3 years old is a great time to introduce a reward chart. My question is, if you have one, how does it work for your family? I know to put a few expectations on there and when she does great to give her a sticker and when she does not to take away a sticker. I know to reward her after 5 or so stickers but what I'm not sure of is what is appropriate to put on the chart. How do I put 'no screaming' 'no crying over nothing (ha ha obviously I know that's not an option) into terms that she will understand?

Instead of "no screaming" put "used inside voice"

No crying over nothing, she wants attention. Teach her to use words when she wants something. Use positive wording for what you want her to learn instead of "no_____" that way she learns there are alternate ways for her to get attention and for her to react to something.

Quoting Chellie Flores:" Instead of "no screaming" put "used inside voice" No crying over nothing, she wants attention. Teach ... [snip!] ... instead of "no_____" that way she learns there are alternate ways for her to get attention and for her to react to something. "

I see what you're saying with not using the word no so much and that's a good idea. I understand she wants attention but that's not always possible. For example when she goes absolutely BIZERK when she doesn't get to be the leader in EVERY situation, it's not acceptable. How do I put that into words for a reward chart? "share being the leader?" Or another example, today we went for a walk and my sister started pushing the stroller and I was walking next to her and she was freaking out that she wanted me to push her and not my sister and I explained to her that Aunt Kristen was going to push her for right now and I would push her in a bit but she couldn't accept it so I turned around and took her home. What could I have done differently in the situation do you think?

Quoting BBBBB:" I see what you're saying with not using the word no so much and that's a good idea. I understand she ... [snip!] ... she couldn't accept it so I turned around and took her home. What could I have done differently in the situation do you think?"

You did right by taking her home, that showed her that if she acts out then she doesn't get to be rewarded. I would not have done anything different in that situation. Three year old's are starting to assert their independence so give her chores she can do on her own and activities that she can lead. Like picking up her room, letting her choose what is for dinner( you give two or three options and she picks which one). Play a game like "Simon Says" or "Follow the Leader" with her and take turns being in charge so she can see that it is OK for other people to lead and teach how to take turns. When you are out and she wants something and starts acting up because she isn't getting her way, give her a choice" if you behave then we can continue ______. If you continue acting mean (how ever she is acting) then we will go home". She will learn that when she behaves she gets to stay out and have fun, while if she misbehaves then she goes home and has no fun. Most toddlers/preschool age do better when they have options and get to feel like they are making the important choice in the situation than if they are told how to act.

Quoting Chellie Flores:" You did right by taking her home, that showed her that if she acts out then she doesn't get to be rewarded. ... [snip!] ... they have options and get to feel like they are making the important choice in the situation than if they are told how to act. "

I see what you're saying. Well, thanks for the advice, I guess we're the only ones interested in doing a reward chart, lol. I'm really excited about making it, I think it will really help us.

Quoting BBBBB:" I see what you're saying. Well, thanks for the advice, I guess we're the only ones interested in doing a reward chart, lol. I'm really excited about making it, I think it will really help us."

Reward charts are not for everyone, it works for some kids and does nothing for others so you just have to see what she reacts to the best. I have a 17 month old right now but I spent 8 months working in a preschool, which is what your chart would be doing, just a visual of her good behavior.

Reward charts aren't for everyone but we have found that it is the only thing that works with my daughter. We use the Nice Bear Naughty Bear Iphone app...basically it features really cute bears and you can set goals and targets as well as choose your own bears. They get coins as rewards which goes towards an ultimate treat. Some treats we have had are a day out with Mummy, or some pic and mix, silly little things like that. But she definitely responds to them.
Here is the link if you want to have a look at it...I couldn't recommend it more highly!
http://itunes.apple.com/gb/app/nice-bear-naughty-bear-reward/id475960807?mt=8

Nice to meet you all, I am new to the forum.   x