To be fair, though, he's not willing to get help to get out of his state of being. At what point is it enough? If he's always going to be in this mundane state, why should OP feel like she should stay with him?

Quoting Not tellin:" She clearly doesn't take the trash out either. Did you think that maybe he is annoyed because she expects ... [snip!] ... laundry and reaching for us to take her side. Honestly, I firmly believe there is more to this story than we all know. "

I never said that she couldn't do it herself...but sometimes its nice to get help especially during moving! He leaves to watch a movie so that his mother and pregnant wife have to do it alone?? How selfish is that? I don't care who did what to who...that alone is uncalled for. I dont think she is coming here for us to take her side. I think she sincerely is needing advice on what to do. If she were out to trash him she wouldn't have told us how good he used to be...she would have made him sound as bad as possible. She clearly wants to work it out...but there is only so much one person can handle.

Quoting [[Breezy]]:" Of course I'm young, and of course it's obvious. It's on my profile. Lol. I'm just saying he sounds ... [snip!] ... feel bad for this chick. It's not right that he's totally checked out of their relationship. Doesn't bode well for the future."

I didn't have to read your profile to deduct you are young. The way you immediately ran to her side with how big of a douche he is not even thinking there is more to the story or that she is not without fault clarified it for me.

You have no idea what is really going on. You are taking her word as gold. If you go back and read the post again, think about it for a minute and read again, you will see what the rest of us see.

Quoting ♀NoBoysAllowed:" To be fair, though, he's not willing to get help to get out of his state of being. At what point is it ... [snip!] ... what point is it enough? If he's always going to be in this mundane state, why should OP feel like she should stay with him? "

Op shouldn't feel obligated to stay IF she has tried to work it out. If she has aknowledged her part in the breakdown and actually listen to him rather than harp orders and complain, then I say feel free. Leaving because he is a bad guy when it sounds like she hasn't bothered to take his feelings into consideration is an immature response and only sets a pattern.

I have thought that he is struggling with our son's disability. No I don't call him names I tell him I feel frusterated when....and fill in the blank and state that I can't do everything myself. I even feed his ego and say I could really use your big strong muscles here. Yes I am not allowed to lift over 5lbs I am considered a high risk pregnancy. So I am not being lazy, I clean, I cook, take care of the bills, appointments for myself and the dog as well as everything else a household requires. All I ask is he does the lifting. I have packed the whole apartment at 37 weeks pregnant without his help because he refuses. I have asked for us to go to counciling to deal with his fear and even attend the doctors appointments so he has a better understanding of the issues. He has gone to two out of 8 ultrasounds at the geneticists, and 2 out of 12 obgyn visits. We are trying to get him to face issues and he refuses to move from out of front of the tv or rp computer games. I understand he is overwhelmed, so aren't I but I am not letting my responsibilities go. I am preparing for our son. I have done everything for him while he refuses to have any part.

Quoting Not tellin:" She clearly doesn't take the trash out either. Did you think that maybe he is annoyed because she expects ... [snip!] ... laundry and reaching for us to take her side. Honestly, I firmly believe there is more to this story than we all know. "

I do the trash and then I am put on bed rest because I start bleeding, do you know how dangerous that is when you are pregnant. That is the frusterating part I end up doing everything because he does refuse and then lose days of being productive because my doctor puts me in bed, and then he comes asking me to make him dinner. I don't have a right to be frusterated. I have tried talking to him and he refuses saying he is fine nothing is wrong.

Quoting Not tellin:" She clearly doesn't take the trash out either. Did you think that maybe he is annoyed because she expects ... [snip!] ... laundry and reaching for us to take her side. Honestly, I firmly believe there is more to this story than we all know. "

Also I go to counciling on a weekly basis being proactive. I annoy him simply because I don't wait on him. He has asked why I can't just do everything.

Quoting Not tellin:" I didn't have to read your profile to deduct you are young. The way you immediately ran to her side ... [snip!] ... If you go back and read the post again, think about it for a minute and read again, you will see what the rest of us see. "

No, there very well could be more to the story, but from the sound of her OP, I don't really think there is. I didn't sense any angst towards him in her OP, which leads me to believe that she's not at fault. She also said he refuses to go to counseling, which tells us that she has tried to get help, and he refuses to help her when she asks - that's just not okay.

Quoting BG2118:" I have thought that he is struggling with our son's disability. No I don't call him names I tell him ... [snip!] ... letting my responsibilities go. I am preparing for our son. I have done everything for him while he refuses to have any part."

This is exactly the picture your OP painted for me when I read it. I'm sorry you're not getting any support from the person you need it from the most.   Do I think you should leave him right away? Of course not. If he's not verbally or physically abusive to you, I don't think it needs to go that far quite yet. His disposition could very well change dramatically after your son is born. Good for you for being so proactive and responsible.  

Quoting Gor-Jess!:" I never said that she couldn't do it herself...but sometimes its nice to get help especially during ... [snip!] ... have made him sound as bad as possible. She clearly wants to work it out...but there is only so much one person can handle."

You have it exactly, I m lost I don't know what to do, I am trying to get this figured out but it is hard to do it one sided. I am trying to get it settled and a more smooth environment for my son when he comes in three weeks. I was hoping for some feedback, not attack. Something that might help me figure out a better way.

Quoting BG2118:" You have it exactly, I m lost I don't know what to do, I am trying to get this figured out but it is ... [snip!] ... when he comes in three weeks. I was hoping for some feedback, not attack. Something that might help me figure out a better way."

I really wish he had some advice, but my only advice would be to get him to confide in you and let him know that you're here for him if he wants to vent, and keep showing him how counseling is helping you and maybe he'll come around. You'll just have to see how things go. You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make him drink, you know? Hopefully he eventually drinks, though. You're doing exactly what you need to be doing otherwise. *hugs*

So far he is not overly aggressive towards anyone besides screaming at me or the dog when he gets mad. I ask calmly why we are getting screamed at and he said who else is he supposed to vent at. But he is not physically violent at this point so I suppose it isn't an issue.

So far he is not overly aggressive towards anyone besides screaming at me or the dog when he gets mad. I ask calmly why we are getting screamed at and he said who else is he supposed to vent at. But he is not physically violent at this point so I suppose it isn't an issue.

Quoting [[Breezy]]:" I really wish he had some advice, but my only advice would be to get him to confide in you and let him ... [snip!] ... him drink, you know? Hopefully he eventually drinks, though. You're doing exactly what you need to be doing otherwise. *hugs*"

Thank you!

<blockquote><b>Quoting BG2118:</b>" I do the trash and then I am put on bed rest because I start bleeding, do you know how dangerous that ... [snip!] ... dinner. I don't have a right to be frusterated. I have tried talking to him and he refuses saying he is fine nothing is wrong."</blockquote>




I am not going to lie. I don't believe that you are on bedrest to any degree. I am not excusing his behavior either. I have been married 7 years and we have 3 children. Two of which are twins. With the pregnancy with the twins, my husband didnt grasp the entire situation. He was still living like nothing big was about to happen. For the first yeah of the twins life he was difficult and as a matter of fact we almost divorced because of his behavior. Adjusting to change for a guy comes later. Your husband has to not only adjust to the idea he is going to be a father but he has to find a way to cope with the child having a disability. You have the advantage. You have been getting used to the idea since you got pregnant. I also don't believe that you don't fight as hard and as ugly as he does. #1 you don't strike me as the doormat type based on your verbiage in here. #2 you are pregnant and hormonal. It is difficult to restrain emotions while hormonal.

I still believe there is more to the story. To make this work, BOTH of you have to be honest with eachother and yourselves. Believing that this is all his problem is living in denial.

Hopefully you guys can work this out.