How to help my hubby deal with our loss!

We lost our lil boy in December. I was due to have him June 7th. After our loss he's gotten angrier for no reason or for the littlest reasons. Since the miscarriage we've been trying for another. A few times he's suggested the loss is on his mind. He once said that he's about given up because it'll never happen again which makes me feel like he does want another one now but does not want to worry me about his feelings. And last night a friend of his posted a picture on facebook saying something about "Saving girls" say no to abortion and it showed a picture of a fetus which looked to be about 13 weeks. It looked similar to what our son looked like at birth. He was in the front and I was in the bedroom and he came in the room and just layed next to me and buried his face in my neck and held me. At first I thought he was just snuggling but then I heard him sniffle. So I asked him what was wrong and he wouldn't answer me. I kept asking then finally he said it was something he saw on facebook and that I wouldn't want to see it. I think this picture reminded him of what our baby looked like and it brought his feelings to the surface. I wish he would open up to me about DJ because I don't want him to hurt alone and not think he can come to me. I still cry over our lil boy. I just wish I knew what to say or do to help him. Sorry for the long vent. If any of you read this thank you!

I'm very sorry about your loss. I'm not totally sure what you can tell him, but maybe some grief counseling would help? But be glad he said something, the only way to heal is to talk about it. Or maybe you can tell him how you feel about the loss of you LO?

Hi, I'm so sorry to hear about your loss. I have had 3 misscarriages all within the 3rd trimmester and am due in Janurary. Sounds like he needs to talk to you, tell him that bottling it up doesn't help and talking about it will help. Maybe he could talk to a friend or you about how he is feeling etc. My partner didn't and ended up being depressed because it all got too much.

Thank you ladies. I've tried talking to him about it and telling him that he should talk about it but he closes up every time I mention DJ. I think it's just too painful for him. The day we found out he cried the rest of the afternoon. It seemed like I was the one consoling him and telling him it'll be alright that we'll be pregnant again before he knew it. It was his first baby so I think that is why he took it so hard. I'm hoping he opens up to me about it though. I never did ask him why the picture affected him so much. Maybe when he wakes up from his nap I'll ask him. I would like for him to at least talk about the picture maybe by doing that it will help him release some of the anger and hurt from losing DJ. I think us still trying is affecting him too. I'm about to hide the vitamins so they're out of sight. I'm currently using opks but that is just to see if I'm ovulating or not because the past few months I haven't felt myself ovulate and usually I do. If I don't get a positive on them then I'm going to go on bc for at least a month or two to kick start it.

Mensioning the picture might help, everyone deals with loss in their own way. Our first misscarriage was the hardest for both of us as neither of us has any children. Sounds like he is bottling it all up.

Quoting Arjaye:" Mensioning the picture might help, everyone deals with loss in their own way. Our first misscarriage ... [snip!] ... Our first misscarriage was the hardest for both of us as neither of us has any children. Sounds like he is bottling it all up."

He is. I know it. I think what it is when he was growing up his mom taught him not to be a sissy and that showing emotion was him being one. His mom screwed him up big time. Now he's hard as stone and while i know he cares and has feelings he just doesn't show them because he doesn't want to get hurt and he doesn't want to appear weak. She even tried getting him to realize that us having a miscarriage was a good thing. She told him it was a sign that he needs to leave now before I got pregnant again and he was stuck. It was his second chance to get his life right.

Awh sorry to hear that's what his mum said, my partner looked at it as at least we could actually have a baby without fertility treatment etc. Sadly alot of men in general are like that and they don't need to be.

Mine still tears up about ours.. but I'm not really sure how to give you advice.. he is very open.. maybe write him a letter about how you feel and felt that day , for some reason to me letters are always more powerful.

Quoting **§~~emily~~§**:" Mine still tears up about ours.. but I'm not really sure how to give you advice.. he is very open.. maybe ... [snip!] ... open.. maybe write him a letter about how you feel and felt that day , for some reason to me letters are always more powerful."

I've done that before as well as come out and tell him how it makes me feel. We talk about that day some times or we just talk about DJ in a conversation. At first he wouldn't even mention DJ's name but he does sometimes now. At least that is good. I guess it's his way of healing. Being able to mention his son's name. It's just taking him longer than it took me. But that's because the only person he has to talk about it with is me and I think he doesn't want to talk about it with me is because he doesn't want to see me cry. Every time we talk about DJ I end up tearing up. I really think what is bothering him now is that we aren't pregnant again yet. I know he wants a baby. But like I told him he's only 21 he's got plenty of time.