Giving a Baby Up

I'm 18, and pregnant with my first baby. I've been considering giving the baby up for adoption, since abortion isn't an option. Ideally, I'd love to keep the baby, but of course that might not be the most practical option.

Any moms that have given their baby up for adoption? How'd it go? Love to have your advice.

My experience went like smurf, personally. The couple that I chose were liars and cornered me into it. They tricked me into believing it would be an open adoption. Then they left me in the dust. Just know that once you sign all of the paperwork, it's done. There is no going back, there is no changing your mind and you have absolutely no rights as a birth mother (you can't take them to court for breech of contract.)

Quoting ♥ darah ♥:" My experience went like smurf, personally. The couple that I chose were liars and cornered me into it. ... [snip!] ... changing your mind and you have absolutely no rights as a birth mother (you can't take them to court for breech of contract.)"

In certain states I'm sure she has a certain amount of time to change her mind. (Not 100%, though)

Quoting Brittany Zaranski:" In certain states I'm sure she has a certain amount of time to change her mind. (Not 100%, though)"

Once you sign the papers, you relinquish your rights as a parent. You can change your mind during the pregnancy or even directly after the birth (before contract is signed which doesn't usually happen for the first few days of the baby's life.) In some states they will give you a few days after to change your mind, but that's a really small window of opportunity.

Adoptions favor the adoptive parents, not the birth mother.

Quoting ♥ darah ♥:" My experience went like smurf, personally. The couple that I chose were liars and cornered me into it. ... [snip!] ... changing your mind and you have absolutely no rights as a birth mother (you can't take them to court for breech of contract.)"

Im so sorry for your experiance.

Sad that you can't take them to court for breach of contract though.

Quoting ♥ darah ♥:" Once you sign the papers, you relinquish your rights as a parent. You can change your mind during ... [snip!] ... change your mind, but that's a really small window of opportunity. Adoptions favor the adoptive parents, not the birth mother."

How soon after everything was done did they change their tune about the open adoption?
Was it right away? Or was it gradual.

I am so sorry that happened to you.

Quoting Monkey Nuts:" How soon after everything was done did they change their tune about the open adoption? Was it right away? Or was it gradual. I am so sorry that happened to you."

A couple of months, if that. They stopped returning my calls, never called me back, never sent pictures, didn't send me an e-mail, didn't once send updates about her until about a year and a half ago that one of them contacted me. Keep in mind I tried to respect their boundaries and didn't ever coerce communication with either of them. We talked for a while on a regular basis and then she started asking if I knew anyone who was putting up a baby for adoption or if I knew anyone who would be a surrogate. The entire thing left a bad taste in my mouth so I just stopped talking to her, because I'm pretty sure she was just sucking up to me so I'd help her find another baby. So I am just done with it honestly. If my daughter wants to contact me when she is older, then I will be there but I am not dealing with the crazies I gave her up to.

Quoting ♥ darah ♥:" A couple of months, if that. They stopped returning my calls, never called me back, never sent pictures, ... [snip!] ... my daughter wants to contact me when she is older, then I will be there but I am not dealing with the crazies I gave her up to."

Oh no. =( I'm really sorry that happened to you.

<blockquote><b>Quoting Katie Marie &hearts:</b>" Oh no. =( I'm really sorry that happened to you."</blockquote>




No worries, its water under the bridge now.
But I do hope it gives you some insight on the bad side of it. I know a lot of women on here who had good experience.

Really I just suggest finding a friend or family member who will adopt, unless you really want a closed adoption. That would make the chances higher that your contract is honored.

Agencies will generally work against you. They're just in it for the money. Better to find people open to a private adoption, especially family members or friends.

Quoting ♥ darah ♥:" <blockquote><b>Quoting Katie Marie &hearts:</b>" Oh no. =( I'm really sorry that ... [snip!] ... you. They're just in it for the money. Better to find people open to a private adoption, especially family members or friends."

I've talked to family and friends, and none of them are interested. They think I should raise the baby myself. I would love to do that, I just don't feel ready. =/

Quoting Katie Marie &hearts:" I've talked to family and friends, and none of them are interested. They think I should raise the baby myself. I would love to do that, I just don't feel ready. =/"

You still have plenty of time to think about it. I would think long & hard about it before you decide anything. Having a child is the best feeling ever. Its hard work, but in the end its totally worth it.

I honestly know how you feel. I became pregnant with my first baby at 14. I first wanted abortion but I was not thinking clearly. I was just scared. My mom wouldn't let. Then I said I'd give the baby up because I didn't want a baby that young and she never said no but she didn't say she'd help me start with the adoption either. After the first few months went by I started to feel really attached. My first reactions to the pregnancy were because I was scared. In the end I kept the baby. She is now a happy, healthy, and very smart 13 year old. I'm so glad I made the decision to keep her. It's a tough decision but take your time in deciding. You could feel differently in the end. GL with what ever you decide to do.

Quoting Katie Marie &hearts:" I'm 18, and pregnant with my first baby. I've been considering giving the baby up for adoption, since ... [snip!] ... not be the most practical option. Any moms that have given their baby up for adoption? How'd it go? Love to have your advice."

Adding more of my two sense. lol.

I thought about adoption. But I was on FB one night & I saw this girl I went to high school with & she had a baby. I saw how happy she was & how cute her baby was. I asked her some questions & talked to her about it. I actually talked to a bunch of my friends that had children & they all told me how wonderful it was. I decided right then and there I wanted him. I turned to my SO & I said, 'I'm keeping this baby. If you don't like that, leave. I don't need you. I can do this all on my own.' & he stayed & I am currently planning my little boys first birthday. He turns one in 22 days.(:

Though I value the opinions and stories of all the girls on here.
There are lots of positive sides to adoption.

You need to have finances and support available too you and that doesn't really sound as though you have those things.

Are you ready to give up college (for now) cheer leading? and basically sacrifice your life to raise a child.

OP, wait until after you've had an ultrasound. Go into a baby store and look at newborn clothes (don't have to buy anything.) Wait until you are 6 months pregnant before talking to any agencies. They WILL back you into a corner and at that point you may feel like you have an obligation, especially if you find a couple. Take your time with the process and don't rush into it. You don't even have to talk to an agency until after your baby is born, as most couples will take a baby under 6 months old. All I can suggest is waiting before you decide and not rushing into it. I so regret my adoption and if I could go back I would do things so much differently.

There is a lot of help out there through human services for women who can't afford to take care of a baby on their own that you can use while you're getting through college (filing for child support from the baby's father, food stamps, WIC, insurance, etc.) if you do decide to keep your baby. I know finances are a big worry when you're having a baby, but there IS help and you don't have to let having a baby stop you from going to school (tons of women do it.)

You make sacrifices as a parent, you also make them as a birth mother.